Gross!!

Oh my god, there is something seriously wrong with my husband. He just told me I couldn't "get any" until tomorrow, I already had mine for the month-!! THEN he said "you can say 'yay! its layday!'"

MEN!!!! I tell you what, I think men are colder than women... god!

or just lazy...(er)


you really wanted to know that didn't you!!!

This is the gross part. On Iron Chef America, not the original, we just saw 2 different chefs LICK THEIR FINGERS!!!! You never, ever see them do that on the Asian show!!!!! Gross!!!!!!!!!!!

PT and more stuff

I missed my PT appointment on Tuesday. I am not really surprised. Finding out that Grandma Betty died so suddenly really threw me. She lives in New York with the rest of my family and I am here in Wyoming. The funeral is tomorrow; she will be at the same place my Grandma Laura is.

She's my ex-stepfather's mother so I still have 1 grandma left. Don't get me wrong, John was my step dad for about 14 years, starting when I was four. So Grandma Betty was my grandma. We were not so close after I "grew up", mostly cuz I suck at corresponding.

I hardly ever communicated with my father either, although we both had each other's email adresses. He's gone now, too. My grandparents, both alive, moved their plots so they could be next to him. Ok, too much for me now. I gotta go.

Gifts for you

Here is a blog template that I made. If you need help setting it up with blogger, just lemme know.

I have a few more similar to this one that I will be putting up at a later time. Enjoy!

Now I have also added my tutorials I have been making over the last few years, but never seem to post. I have wallpaper as well, but I need to zip them and GOD am I lazy. So don't count on it, unless you are nice to me!

"Changes in Flight"

My first corpse!

OK, that sounds a bit morbid, but it is from anexquisitecorpse.net. We get 15 pixels from the previous panel to work with and create our own panel. This is done four times. Mine is the 3rd panel and is called "Changes in Flight."

not good news

my grandma died.

thank gawd!!

We found a two bedroom trailer for $300 a month! That is less than half of what we are paying for this apartment. It has a yard! No one lives downstairs so the kids can stomp their feet! It's $300! A year lease? Know how easy that will be to sublease??? ... just in case Chantz gets a kick-ass job soon...

ahh... sigh of relief... we will not be homeless when our lease expires!! The best part, aside from being only $300!!! is that we begin renting on the first of August, but still have this craphole until the 15th. I am SO getting my $650 deposit back!!! I will have time to clean and pack and move and arrange crap how we want over and over til it is perfect! We are putting some stuff in storage cuz we have a lot of crap. According to the ol' man, he-he, we can get a storage unit for about $30 a month.

YAY!

I am tired. Gotta go, yes so abruptly. It was C's b-day today and we actually had enough money to buy some food (I had to put a $300 deposit on the trailer house and that left us $60 to spend until the first). Life's been harder. happy time happy time happy time!

later.

ps I love buffy esp spike! and gilmore girls and smallville and FIREFLY!!! and stargate SG1! and atlantis and battlestar galactica and all startreks, I love SPIKE TV and sci-fi and tripping the rift and going to bed. oh and of course CSI- Vegas baby!

g'nigh'!

Tuesday morning, sure it ain't Monday?

I feel like crap. Just woke up and I feel like a dozer spent the night on my back.

Let's see now, I have had a very busy two weeks. First, poopy Schlumberger did not give Chantz a job- that was a waste of 6 weeks. That's the time we had to wait for a second interview and not accepting other jobs. He has mailed out 4 other resumes, too bad there is a typo- the phone # is wrong. Hey, but the address and email are correct!


I went back to work as a maid at the Super 8. I am now in physical therapy and have quit my job. working aggravated a pregnancy related back injury nice, huh? Having 3 babies and 2 c-sections (yeah, and a v-back in the middle!!!) is not so easy on a Mama's back. Now I have to do exercises to strengthen my tummy and lower back and go to PT. The doctor at the bone and joint clinic was like, "it shouldn't hurt you to go back to work, just don't do any heavy lifting!" OK! My back did not hurt until I started working. Usually it worsened 2 or 3 hours after I got home. But after my appointment I was hurting immediately- I couldn't even strip beds without being in pain. So I quit. Now we have no source of income.

Times have been worse. I think... Hey, ever seen the episode of 30 days where they live on minimum wage? Yeah, life sucks, but "it sucks equally hard for everyone." That is what my psych teacher taught in his class...

Our lease ends Aug 15th and there is no way in hell we are renewing the damn thing. I don't wanna live in this overpriced teeny apartment another year. We can't afford it! The rent is going up, too!!!!! This town is insane! All of Wyoming is insane!! What little housing there is is so g@#darned expensive no one can afford to live here! People are living in hotels in Gillette! Wyotech contacted Chantz last night and he had them add Colorado to his job search. They send him job openings and he sends resumes.

I gotta go, lots of stuff to do today. And my baby Bruce is awake!! He is so adorable!!!

Crash, crash, and crash again you stupid machine!

Lost everything when the computer crashed, dagnabit, thank go there wasn't this much this time, because I had only just started using it. I had just completed an awesome self-corpse, you know, just me doing 3 panels for practice, and I lost it! Argh! Hey, I'm a pirate! Yeah, ok whatever.

But, I was able to recover everything from the older computer that crashed a while ago, and saved them as zips to 2 different geocities sites (yeah that much stuff) that I created for the sole purpose of saving them. Why, I suppose you ask, did I not just burn a cd? Because they weren't installed! And I saved what I did when I did because Chantz was going to try to install them and I knew what was going to happen.

Crash.

We got a new computer, a cheap one that has more memory and crap then either of the other two did; ain't technology great? Now I have to download what I missed; I forgot to save my fonts, bookmarks, PSP tubes and brushes! Damn! And I will eventually get around to downloading the zip files I saved online as well...

Sigh...

I feel so darn blah this week. Chantz' interview was rescheduled for this coming Thursday. The company scheduled interviews while the Wyotech students were still in school! So now we have to wait even longer.

The kids, meaning Chantz and Austin, he-he, are playing San Andreas on the XBox constantly! (NO we are not neglecting school work.) This really ties up my TV time and I have been reading and creating (PSP 7). I took a break from the Invasion Earth books and read The Deed of Paksonarrion, Sheepfarmers Daughter.

Maybe if I go back to the other one I will feel back on track. Or something...

To Sidney!

God, am I tired and totally crabby as hell! We are going to Sidney, MT tonight to see my mom and other family members. None of them have seen Bruce yet. Yep, some dumbass, not naming names, decided it would be a good idea to leave tonight and drive while the kids are sleeping- they really do get annoying- but, god! am I tired.

Think Napoleon Dynamite- "god!"

I like that movie.

Good night, not that I get to sleep.

New look

I reinstalled PSP7 today for Tessa, but ended up using it myself! I had to dig around and search for graphic images because all of mine are on the computer that decided to fry itself. I got the background and moon images from Ann-S-Thesia's website (link on the left) and manipulated them to create what you see here. I like it better than the old blue theme, which can still be seen if you check out my old home, which has some things that this blog does not.

Anyway, red and orange are more hellish than blue is, even though technically blue fire is hotter than red fire and if there is fire in hell I am sure it would be as hot as the ol' devil could get it...

aww, nevermind.

I like it and that is the way it is. So there. :)

Austin Lee and Bruce Banner 2005 

Bleep

My last post was about my frustration with Austin and Chantz and their inability to function away from these machines called XBox and PC that suck them into a vortex and refuses to spit them out for hours and hours...

Austin is once again limited in his game playing; Chantz came through and moved the XBox into the living room where we can control it. Austin must finish his schoolwork first (yes, he is still being homeschooled through out the summer) before he can play. He can also earn time by playing outside or going to the park.

sidebar: I forced both kids to the park the other day and I had force them to go home!!!

Austin himself has been requesting bedtime stories every night this week! What's more, is that Chantz has been reading to him. Tess and I went to the public library. We got Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Charlotte's Web and, my all time favorite book ever, Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. That is Austin's bedtime story choice this week. Tess likes Matilda- you know, that cute movie with Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman? about the little girl whose parents are mean to her and send her to an awful school where the headmistress is cruel and evil and makes a boy eat this HUGE cake and Matilda is a genius and magical... the same author as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...

Sorry, I let my self slip into SofC again. I just can't help it sometimes. I am sorry if it is annoying, oh wait, I'm not. But it is relaxing and this is my blog- so there (envision tongue sticking out).

So my Austin and Chantz issues are resolved, for now, oh how I am ever the optimist, and I feel so much better. I even made Austin a bedtime storybook. It is just a social story to help him get ready for bed and reduce his nervousness and anxiety. It sets up a routine but at the same time leaves room for change to let him know change is ok.

Oh and some of my irrationality and pissiness in my last post might have had something to do with PMS. Might have.

We lost a door knob yesterday. Yeah! Chantz opened the door and off it popped. The look he had was priceless! They actually came and fixed it today! I didn't call until this morning, after our internet shut down and poor Chantz couldn't play with Mikey! Nor bother talk to him on the phone, which is why I was able to call. They even removed some of the seal so the kids can actually open the door now! Aw hell, now I can open the damn door! From the way the landlords usually are (a realtor for Christ's sake) we figured they might come fix it next year.

Did I ever mention that I hate living in Laramie, WY? Well I am now.

I am reading an awesome new series by L Ron Hubbard, think BattleField Earth (NOT the lame-ass movie but the awesome monster of a book), called Mission Earth. It is a science fiction SATIRE from the perspective of the Aliens who are going to invade in 100 years. My god does it make fun of earth and the US and all and I mean all government and local agencies- you know, they all think they run the government, are corrupt and use psychology and drugs to manipulate the population and the universities push CONFORMITY and the world is being destroyed by pollution! Which is why Jet Heller is there to leak technology to preserve our world so it will still be habitable when the Voltarians come to invade in 100 years. But the narrator of the story, Soltan Gris, this pansy ass, mean, stupid, bugs bunny and froyd influenced, creep, incompetent slimeball of a spy with paranoia and god knows what, must make sure Jet doesn't succeed (I won't reveal why). It is so very engrossing. The agency that Soltan works for, called in short the Apparatus, has these initials: CIA.

Truly wonderful and amazing. And the narrator is really disgusting although I sometimes feel sorry for the poor "bleepard" cuz nothing goes his way and he is treated like dirt by his superiors in the same way he treats his subordinates. Ah and there is also a lot of comment on drugs, prostitution and Mafia.

Just good all around entertainment. Not recommended, by me, for kids! Adult content!

I love it! You must read Mission Earth, Invader's Plan (bk 1). Beware, it is a dekalogy. Yep, that means 10 books. 10!

Kid troubles

Austin is autistic [I will not say "my child with autism"- really people- get over it already[ and has sensory integration disorder. He is high functioning; it is called Asperger's. He is addicted to video games and such and since school has let out has done nothing else. I am sorry- but 8 or more hours a day of gaming for a young child is way too much!! Especially if he does nothing else all day. Austin's development is going to be stunted if we let this continue! My problem is that I am left to entertain him... my husband won't. It isn't until Austin melts down that he realizes that we can't let him play for that long just because dad does.


That is another thing; he needs to get off the damn computer and spend time with the kids. He has been this way since they were born. He makes speeches about how we [meaning not him] avoid our problems by reading or playing or watching TV. What the hell does he think his motivation is? Hello! He is avoiding his family.


So he sees it now and he makes plans he can't follow through with. Next week he will forget all about it. Damn it anyway. I am not strong enough to schedule this house. I just can't! Especially when he is home 24/7. Ick. I cannot wait for him to get a job! When he took 6 weeks paternity leave from school after Bruce was born [to help me[- he spent it on the computer every day that Mike had off- as long as Misty wasn't home. She will not let him be on all day if she is home. [They play Everquest together- and spend almost the entire time on the phone. Not because they have anything to say to each other- but because they are to lazy to type![


I do not control Chantz- by far- but I can be a bitch. Maybe I will have to guilt him as much as I can; try to force him to set an example. He thinks it wrong to make the kids do something if he doesn't do it himself. That idea sounds good but it is flawed; Chantz did not spend his childhood on a machine. He spent it outdoors. He says he doesn't know what to do for fun with them; maybe he should goddamn try. And when we do do something- he has no patience! He is Autistic! He doesn't understand!


I get so frustrated- too. I actually hate having him home all the time. I would like some time to myself- especially if I want to read or use the computer myself- other than at 12:30 in the morning. And if I do these things- I have to here him bitch that I am not cleaning and "don't you wanna move?" Or- god forbid- he cleans or works on the truck and I sit on my ass- do I ever here about it. It is ok for me to watch TV- but nothing else. I say I am bored- he says why don't you clean? Hello- why don't you do something with us- take us to the park or walk; do something outside! We did go for a walk the other day- but not with Austin- and had to come home because I had an allergy attack- and we have had a buttload of snow and rain this week [yes in June[ and we did go to Six Flags- but these don't add up. It isn't enough.


Before you get all inflamed and think "my god what a butthole" and she needs to blah blah blah- realize that Chantz is Autistic too. He does what he can. He does the best he can and that is more than I can say for myself. I just hold it all in until I burst and do nothing but bitch to a computer monitor and react through my fingertips. If I had my head out of my butt and paid attention and homeschooled him every day through the summer like I planned and not whimped out because Chantz is home everyday and not let CHANGE ruffle my feathers to total meltdown- this situation would not have happened. I have depression and I know it and it is my own fault if I don't keep it under control.


I must say that I feel much better having vented. No one reads this anyway. It's like a journal I won't loose- use for something else [like make useless lists to relieve anxiety[ and will most likely update regularly.


Ahhh.


I am going to go to bed now. I am tired. Ok- I will most likely prepare tomorrow's lesson. Sunday or now he is learning. So ha!


By the way- the font I use makes commas look like periods and it is quite confusing [but do download it because it is way cool![ That is why I use dashes. I mean- why I go back and delete all commas and replace with dashes. Yes- I had to do that in that and this sentence as well.


yeesh.

2nd Interview!

Chantz has a second interview scheduled with Schlumberger on June 24th in Oklahoma. The first recruiter told him the job is in Sugar Land TX- but either way I don't really care where the job is. It is an awesome opportunity for him. I cannot wait to find out! This means he will be turning down the job at TravelCenters of America in New York.

So if he doesn't get the job we don't have a backup. I have 21 days to find him another job in case this one bombs. I am going to search in Houston because I would just really love to live there.

Oh- he just graduated from Wyotech and that is why we are looking for a new job and place to live.

Laramie sucks.

This is my daughter Tessa, age 7, holding my son Bruce, 3 months. 

Trying something new

I am going to trying using blogger for a while, it just seems so much easier than posting to a traditional web page. I will be keeping my regular site, it will just take me a while to get it going.

I am feeling better and hopefully will not spin into that naughty thing called stream of conscious tonight. Maybe.

Not too much going on. We are still waiting to hear back from some companies that interviewed Chantz. New York or Texas? Where will we go? Who will call? Can we even go at all? Well~ that last one is only a problem if he takes the job in NY. Texas will move us and it is a better job. I wanna go to Texas! It is warm and nice and warm... But~ (insert deep~ dramatic pause) all of my family is in upstate NY. Not that he will get a position upstate~ we are hopefull. There is an opening in southern NY~ near NYC.

I can breath. I know one way or the other things will get better even if we do have to stay in the Mon-Dak-Wyo-Colorado area. We will just have to get the heck out of here later!

Money money money... always a problem money. Never have enough of it~ don't have enough to move.

So I dream of Texas...

and I dream...

new and exciting and trepidation and a little bit of stream of conscious so get over it I don't really care this is me today so deal with it or go aw

Chantz graduates tomorrow from Wyotech. This should bring happy faces and all that junk but we are so go#$%mn broke money is leaking out of our pockets and shoes and hair... speaking of hair I have the worst haircut I have ever received, even that one I got in upstate New York when I was visiting Ma and the very nice gay stylist made it all POOFY and I can't get the damn gold brassy color out of my new blonde hair come on! it is ash to begin with why won't it stay??? and the cut is awful hello people I have thick course wavy hair--- do not cut it like it is straight and smooth- dumba%*es anyway... And his work can't seem to find his paycheck and like I said our account is leaking money and we really need that check and are we going to have enough for next months rape me- abuse me- extort me- atrociously over the top- rent?

Dear god and we need to pay bills- the cable payment was lost in the mail and our credit already sucks and I have to find out what is going on with that and nothing is fixed in this damn puke off-white kill me now apartment and we have a stupid lease and no one has called yet about subletting this damn hole and I need to put more flyers up but I DON'T WANNA and thank god Chantz has interviews next week at the Career Fair and I hope he gets a good job a New York job a job that can pay our moving expenses job or we are stuck in Hell Wyoming- I mean Laramie WY- remember the Shepperd kid at UW? Yeah that town and I wan't out of here! I want to go home it has been 14 years already I have had enough I miss my family and my dad is gone he was so young and it is not fair why don't men go to the doctor ever? ever ever ever when it can save their life and why is he gone? and why is my son's name now Bruce? and it took me these four months to be comfortable calling my baby Bruce cuz it is so sad and I still cry sometimes I see something on TV or hear a song on the radio and it might be new and he'll never hear it but he would have liked it but he's with me always I can feel him with me all the time you never beleive till it happens to you and you wake up and his presence is there and he is angry and confused and mad because he is gone oh why am I gone and time goes by and he is there looking out for me and you never know until it happens to you so if he is here then he hears those songs and watched Return of the King with me and I don't need to be sad but sometimes I am...

and sometimes I cry oh god why do I still cry? haven't I cried enough for thousands of people and little girls without their fathers and mothers who are sad and not really there and not really a person sometimes because sometimes life sucks and she couldn't deal with glasses breaking or John eating Cereal at night or raisng us cuz she was gone and now she is stuck again and is gone and the migraines are killing her and she gives she gives she gives and they take and nothing is given back to her ever why is life so unfair? why is life so cruel to mothers of daughters and the baby cooed and brightens my day the dayquil is working and I want to go to bed but the thoughts oh the thoughts they come and they come and they come and pour out of me like rain like pain like the stuff from my nose that drains and makes me choke as it goes down the back of my throat and...

well...

and...

the well is dry the words are shriviling like well you can imagine what they shrivel like and stress is good no it is evil and I need to go to the bank and the other bank and call people and do this and that and you Know I won't do any of it any way so get over it and goodbye.

Untitled 1

i don't hate you cuz your impatient
i don't hate you cuz your controlling
I hate you cuz you take away my voice.
sometimes i hate myself

Dawn DschaaK