too much

An email from Candy: "What's going on with you - are you okay? I worry when I don't hear from you."

My reply:

i am so-so
less crazy, still confused
paranoia is gone (didn't know i had it before)
still overwhelmed. still spending too much money. still stressed and frustrated. still not sleeping at night.
been reading or watching tv.
BUT i am trying to get stuff done. try to get austin into mental health, no answer, left message, no call back. try to get kids to doctor, phone busy.
am skipping tessa's piano lessons today. its too much.
girl scouts 2x/month, science club and piano lessons???
the lesson is at 4:30. rush hour traffic!? schools letting out!? missing dinner time every friday!? its too much
i am getting dinner ready right now, we are going to eat, and watch a movie i bought and stay the fuck home
c is on his way home
THANK GOD.
i am a tad tired and run down, brandy still has a cold. class is going well. i have a 99%

Musings, not amused

What is the politically correct term for black people in England?
Why do I get so overwhelmed?
Why is Bruce too much all the time?
Why am I such a spaz?
Why am I not as good a mommy as I was a year ago?
Why is my porch such a disaster?
Why do I get stuck doing shit I don't want to do?
Why do I feel guilty when I do something for myself?
Why are babies so cute?
Why do baby girls lift their dresses over there heads?
Why is peek-a-boo so fascinating for babies?
Why can't I screw in a screw into the wall with out stripping it out?
I hate not being able to finish something I start.
So if I don't think I can, i won't try.
The bookcase in my room is disastrous.
There is an overwhelming amount of laundry to do, the floor needs to be mopped, there is barbeque sauce on the wall by the table, and toys everywhere.
It takes forever just to sweep this floor, and even longer to get it in shape to be mopped.
Tomorrow it will looks just as gross anyway so why bother?
I hate disappointing Chantz.
I spend money I don't have when I am stressed out.
I want him home!
I am tired of these trips to Montana.
They were supposed to get a new driver. That was the plan.
They don't care. No one fucking cares.
Why don't people understand simple English?
Why is the following concept so difficult for them to understand?
Why don't they care about me?
Why don't I matter?

I still can't do this by myself!!!

Which way do we go?

Do we support the black man? Should we support the woman? Or do we offer support to the Latino?

I have always been a fan of Hillary, but we need to listen to the issues, pay attention to what we already know about the candidates, and then give all our support to Hillary. Just kidding!!!

Hmmm... divided I think the people may be, if we have to many decent choices, especially choices that look appetising to minorities. I think know that there are those out there who will choose solely on race and sex. This is sad.

In better news, the in laws are coming home and husband is on his way to MT. I have the house to meself. Woohoo! I am still doing nothing... alright...

Am I reading my book (Eragon)? Am I studying my faith? Cleaning? Sleeping? Nope, I am blogging! At least I am back to making dolls. I really want to start sewing, but am afraid. Plus, it entails shopping for fabric, and I want silk, patterns, threads, buttons, etc. Who has the time? And I want to wait until I am at least 20 pounds lighter. That's not going to happen if I keep eating candy bars. They are just so yummy... but it is the sugar craving that gets me. It is a physical addiction, and sometimes I don't feel strong enough to just say no!

What do you think I should do:

Read, sleep, study, clean, doll, sew, or blog?

Warning: This is My 299th post! Look Out!

What will I bring you for my 300? While you chew on that, take a look at a photo of me and Dolly, my mother in law's Palomino. I look funny, because my shirt blends in with the hitching post in the background, and because I am fat. *laughs* I wasn't posing for this picture. I was talking to Alice while she was playing with her RAZR phone. I didn't know she captured me!


That is her house in the background, and you can see some of Bruce's toys in the yard. They have three acres, quite a bit of it is in the back, toward where I am facing. The fence is finally up. I get to take care of Dolly while they are gone; she gets outs with grated carrot and raw egg now, twice a day, plus hay. She loves to dig through the hay for the good stuff, when she snorts it sounds more like a honk, and she doesn't like sugar cubes, apples or carrots, which is why we are grating them and mixing them into her oats. She isn't used to being alone because she spent the last few years with the same horses and she gets antsy and lonely.

Larry's been riding her and said she is a bit rough because her toes are too long. They farrier the neighbor uses will come out on the same schedule for her. I was a little scared of her at first, and I told her so, but she seems to like me now. She is very interested in Brandy and she likes to smell her head! Dolly is named after Alice's idol, Dolly Parton. Alice loves Dolly Parton and got to go to her concert last year. Alice said the people in the good seats didn't deserve them; they were not excited enough to be there, lol! She plans to take us all to Dollywood someday!


We are still planning to buy a new couch from Ikea, but we have more money than we thought we would, so we can get a better, bigger couch. The first one is a leather sofa that Chantz really likes. It only seats three, but we can save up some money and buy the matching loveseat later. The sofa costs about $700.


This sofa has a fabric cover that is removable and washable. It is in two pieces, a chaise and loveseat combined into oneand it has attached tables. I prefer this one, but can go either way. I think this one was around $750, or so. We like the leather for the durability factor, but the removable covers are a plus, too. We are undecided. I can't wait to take a trip to the Houston Ikea!

Candace tagged me for a book meme.
You do this:

1) Find the nearest book
2) Open to page 123
3) Type lines 6-8 of said book
4) Tag three others

So here goes:

"Set the bowl and mirror down and hold both of your hands, palms down, over (not touvhing) the bowl, about one inch above the water. Let the vibrations of your body come alive. Open your third eye chakra and..."

From To Ride a Silver Broomstick
by Silver Ravenwolf

I had to cheat a bit because my book had a worksheet on page 123, so I used page 122. I am sure Candace will forgive me? I tag Retarded Rugrat, Jblue, and Diana Crabtree.