A big shout out to Miss Kitty

It took me all night long to set this blog up! I couldn't decide on blogger or wordpress, until I found out I had to pay to customize wordpress. No thank you! I downloaded the google toolbar, logged in and found all my old bookmarks. A big thanks to Ann from Ornamental Illness for inspiring me to blog again and a HUGE thank you to Miss Kitty for the blog template. Mmmmwah! :*

Do what you love and love what you do! Peace!

Prolification

Is that a word? I doubt it. Its a total Dawn-ism. Its just that I used to be so prolific! I haven't written anything in a very long time. I am glad to be back though.

Its more than an internet connection. Its a commitment. A permanence. A reestablishment of what once was.

The relief I felt after I called the cable company and ordered service- after living here for 10 months- was a clear indication that I needed to validate to myself that I really am home.

too much

An email from Candy: "What's going on with you - are you okay? I worry when I don't hear from you."

My reply:

i am so-so
less crazy, still confused
paranoia is gone (didn't know i had it before)
still overwhelmed. still spending too much money. still stressed and frustrated. still not sleeping at night.
been reading or watching tv.
BUT i am trying to get stuff done. try to get austin into mental health, no answer, left message, no call back. try to get kids to doctor, phone busy.
am skipping tessa's piano lessons today. its too much.
girl scouts 2x/month, science club and piano lessons???
the lesson is at 4:30. rush hour traffic!? schools letting out!? missing dinner time every friday!? its too much
i am getting dinner ready right now, we are going to eat, and watch a movie i bought and stay the fuck home
c is on his way home
THANK GOD.
i am a tad tired and run down, brandy still has a cold. class is going well. i have a 99%

What's up with you?

Have you seen this? It's great! I am totally encouraging you to go look!

I went to my friend, Jan's, house today. We ended up stuffing 7 kids in my van and headed to the park. Once we got there, and everyone was sucking down snow cones, we wondered, "what the hell were we thinking?? It's August in Texas! Who the hell goes to the park in August??"

I think next time it will be the pool. We came back and stopped at my new neighbors house so Jan could take a look at their Dachshund pups. Jan's wiener dog had gotten run over, and she was preggers, (terribly, terribly sad!) and she is looking for a new dog; an inside, house dog! They have two to give away, and Jan is going to take two of them home in about three weeks. Ain't that sweet?

My kitty, Molly, no longer tries to eat us. Here's a tip: canned cat food can make kitties aggressive! Now she is all sweet and loverly again.

School is going just fine, and I am happy with it. My grades so far are amazing! I also recently got a new prescription for my depression. I am sorry to say it does nothing for my big mouth, however. It's called trazodone, and it is to be taken at night; the fluoxetine (prozac) is still to be taken in the mornings.

I am a google junkie, (seriously, you should see my track marks!) and I had to google that drug. I found it at wikipedia, another addiction of mine, and guess what? A side effect of it is an increased sex drive!!! Wooo hooo!

Oh and I bought a hypnotherapy cd set from Wendi.com. :D

Musings, not amused

What is the politically correct term for black people in England?
Why do I get so overwhelmed?
Why is Bruce too much all the time?
Why am I such a spaz?
Why am I not as good a mommy as I was a year ago?
Why is my porch such a disaster?
Why do I get stuck doing shit I don't want to do?
Why do I feel guilty when I do something for myself?
Why are babies so cute?
Why do baby girls lift their dresses over there heads?
Why is peek-a-boo so fascinating for babies?
Why can't I screw in a screw into the wall with out stripping it out?
I hate not being able to finish something I start.
So if I don't think I can, i won't try.
The bookcase in my room is disastrous.
There is an overwhelming amount of laundry to do, the floor needs to be mopped, there is barbeque sauce on the wall by the table, and toys everywhere.
It takes forever just to sweep this floor, and even longer to get it in shape to be mopped.
Tomorrow it will looks just as gross anyway so why bother?
I hate disappointing Chantz.
I spend money I don't have when I am stressed out.
I want him home!
I am tired of these trips to Montana.
They were supposed to get a new driver. That was the plan.
They don't care. No one fucking cares.
Why don't people understand simple English?
Why is the following concept so difficult for them to understand?
Why don't they care about me?
Why don't I matter?

I still can't do this by myself!!!

I am in school

And that's why I haven't been around much lately! I like it, too. I also am thinking about getting a part time job.

Laters!

Where Am I?

Dear Dawn,
Here is your AstroSlam
for Wednesday, July 4:

You're perfectly capable of entertaining yourself. Really, friendship and love are totally overrated -- and you know it. A lifetime of solitaire and word-search puzzles suits you just fine.


That is so much closer to the truth than anyone knows, I think. I am going to Houston today to register for classes at DeVry. I didn't sleep well last night and I am going to be so tired by this afternoon. I am up very early so I can do this and get everything done on time. Funny that I am here instead!

We didn't go to a fireworks display; we had our own. I was a brat though, and came inside with Brandy, who didn't like it much, because it isn't fun for me to run around and watch the babies while everyone else has a good time. C and his mom watched the kids and let the fireworks off and had a good time without me. I heard about it later, though.

I am tired of being a mom who never gets out or has any fun. It just reminds me of when Austin and Tessa were little and I had to give up everything for them. No one here wants to hear this shit though, so I get to use my blog for what it was originally intended... an outlet for my angst. LOL "Angst" I like that word... makes me sound so... you know.

Sometimes I wonder where my fiery spirit went. Is it hidden?

Or lost forever?

Welcome to My Life

Ok, brandy had a bath, I got her lotioned and diapered and dressed, and went to get a bottle ready, turned on yahoo messenger, and she climbed into the walk in shower with Bruce. Yup fully clothed.

And now there is a naked baby boy running up and down the hallway, very happy. I don't think he is tired one bit.

*Sigh* at least I got The Sims to work. Then I lost internet. I talked to the tech support guys -"outsourced" of course- and both cordless phones are not working. So I run back and forth back and forth to give him all these numbers, and he tells me to POWER CYCLE THE MODEM. That means unplug it and plug it back in in nontechnical language! And I know this! Why didn't I think of this?

Welcome to my life! And I am not even frazzled. I wonder why not?

***update***
Bruce was the first to fall asleep last night. I was comopletely surprised!

My Mommy

Ma is here, finally! We spent today looking at houses. This is our favorite one. Aren't those cabinets beautiful? The fire place is open to the living and dining rooms. It's a three bedroom, 2 bath house with out a garage.

We have lots more looking to do, so wish us luck!!

Bored Now

And I have nothing to say. My mom should be coming to visit when the inlaws come home... she will hitch a ride with them.

I love this outfit here, but it isn't in my size or my price range. I would like to make it myself maybe! I don't know though, maybe mom and I can do something like this!

Later, I have dolling to do.

My life, in a conversation

"Don't you have homework to do?" I asked.

"Don't you have a house to clean?"

Damn! She's good.

Band

Austin had band tryouts on Tuesday at the Middle School. He tried the trumpet, percussion, saxophone and trombone. The teacher who was testing the percussion doesn't teach it anymore, but he remembers Austin from the Music Screening they did at the elementary school and he wants to teach Austin himself, because he thinks he would make a good musician! How cool is that? He said that Austin looked like he would be good at the Trombone or Trumpet and that we should try those too. His score for percussion was ok, but he got "good" for the rest! He has a "good buzz"!

So now we wait and see where they put him next year. The kids get a whole class time for instruction in their instrument. Austin prefers the trumpet, but I am sure he will be happy with whatever he gets. And to tell you the truth, his first day trying out the trumpet he sounded better than my brother ever did! HA!

I finished my Kim Harrison book, for a few demons more this morning! Her books are very addictive. I am finally done with all the ones I have, so I can start sleeping again at night! I have a tendency to stay up all hours reading. The world she created is totally fascinating, and it is still running through my head. I shouldn't read so fast. I should read a chapter at a time and let it sink in, but I don't and I can't. I am thinking of starting the series over.

I put a few flowers out in pots on my back porch and cleaned it up a bit. I want it to look cozy and it is starting to finally. God I have nothing to say.

We dyed easter eggs and got our easter shopping done the other night. We go all out for the traditional Easter Bunny Easter Festivities. I am even thinking about getting the kids pics taken at walmart for Easter.

When I was a kid, my parents always hid our Easter Baskets on us. But then I met Chantz and they ridiculed me to death about that. The baskets are never hidden in our home, only the eggs. One year me and Chantz woke up to find a few dozen eggs hidden all over our yard! I have believed in the Easter Bunny ever since then. Easter makes me very hungry for ham! yummy!

So what do you guys do for Easter?

Well...

Does this mean no more staying up late reading my vampire books?

"Dear Dawn,

Here is your AstroSlam for Friday, March 30:

You're really beginning to feel the exhaustion that comes from hanging out with vampires। If you can't see your friends in the mirror, then you shouldn't be nightclubbing with them. Travel with a silver stake! "

What did we do on our vaca?

We went to Piney Shores Resort in Conroe- a time share thingy bobber- and the kids swam, and I swam, but the indoor pool was closed for repairs, so this was in the outside pool. It was coolish. but not too bad. The weather here is beautiful! I took them swimming again today after school, and I got to read!!! C stayed home because he got home from work late that day.

I learned that Tessa can manage to hog a king size bed and that she likes to snuggle. I learned that Bruce and Brandy don't like sleeping places other than home, and that even in a beautiful lodge, with a kitchen, living room, 2 bedrooms, 2 full baths, one a Jacuzzi, and 3 TVS, that I still end up sleeping either on the floor or on the couch with babies! I learned that kids who don't want to go to school will take care of a baby for 3 hours and let Mom sleep in... and that little girls are not above resorting to tears and denial when confronted.

I sorta stayed up almost all night and not totally because of the littlest babies. They did keep me up late, but after they passed out, that Midol kicked in and I read my witch/vampire novel until almost morning. (Dead witches tell no tales) Then I took a 5 hour nap. It was wonderful!!!!

And I admit that it was fun bringing them to school, and laying on the guilt just a bit, when I knew it was my fault entirely. A mom has to have some fun once in a while, no?

Mini Vaca

Be back in a few!

Montgomery County Fair

I think that you ought to know...

...that I am in excruciating pain. I made a deal with the devil dentist, to have the rear molar removed, rather than canaled and crowned. I got credit for what I already paid for, and had an exam done. I will instead have the rest of my teeth repaired, so I never have to go through this agony again.

But I am in PAIN! I was not given anything for the pain after the extraction, and I am hopped up on OTC pain killers and I am in AGONY! I have a headache, and I think the pain in my lower jaw is aggravating the nerves in my upper teeth. I feel extreme soreness as well as toothache pain, and I have a splitting headache. The baby is teething and screaming and Chantz is in Glendive.

The icing is that I figured out that my antidepressants DO NOT work and that I have been depressed for at least 3 weeks.

I need to be saved from myself.

Austin's Essay

We helped Austin write this essay for the LEAP class we had to take.


My goal is to be a computer programmer and video game designer. To accomplish my goal, I need to do many things. One thing I need to do is become a great video game player! I need to play a variety of video games from all the different game types, like strategy, sports, building, shooter, and role playing games. I will also need to keep a game journal that describes what games I have played and what I like about them, what type of buildings and characters there are. I would also keep track of the things I don't like about the games' graphics, story, and the characters development.
I need to do good in school. I need to do my school work in class when my teacher tells me to. I need to work independently. Without arguing or whining about my work. I need to get good grades in math, reading, writing and history, so I can go to a good college for at least four years, so I can get a really good degree in computer programming and game design. To get good grades in reading I need to practice reading at home and maybe get a tutor. To get good grades in writing I need to pay attention in class and take extra writing classes, and writing in a journal at home about my games I am playing. I need to catch up in my math classes so I can learn harder math. I will pay attention in history class, and I will continue to watch the History, Learning and Discovery channels. My favorite show on the History channel is Modern Marvels, because it has history and science making it more interesting.
I need to be good in school and I need to listen to my teacher to improve my listening skills. One way I can do that is by following directions and saying yes sir or yes ma'am. I need to read instructions to video game tutorials to learn how to play games. In school I need to learn vocal skills so I can be a good talker. I also need to learn another language like Spanish to go to college. I need to become a great dirt bike rider because it is a sport and I need to learn a sport to become a game designer. I want to take guitar lessons for my musical instrument I need to learn.
I want to build model cities and military complexes for the games I make. I can make movies about them too. I will practice making maps like I do in my video games I play. My dad can help me build the models and my dad can help me create games. Everything that I draw, build or create I need to keep pictures of in my portfolio. A portfolio is a book of all the stuff I draw or make, like cities. I will use this book to help me get a job when I am done with school so I can make lots of money.

Sometimes it's not a mom thing...

...and sometimes it is. But how to tell when it is a wife thing??

Ever eat fishsticks that taste like ass?

Ever been so sick that you vomited at the same time it came out the other end?

How do you deal with people who drive you freaking crazy? When they are family members and cannot be disposed of in garbage sacks, I mean. :p

That's about all. I'm pooped (he he).

Answer the questions in the comments for me ok? This IS NOT a meme. I just like lists.