Noses and revenge

So I was sitting on the floor with Bruce and he was very happy and bouncing around and playing, and he walks over and pointing his finger at me he says "Zthat?" Ah, how cute... then he jabbed that little finger right up my nose! Owee, that hurt. Can you believe it? I got a bloody nose from 13 month old! Yikes...

Of course Chantz thought it was great when I told him. He gets his though. He's been calling me and bragging about the nice weather in Texas. He even called just to tell me he was watching my "favorite movie." I knew what he was talking about- "City of Angels!" I hate that movie, I hate it! The first time we watched it he got so excited. "Yes! That's awesome. Smack!" Jerk. "She didn't get run over by a truck, she ran into the truck!"

Remember I said he gets his? He and his dad are coming home right now and guess what? They have to get a load and go right back. By the time they get there (Texas) the other truck will be fixed, so guess what? You got it, they can turn around and come right home! It's really going to suck, though. Who knows how messed up this is going to get; things never go the way they are supposed to. He irritates me anymore when he is home anyway. When things get back to "normal" it won't be so bad. He was only home so much this last time because the truck was broke. He normally drives locally so we see him a lot more than when he has to go all the way to Conroe, but not as much as when he can't work...

I need to go to bed now. Seven comes so fast...

Howdy howdy howdy, I forgot what I was gonna say

Hey people, if you check this link when there is trouble, you will know what is going on with blogger: (http://status.blogger.com/) Here is an excerpt for those of you too lazy to click on links:

"Just a quick reminder that we will be going ahead with a planned network maintenance on Monday the 6th from 7PM-8PM PST. Blogger and Blog*Spot blogs will be unavailable during that time.
This maintenance won't fix everything, but it will make things better. I promise."
Posted by Pete at 21:18 PST

To find out what was wrong this weekend, you'll just have to go check for yourself because I am not your mom. I think. I am so many people's mom that I may get confused. Sometimes I just get that way.

Oh yeah, my schedule. I am waiting for the perfect planner. In the meantime I bought a 2 year planner for a buck at Albertson's. It will work for appointments. It is one of those checkbook shaped dohickies that isn't much more than a calendar. As for organizing, here is what I have been doing lately. In the mornings before I get to blog or watch TV or even turn on the PC, I clean the kitchen- dishes, counters, sweep, check the garbage (Austin takes it out- I ain't hiking my big prego butt all the way through the yard, to the alley, then down the alley to the middle and back again! No way!), the nuker, pick up any stray toys, toss the laundry downstairs (and wash it; drying- not always!), check the carpet and bathroom and table, etc. Now that I am caught up (my lord was that first day awful!) it only takes me a short while and I feel guilty if I use the PC. So now that I have a routine I am adding to it. I need to dust, check the entry, clean under the garbage can and that little hidden shelf needs to be cleaned up as well. Tomorrow I have to put all that laundry I washed away, and see if that last load I did today, that I have no intention of putting in the dryer tonight, needs to be rewashed or if it can go straight in the dryer. Rocksy needs to be trained; just ten minutes around the yard on her choke chain and 5 or so sitting, staying and laying down inside should do it. She escaped from Austin today; first time since I started her "regimen"- you know, when I became her master? Since she can be dangerous to poor passersby and oncoming traffic, I knew I had to get her right away! How to get her to come? Raw hamburger in the frig! I didn't need to get that messy, Tess was making a baloney sandwich and I grabbed a piece and went out. I squatted down where she could see me and started nibbling on it. When she came near I called her and stuck it out. Oh yeah, who's the man? She ran right up to me and devoured my hand (like I was letting go!) and I grabbed her with the other. No punishment, because then she won't come to me. I put her back on the chain and went my merry way.

Then I need to clean this basement. I need to get the clean matress pad and sheets on my bed- get the trash out and organize it a bit. The shower curtain needs to go up in the bathroom so we can use it. But this is just the "apartment" part. The rest is icky. Rocksy found paper towels- imagine the mess- and there is laundry lint abounds. So I need to sweep and vac. I just don't wanna! I need to call Frank's and make an appointment for our taxes, get stamps, pay these bills- PATH, AES, the credit card and my fine at the courthouse. Don't get your panties in a wad; it was for driving without insurance on the way to get insurance! And I ended up with Geico anyway!

Do I plan to get all that done in one day? No and that is why this works. If I have to let something go to the next day, I let it go. I don't try to do to much or I get overwhelmed. Many of the morning stuff I did tonight so I'm good to go. That is another thing. During the day I keep the living room, bathroom and kitchen "up" so they don't get too bad, and after dinner sometime I clean up. My rule? Don't leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight. That really small load is a lot more than it looks. So I wiped, swept, wet swiffered, and picked up toys already. I even cleaned that entry I had planned for tomorrow. See how easy that was? Now in the morning all I have to do is clean up after the kids then move on to the next stuff. Whew, I am wiped. Ithink I am going to sign off now. I have other stuff to do yet- the goofing off kind.

Damn you Blogger!!!

I am so god damned pissed. This will be my THIRD, yes, third time posting this same post today! If it disappears again I am GOING TO QUIT BLOGGER. This is just ridiculous!!!!! It was there, I saw it, I went to bed, got up and it was gone. I posted it again, saw it and later logged in to edit it. It was on my blog visually, but the damn thing was missing from my edit thingy. Now it is gone completely. Maybe blogger doesn't deserve to see my new fairy. Maybe it should just fudge itself for not answering my emails. Maybe I will just move anyway out of SPITE!!!!!

Here is a fairy I made. The base is from Embrace You Inner Pink. No witty comments or details because by now I am so damn bored with the whole thing!!!!!!!!!!



What the hell, lets go for it. I am going to add another fairy, it is the first doll I made. The "Lollie" doll base is from ElectroniCandy, the dress was inspired by Amy Brown and I made the hair from a tutorial by Angy Chan.



I have also been meaning to mention that I have updated my Haunts section. Please take a moment and visit the new blogs! (Those would be the ones with the *NEW* around them, lol!) I am not so pissed anymore. Now it's up to blogger.

My life in a blog post

I am getting a daily planner. My life is a mess, disorganized, I forget appointments, slip into depression and get nothing done. That is going to change. It will change or things in this house are going to change in a negative way.

I used to have a very nice planner I bought at a university bookstore- it contained my life and is the only reason I made it through college. I don't know where it is now. I forgot I ever had it until I decided to buy one today. It had everything- weekly at a glance, daily- hour by hour, notes, budget, address book, everything and it didn't cost me very much at all! Boss had one, it was $80. WTH? I am now at the Franklin covey website and am searching for that perfect contraction to throw my life into. I need this. I need structure, or I suffer terribly. I am undisciplined. If I knew where the old one was, all I would need to do is buy a refill, but it is probably in the trash somewhere. I will buy it, use it, depend on it like a crutch and refill it next year and the next. I will tell it to tell me when to clean and when to shop and do the checkbook and pay the bills and see the doctor and when I can use the computer. Wellbutrin can only do so much and I can't take meds for adult add when I am pregnant. This I am sure that I have, it makes so much sense. And since I can't get help for it from a little pill I will have to help myself.

I am a firm believer in the power of helping one's self. I used to be that person who waited for help to come from a higher power, who gave herself over entirely to her deity and prayed daily for the burden to be lifted and be given a normal life. I waited a very long time and nothing ever came but more depression (which is a medical illness which needs treatment, in my case) and more misery and confusion. Until I went to school, got educated, opened my mind and for the first time did something for me, by me, on my own. (Getting educated gave me the opportunity to finally understand what my husband had been trying to tell me for years.) I now believe the higher power helps those who help themselves, or at least try to anyway, wholeheartedly. I believe I can do anything I try to do, if I believe I can, through the power of my own will. I give myself over entirely to myself and my family. It is when I forget or let things go or have no reason to put myself out there that I fail, and don't even notice that I am dying. I must watch myself continuously and it isn't easy, especially when doing nothing is so easy. Having 2 children 2 years in a row like this doesn't help.

I need to schedule in more sleep- I am always so exhausted. My yoga instructor is out of town due to family illness and I do not know when she will be back. I would have to swallow my embarrassment and call and ask, and ask if my two missed sessions will carry over, since it is not my fault I only got 4. I paid for 6, right? I don't think they will give me a hard time; they are very nice people. I just don't like to ask. Inhale comes on every morning a 7 on Oxygen and I try to get up on time and do the yoga along with it. I also do it at night as often as I can with the kids; it helps them sleep so much better. The guy on TV said yoga brings the body into balance so the mind can be brought into focus. I think just by dimming lights, using candles, shutting off TV's, and giving the kids time to unwind before bed helps them enormously. The exercise routines are essential as well, and very simple. We do a few sun salutations and cow-cats and some stretches, but the benefits to the kids are amazing. They don't come to me and whine about being uncomfortable, hungry or tired. They don't yell across the house for me or Chantz and are quite pleasant. It is hard adjusting to this routine when Chantz is home, but he got right into it and went downstairs with Austin and Bruce so I can get started with Tessa. I do one kid at a time and put Tessa to bed first. Then I move on to Austin. His routine is simpler and shorter than hers, she is into it more than him. I have run out of words. Ciao.

Overhead

Ok, quick reminder: Chantz's Folks' business has two trucks, one just bought, used. In Texas it got a new motor put in, with a one year warranty. After he got back, it started running badly, so he took it to a Ford dealer in Miles City. The motor is shot, apparently they just got a bad motor from the factory, no biggie, it is under warranty and they get a new one. But will the Ford Dealership in Miles City take care of it? Hell no! They hemmed and hawed about the warranty not being good and blah blah blah... The dealership in Texas that screwed up pays for it, Miles City gets reimbursed for their work. They are worried about getting paid- so the guy from Texas asked Chantz if they could just bring it back to Texas?

Welcome to Montana!

The guys in TX are really great I guess, and are easy going. So they (my inlaws) are going to load it up on the trailer and haul it down to TX to get fixed. They were supposed to leave Monday or Tuesday, but on the way home their transmission went to hell. That is two trucks down, two trucks not making any money. They had this truck towed to Billings and are on their way right now to pick it up. Then they leave for TX.

At first I thought this business made loads of money, but countered by overhead, it seems so small! They may not have to pay for the new motor, but they have to take it to Texas on their own dime, and are missing jobs because both trucks are down. This just really sucks. I would hate to be a small business owner.

Thank God Chantz is on salary!

Another Quiz, blame Ann!

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

What I have been up to

I haven't been blogging as much. I have found a new hobby and I really like it. My daughter likes it, too.

When you think of pixel art, you probably think (A)What the heck is that? or (B) Eww, country stuff. Well, you are wrong, in this case. I am talking about dolls. I found a bunch of doll "bases", ie, naked, bald "dolls" that I downloaded. I gave them some hair and clothes and yay! I made a doll. Pixel art just refers to how it is done. It is not a simple process- it is very time consuming.

That is why I ask you, yeah right, am ordering you to not steal any of the dolls I post here, ok? Again, I decorated it, I did not make the doll itself! I am linking back to the site where I borrowed the base. Please, if you want one, go there and follow her rules. Thanks!

I made the background some time ago from a tutorial at PSP Users Group and was inspired by Amy Brown for her hair. This was a lot of fun and I will be posting more soon. This is actually the second doll I made. Expect my first doll soon!

New corpse!

:: never fall together/love you sweetly/oh well/humpty's hunger ::

Quiz!

Today

The weather is beautiful today. I went to town in a tee shirt and left bruce in his jammies. As I was driving down "main" (merrill ave), I noticed the sign at the bank, one of those that gives useful things like time and weather. It's a whopping 49 degrees out today.

Absolutely beautiful. Gotta love living in Montana!

None of this

none of this is mine
none of this is me
in a moment, in a flash
you will take it from me;
you will leave.
none of this is mine,
you have made that clear to me
and yet I am here,
living once again (as) a stranger
once again unwanted, a burden, a thing.
none of this is mine
do you even love me?

Dawn Dschaak
written by me on 1/21/06
Thanks Katy, for reminding me to be me.

Tagged

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1) Maid (hotels)
2) Waitress (too many to count)
3) Answered phones at an inbound call center
4) Patient Care Aide at the hospital

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1) Pirates of the Carribean
2) Star Wars Series
3) Princess Bride
4) matrix series

Four Places You've Lived
1) Upstate New York
2) Sidney & Glendive, Montana (current location)
3) Dickinson & Bismark, North Dakota
4) Laramie, Wyoming

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1) Stargate SG1
2) Gilmore Girls
3) CSI (Las Vegas, Baby!)
4) Smallville

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1) Fort Peck Lake, Fort Peck Montana
2) Upstate New York
3) Too big a loser to really go on vacation
4)

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
1) Ornamental Illness
2) My Gobhole
3) Fred's World (weekly)
4) I'd rather be a kitty
5) Sentenced to Write
6) Chapterhouse, etc....

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1) Seafood
2) Pizza
3) Chocolate
4) Ribeye

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1) In a home that I own
2) right here
3) right here
4) right here- maybe that's my problem.

Four (Albums) Authors You Can't Live Without
(Ok I'm cheating here.)
1) Terry Brooks
2) David and Leigh Eddings
3) Ann McCaffrey
4) Elizabeth Moon

Four Vehicles You've Owned
1) Chevy Cavalier (current)
2) Dodge Dakota (current)
3) Ford Ranger
4) Nissan Pickup (I didn't actually own this, my husband did)

People to tag: all of you who haven't done this one yet.

Updated: I forgot to put where I lived, oops. It's fixed now.

Grrrowl!

Ok, this just pissed me off. This genius read the forth book in a series, without ever having read the first three, and had the audacity to say that it was silly, simple and a disappointment. Well no shit, Sherlock! You cannot start at the end of a series and expect to know what is going on! I haven't read this book, but have read the first three; they are awesome, just like everything else she has ever written.

What a moron! Lord, just when I thought people couldn't get any dumber. At least now I know what book to get on interlibrary loan next week!

Oh and look, it was posted on my last birthday. Add insult to injury why don't you! (Yes, that was sarcasm, not narcissism.)

My irony

The other morning, flipping channels, I stopped at MTV and VH1- both were playing sappy music; the kind of music that I hate. The kind of music you expected VH1 to play back in the very early 90's- before it became "cool", I mean a clone of MTV. You know, that slow, whiney, male-singing disjointed crap that is so popular these days. I thought I would vomet. Once again I thought "how can this crap be so damn popular? I hated shit like this when I was a teenager; why the hell are they buying this crap? Damn bunch of pansies anyway..." All this passed through my mind in four flips, until I got to The View, which I never watch. And there she was, a little, blonde slice of heaven, singing an accoustic version of "Time After Time". Thank you Cindi Lauper, for brightening up my day. I don't know what kids are thinking these days, I swear.

*sigh*

I said I would

And now I am. Updating that is. I finally broke down, bundled up Bruce and took him and Tessa to the store to get baby Tylenol and baby Advil. I was hoping he could fall asleep so the kids could watch him. I didn't want to take him out in this weather. His fever didn't go down, I ran out of ibuprofen and decided to go. It was only 100.9 (armpit) but still I worry. That and he was screaming! This adorable boy who hardly cries was screeching and screaming and I rocked him and talked to him and he still continued. He calmed down in the truck and at the store. I think he liked being someplace different. Already I can see how rational he is and that he understands me. Austin would have kept screaming and kept screaming and on and on... Now he is feeling much better and I have laid him down to sleep.

The template is by Veronica and it features artwork by Jessica Galbreth. Many of Veronica's linkware templates feature artwork by others; this is why they are free. In agreement with the artists, she doesn't make money off their work. She even customized the title and the main menu buttons for me. She included a blank one and I make the titles for the rest. Her shareware templates are her own creations and are great, too. But I love this one. I think fairies are great. I love Amy Brown's work so much that my husband even knows who she is and can recognize her work (and call me up from a mall in Casper and tease me relentlessly about the store with all her figurines!) So head on over there for some nice graphics, if you are interested!

Speaking of Chantz, he is in a hotel in Texas tonight waiting for the tools to be built. This part is frustrating. These tools are in such high demand by the oil field that you may not get the tools being built for you to deliver! Some guy at some other rig with more clout can come and "steal" your tools. Then you have to wait longer. When this happens though, they try to get them done even faster. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about I will explain. He delivers tools for "directional" drilling. They look like long pipes, but there are motors in them and high tech electronic equipment and computers that monitor stuff. They are slightly angled at the bottom, hence "directional". Many wells can be drilled from just one hole. This saves time and money. These motors run for hours on end and eventually break down. These are called dirties. The "hotshot" driver picks them up and takes them to the place to be repaired. This could be in many places. His parents usually go to Texas and back, but this month has been very busy for them (drilling companies have a deadline to meet!) so he has gotten to go to Texas twice. Of course, once fixed, they then need to be delivered to the rigs- which are in the damnedest places sometimes. Just that alone can occupy Chantz for a whole day! He drives a F450 with a forty foot trailer. I have gone along and sometimes it is fun, others it is boring. No long trips; my doctor won't allow it. I haven't spoke to Chantz since this morning; I figure he needs his sleep. He had another driver, but sleeping in a truck is not the same as sleeping in a bed!

I am supposed to be doing the checkbook, but I left it upstairs and I am lazy. Tomorrow, taxes. At the accountant silly! No way am I doing it. It is worth the $80 to make sure it is done right! If Alice's accountant is more than H&R Block, I will do it through them online (with a real person). I live in a teeny town now with no H&R Block! I will bore you no longer.

Damn blogger! Made me say "NO!" and Bruce hollered! Go back to sleep, go back to sleep... please.

New Design

It is by Folkvangar.com.ar.

I will update more later. Baby is sick.

Chantz is home

and goddamn it he is snoring! Argh. And to top it off, cheapass's bed is way too small. He never said a queen was to expensive, he told me we didn't need one, our queen was too big, a full was just fine. I didn't argue much; he seemed set. But with me pregnant, and I am only going to get much, much bigger, and the fact that we are both bigger than we were 10 years ago, a full is no longer possible!

Yeah, cheapass tells me tonight when I am whining to get a job and get one, they're too expensive. What? It's at the most $100 more. Ooo, it'll take a whole extra 2 months to pay off. Big deal! I am calling Koch's tomorrow to see if they have an exchange or return policy. Plus we tend to roll to the middle. Our old crappy queen didn't even roll! I am never letting him pick out a bed again. He went with his mom to get Sherry a new bed and he decided we should get the same one. So I went and only tried out that one. I should know better by now. Don't let Chantz make decisions. Maybe we'll get lucky and they will have a queen in stock. But I will wait. This is something we have to live with for years.

**Update**

I finally went to bed at 3 something this morning. I just wasn't tired. I usually sleep near the wall and last night before I got up I was squished between Chantz and the wall. When I came back to bed he was in my spot, so I slept on the outside- and had plenty of room to sprawl out! He was just hogging me before! I really don't like to be snuggled, I am the snuggler and he was bugging me. So, he gets the wall, I get the outside, and the bed is just fine! I am glad that is settled.

I've been Tagged

by Susie. How evil of her. Here it is:

2x2 list:
2 names you go by: Dawn, mom
2 parts of your heritage: redneck and hick
2 things that scare you: rats and more rats
2 of your everyday essentials: water and chocolate
2 things you are wearing right now: purple and white polka dot socks and a nursing nightgown I stole from the hospital when Bruce was born. It is pink.
2 things you want in a relationship: my own way and attention
2 truths: life sucks, babies are cute
2 of your favorite hobbies: reading and digital art
2 things you want really badly: new curtains and some cool nicknacks (these adorable ethnic elephants form target)
2 places you want to go on vacation: florida and texas
2 things you want to do before you die: win the lottery and see austin succeed
2 ways that you are stereotypically a chick: dragonflies and lavender (the color)
2 things you are thinking about now: i need to go to bed and do I really have to do this?
2 stores you shop at: albertsons and kmart (small town, people)
2 weird habits: picking at my head (oh my god, I do this too Susie!) and popping my back
2 favorite items in the house: my new washer and dryer and the computer
2 stores I wish we had: target and hot topic
2 things that make me cry: rejection and thinking of my father
2 things I wish I could do different: nothing, I dont want to change the past
2 things I do very badly: clean the house and kiss 9it can get gross, sorry)
2 hidden talents: I had better not say
2 other email names: cloud_eyora and blewberry
2 difficult paths I took: challenging my childhood religion and rejecting it and becoming a real person
2 people to tag: Fred and FredCQ (and I suppose I will let you two change "chick" to guy, although leaving it would be interesting!)

Oh and guys, you have to add one of your own at the end. Sorry I forgot to add that.

Where the hell is everybody lately?

Many of my favorite bloggers are not blogging. As I am writing this Bruce has gotten himself covered in water, Austin is hyped up and Bruce is driving me nuts. Its 10:30 for christ's sake and I am going to shoot someone soon. Probably myself. Late Friday nights for the kids? Never ever again.

Anyway, now that Austin is upstairs and Bruce is in his crib, still loud but not all over me, I can get on with my point. No one seems to be blogging as much as they did in 05. Is everyone still recuperating from the holidays? Does everyone have a life but me? Maybe its because Chantz is away and I am so very bored without him. We play scrabble deluxe or the farming game or something at night and I miss it. Or he gets on the computer and I watch TV or read a book. But he is gone and the PC is all mine and I post everyday and I comment everyday. Maybe I just need help. He said he should be leaving tomorrow, and would be home Monday maybe. Dumbass Mike, his younger uncle and partner in crime (Everquest), told me he'd call back on Sunday. Sunday? WTF? Its a 36 hour drive. That doesn't count sleeping and stops. There is no way he could be home by Sunday. I just said goodby and hung up- Stargate Atlantis was on and I was trying to watch, so I didn't catch it right away. And when Chantz first left for Texas, Mike thought he would be back by Wednesday- not in TX by Wed, but home.

?

36 hour drive, stops and sleeping, dropping off the load, getting a new load, changing the oil (which they do every trip) and coming back- it would take at least a week- not 3 days! And I told him that. What a moron. And this guy is a nurse? Lets just hope he never reads this. I highly doubt he does anything on the computer that doesn't have to do with Everquest.

I am pissed at him because he is selfish. He plans on calling Chantz as soon as he comes home- to play EQ with him- nevermind he might be exhausted, nevermind he will have to deliver the shit he just brought back the next day- nevermind that after a week away from home he might want to spend time with his family!!!! Chantz doesn't like to hurt people's feelings or tell them no. He is a wussy when it comes to this. He doesn't want to be rude. Instead he will not answer the phone. And sometimes I think he plays just cuz he doesn't want to say no. I have even told Mike when I answered the phone that he can't play because we have plans, he tells me oh no I don't want to play I just need to ask him something, then the fudger gets him to play for an hour! Chantz says , oh he just needs me for a little while. Damn jerk. This guy has a family- 2 kids same age as mine and a wife- he isn't allowed, yes I said it, to play when she is awake (nurse, sleeps days sometimes). And he has the audacity to bully me just cuz my husband ain't @*#sy whipped? I am very tempted to call Misty and bitch to her about it. She can make his life hell. Therefore I can make his life hell. I am just not as mean in real life as I would like to be, so I won't. After the new baby is born, though, all bets are off! He has no respect for our family, I swear! (A younger uncle means he is a year younger than Chantz. Yup- the spoiled youngest son of C's grandfather.)

Chantz likes this game, he doesn't like it as much as Mike. He is getting better and will play games and stuff with me and the kids for a few days and then play with Mike for a few days, rather than all the time. It could be worse, I know. He could be running off to the bar every night. He's just not that kind of guy. He is also avoiding the kids- but this I understand. They get out of hand or are rude, pestering or out and out annoying. (Remember PDD NOS) He avoids them so as not to yell at them. They think I am the mean one and maybe I am. But I can only take so much bullying- then I lose it. I don't realize I am being bullied at first, and give in to get them off of me. Finally it gets to be too much. When I calm down I explain to them that they don't have to bully me- they can at least ask first! Instead they come in both barrels blazing and on the offensive. I explain it and it doesn't sink in. They keep doing the same wrong things over and over...

Thank god Austin goes back to public school on Monday. Those will be the most blessed two hours of my day.

I love my kids, I have just had a hard night, am pregnant, and have a damn panic disorder. And depression. Can't forget the depression. Wellbutrin does what it can, but it isn't a miracle pill. I still have a threshold. Bitching here just makes me feel better. Remember, too, that this is a personal diary and I like to write like when I had no readers. Comment by all means, I am just explaining that sometimes this is my outlet. My only outlet. And now I feel so much better.

Wow, did I get way off topic. Not the direction I intended on going, but that happens when I write. It's a good thing. In creative writing class we got a little booklet- it said that we have the right to write the worst crap we can- just so long as we write. I like that.

More quizzes

This doesn't surprise me one bit.

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

This one doesn't surprose me either; I've been dying my hair red for the last 8 months.

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

I wasn't expecting this one! Wow, I'm spicy. It must go with my red hair.

You Are Thai Food

Trendy yet complex. People seek you out - though they're not sure why.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Ok Ok enough already! I just can't stop. This is so me!

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Ok, you decide. Is this me?

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

I don't even have to ask. I know this is me. These tests are just too wierd (as in correct) and I think I may stop now. Maybe. ;D

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

G@#Damnit! One more. Last one I promise! For today anyway.

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

New corpse!

Come see it here. I made panel one, Silver Springs. I have had this song in my noggin for weeks now. I'm even going to put the cd back in my truck so I can listen to it on the way to yoga this morning. And that is working out very well. It is relaxing yet invigorating. I like it.

The new bed arrives tomorrow and I need to get the house ready. I am so excited!

Notice in the corpse how my panel leads into an ocean wave over the words "Don't say that she's pretty". Panel 3 takes these words and transforms itliterally with an ugly woman (the other woman) next to what looks like stationery. That stationery becomes a grid and a brick wall, hands up defensively. Isn't that what we do in relationships?

A little bad luck

Chantz is stuck in Texas until Saturday! And when I say stuck, I mean with his parents, in a hotel getting to go sightseeing and maybe even the beach! You see, the "newer" truck they just bought from Holas, aka Glendive Auto Sales, blew up. Imagine that. Hmmm, just like the last truck they bought from Holas. I am really not surprised about this; it was running poorly on our trip to Casper. Now I really wish we could have gone with him, but no, my doctor doesn't want me taking long trips. Alice got pulled over by the DOT and her log books weren't correct or something and they had to stay over for 10 hours- so Chantz caught up with them and about 100 miles out of Conroe, the truck's motor blew up. It won't be ready till Saturday and then he can come home. Darn this means I get our new bed all to myself this weekend.

I hope he gets a sunburn.

;D

Blog Explosion

...is addictive! Damn you Fred CQ! It's your fault, you introduced me to it. I blame you.

So there.

;D

Photos- click on them to see larger versions ;D

Here he is Christmas morning, almost 12 months old, wearing his suit. See that red hair on top of blond? Well it is all gone. I took the clippers to it! Not only is it short, but I cut off all his curls and all the red. Now he is just blond. He looks very different. Still adorable though!



This is his usual comfort position. Hand at ear, thumb in mouth.



This is Bruce in June, wrapped up in Tessa's birthday wrapping paper. Isn't he cute?



Here Tessa is giving Bruce a ride around the kitchen in my brownie pan.



Tessa on Christmas showing off her new vest.



This is my girl, the drama qween. Isn't her hair adorable here? I have got to take this and similar photos in to the hairdresser next time we get her hair done. If it gets too long, it gets snarly. Doesn't she look like a little model? This was taken at our old apartment in Laramie WY.



Awww, Santa brought them fluffy pillows!



Look at that goofy face. Thank god he doesn't do that anymore. It lasted jsut a short while. Austin started it first and man did we want to get him for it, too! It is aweful. That is Chantz's arm holding Bruce. This was taken at Elitch Gardens Six Flags in Denver. That was fun! It is a water park, and not just the water part either! Almost all of the rides soaked us from head to foot. Chantz's friend Allen cut school that day to come along with us. It was very last minute. We like to be impulsive. Oh, and never listen to your husband when he tells everyone to wear sneakers (tennis shoes as he calls them) at a WATER PARK!



Wow, doesn't he look very serious here? This was also taken at the
apartment in Laramie, WY.



I saw this sweater at K-mart and had to get it! Bruce has the same exact sweater! I got them booth at Big K. See, doesn't he look happy? That is the first time he has ever been excited over clothing! He really wanted to match with Bruce!

A little of everything

Wow, I have realized there's much to blog about that I have forgotten to mention! So now I will fill you all in. Bruce is walking. In December he started baby steps, 3 steps, fall down. Then it was 5. Then just after Christmas it was 7. Now he can go clear across a room and change directions. I think he prefers walking to crawling. You should see him try to carry stuff while he walks! It is so funny! He has three teeth on top and two on bottom. The last front top tooth is almost in but not quite. Bruce is very active and gets bumps and scrapes. He is very daring and helpful. He likes to play "crawl somewhere naughty so mommy will chase me." He giggles when I gets I way and I capture him. He says thank you when we give him something and when he gives things to other people or even Rocksy. Cracker was his first word, after mommommom an dadada. Uh-oh, all gone/ all done, too. He has understood these two phrases for a while, because when his food is gone I show him it is gone and say "all gone". And he quits fussing because it is all gone. If I think he is done but its not gone, I say all done, and he accepts that too. Sometimes we fib when we are eating and he wants our food. Then I go and get him his own. He loves big people food and baby food. He knows table is for food, and if Tessa is doing homework or if we are playing a game, we have to show him that we are not eating. Cooking is a problem, too, because he knows food comes from the stove but doesn't understand he has to wait, that it takes a while, so he gets whiny and in the way because he wants something to eat. I try to get the kids to play with him and shut the gate, but the kids let him come back to the gate and shakes it (he gets mad when he is locked out of an area that other people are in)- I hate this. So I may grab a jar of baby food and have Chantz feed him, or Tessa. Feeding Bruce grosses Austin out because it pops back out!

We won the lottery on Christmas Eve. What? And your still blogging? Yes, it was only a $100, silly! But ain't that cool? We didn't even check it right away. Oh! I have another one in my wallet I bought on Wednesday. I should get it. Wouldn't it suck to be the big powerball winner and just sit on it? We used it to put a down payment on our new bed we ordered from Koch's (pillowtop, no flipping... absolutely wonderful and will arrive on the 13th).

Damn I have 10 minutes left and I have to get Tessa up. Better hurry. Today is Bruce's first birthday and we are going to have cupcakes! Ma never called me back to tell me if she could come and I forgot to call her. She doesn't get off work till four, so I may have to call Bill and see if she decided yesterday. I told him it wasn't a big deal and understood id they couldn't make it; they live an hour away. (Which by Montana standards isn't very far-50mi, but it is still a pain to travel, you know?) Tonight Stargate SG1 and Atlantis come back on as well as the new Battlestar Gallatica. On SCI FI. I like these shows. I watch these three on Fridays and Gilmore Girls on Tuesdays. Otherwise its usually just HGTV, lol! Maybe Alias reruns if I am home at 2pm and remember.

Austin starts public school after the 16th, which is end of second semester. He will go from 9:30 to 1:30 to start, with science and English in the classroom and math and reading in the resource room, for now. Our goal is all day by the end of the year. Next year fifth grade is in the middle school so I want him to be prepared. Damn, 3 minutes. I have to go now. See ya later!

Bad day

I was pretty tired and out of it today and didn't feel so well. I didn't want to go anywhere, but Alice needed my truck so I ran some errands on the way to her house. Or that's what was supposed to happen. As I was leaving I noticed that Rocksy hadn't eaten anything since yesterday I was worried. Turns out she was just being finicky, but I didn't know that yet. I passed the courthouse where I was to pick up my license plates; my sticker is expired. So I went on to Alice's figuring we could get them when she took me home. Except that I forgot my checkbook, the check I wanted to cash and to pay my bill at Koch's (for the new bed we ordered!! It's a pillowtop and will be here on the 13th...) and get insurance for the pickup I was driving at State Farm. So we went to my house and picked up the checkbook, found out Rocksy finally ate and we went on our merry way. So on the to the courthouse to get new plates, guess who got pulled over by the Sheriff? (Deputy or whatever, it wasn't the city police!) Me! He called the treasurers office and found out that, yes, my plates are there (my title was mailed on the 15th, it finally arrived!) and so I only get a warning. But I was driving without any insurance. So I had to leave Alice and Bruce in my pickup, hitch a ride with the officer to state farm and get me some insurance. Which I did. Got a ride back and proceeded on our merry way again, getting everything done this time, including getting my plates! If only I had my checks with me. I'd had the cash and check card, but they charge extra for using it. Then I found out from Chantz that I am probably getting a $250 fine for my citation of driving w/o insurance to buy insurance. I should have taken the damn fee.

6:30 and I get a call from State Farm, which closed at 5. Turns out they can't cover me until the 16th, when their new rules come into effect. My insurance is void, please bring back your temporary card and get your check back.

I am having a bad day.

My baby

is humming and it is adorable. He hums himself to sleep! And sucks his thumb while holding his right ear. He used to snuggle a blanket, but now he rubs his ear. Awww... he's sleeping now.

Dream- I'll take your man

First this gay couple wakes in bed and talk for a while. I don't remember much but it seems important. I am with Chantz and this older woman who isn't very good looking. Austin and Tessa aren't in this dream but Bruce is. This lady doesn't realize I am married to Chantz or that I am Bruce's mother. She thinks I am a housekeeper, although he points out I don't do a very good job (really, I don't). Chantz doesn't feel so well and has to go out of town, but this lady wants him to leave early with her and to take Bruce with. I ask if he thinks that is such a good idea. By asking in that manner I don't make it clear I am the mom. Bruce is laying on the floor by the lady. I don't want to protest too much so I can get out of there. I pick up the baby and go upstairs, to the main floor from the basement. I start packing Bruce's diaper bag, planning to get the hell out of there with the baby before they can take them. I don't think Chantz has cheated, but this lady creeps me out and Chantz is sick. I end up going somewhere with Chantz and the baby, it is winter time and I go out and there is a man I need to help into this car...

(see Dream- second coming)

Dream- Second Coming

I came out of a building in the winter time and had to help this man drive home. I get to the car and he jumps in the driver's seat and takes off, driving crazy. I run after him yelling until he stops and I get in. He says I was too slow and wouldn't make up my mind. He somehow falls out and Shannon Doherty (I hate her) gets out of her SUV to see if this jackass, whom she knows, is ok. She offers him a ride and since i am his caregiver i go along to. I pull myself up into this very high seat and slide the bench behind me back. We go to her camper thing. It is huge, but not to fancy. No one else notices the sludge on the ceiling coming from the kitchen. I realize it isn't grease, but dirty snow/ice that came in the vent as they were driving. It is thick and all over the place. Like a snow cone gone bad. Then we are all girls and part of this important group. I am this small young girl. My friend tries to prove that I am in fact a member. She tells them I can sense this stuff under the water and throws something in. I dive in for this orb, which comes up so translucent it almost seams invisible, but for the iridescent sheen. I float in the air holding the globe and realize I am God. I am the second coming although I am actually the first. By merely thinking it, I created the universe in the few moments I sat in the air holding the globe. I did everything God was known for. So Jesus came first...

How cool is that?

Which Endless are you?

Dream, the third of The Endless, you are in charge
of the Dreaming, all imagination and
creativity, everyone knows your beautiful
realm, but none truly understand it. You are
dark and brooding, creative, and spend a lot of
time by yourself, just thinking. You are almost
as serious as Destiny, but not quite. Everyone
is enchanted by you, but you keep them all at a
distance, even when you shouldn't.


Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Kidz bop

I am not a religious person. I feel that some people take their beliefs too seriously. So it is not for love of Christ or biblical morality that I say "Kidz Bop? What are you people thinking? Are you retarded?"

Kidz Bop is a music CD you can buy off TV. The commercials are on all the time. It is "songs for kids sung by kids." Sounds great doesn't it? But before you go and buy these atrocities for your children, let me ask a few questions.

Do you allow your children to listen to all songs on the top 40? Have you listened to the top 40 lately or in the last few years? Because that is what is on these CDs; kids singing adult themed songs by artists such as Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Weezer, Black Eyed Peas, Gorillaz, Green Day, Avril Lavigne and many more. Here are some lyric samples:

"The feeling that I’m feeling
Now that I don’t hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don’t have a choice
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To have you lying by my side
Right here cause baby..." We Belong Together, Mariah Carey

"Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.
Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything
You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me" Karma, Alicia Keys

"Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me...
I'm just a no-class beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play
Beverly Hills
That's where I want to be
Livin' in Beverly Hills..." Beverly Hills, Weezer

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
Hey, baby my nose is getting big
I noticed it be growing when I been telling them fibs
Now you say your trust's getting weaker
Probably coz my lies just started getting deeper
And the reason for my confession is that I learn my lesson
And I really think you ought to know the truth
Because I lied and I cheated and I lied a little more
But after I did it I don't know what I did it for
I admit that I have been a little immature
Fucking with your heart like I was the predator...
No,no, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie..." Don't Lie, Black Eyed Peas

Don't get me wrong, I love these songs. I think they are great! But I am 30 years old, not twelve or younger, the target ages for Kidz Bop. As a parent I let my children listen to many of these songs, but I am not so ignorant to think that just because they are sung by kids that they are for kids. These songs are monitored by me first. And this is how this product is marketed. I would rather kids hear these lyrics by adults, because then they know these are adult issues. Children singing this kind of material just validates the idea that these are morally good for children.

I am no Tipper Gore. I abhor sensorship. I am not talking about restricting these songs in any way. But I believe it's wrong to try to pass these off as songs for children! And with the newest release, Kidz Bop 9, this damn thing must be popular. Are people really this stupid and ignorant to fall for this? Really, I wanna know. Or does every parent who buys this for their kids think its ok for kids to listen to other kids singing these types of songs?

My husband agrees with me on this, and we shake our heads everytime a new Cd comes out, beginning with Kidz Bop ("30 newly-recorded, kid-friendly versions of today's biggest songs!") Yeah, this one has the song Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls (which I personally love) that is about an unwed, unplanned pregnancy:

"Could you whisper in my ear
The things you want to feel
I’ll give you anything
To feel it comin’
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults

Chorus:
I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah we’re gonna let it slide

Don’t you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you

Don’t suppose I’ll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can’t change
I’ll live around it

I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah we’re gonna let it slide

And I’ll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh,may put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May do you wanna get married
Or run away...."

Narnia and annoying children

I took the kids to see Chronicles of Narnia last night. Ok, so I wanted to go to. Chantz didn't want to go, so he stayed home with Bruce. It was great. I was surprised how close to the book it was and how it didn't leave too much out. I have the set in storage and picked them up today. At less than 200 pages, I am not surprised now that the movie came out so well.

But...

At the theatre there were about 15 or so "eleventeen" year olds sitting in the front. These kids weren't whispering, they were yelling! Chatting! Disrupting the movie! So I, pissed, went down and asked them, sorry, told them to SHUT UP! They just looked at me and kept it up. 5 minutes later this teenager in charge actually told me that I was too loud and that I needed to keep it down! WTF? So I said fine, next time I'll come get you. He says ok. I say, well they are still doing it! He walked off and did nothing. I fumed. It got worse. They flitted from one aisle to another, hopped over rows and yelled and laughed and ran around! I tried to ignore it and watch the show. I waited for someone else to complain. Someone else had to!

Nothing.

Finally toward the end of the movie I got up, went to the back and told the only working employee and his friend who was hanging around, that they were loud, had been loud the whole time! I did this after he got off the phone, btw. I went back down and waited for him to come dispense some justice. I watched the movie, tried to ignore them though they got louder and louder, deciding that I was never coming back to the Rose Theater again, ever. So its the only one in a 50 mile radius! I'll go to Sidney (50 mi), or Miles City (75 mi) or Dickinson (90 mi) before I ever go back to that sh#@hole! Finally, 15 minutes later, when he was done talking I am sure, he finally came down and broke it up.

I worked at the Centre Theatre in Sidney back in highschool. I know the drill. I also know that you keep the fudging doors shut so that light doesn't come in and to keep the noise out. The Rose always keeps one set of doors open! That's how the employee can listen, supposedly. Then how could he not have heard all that shit down there, yet heard me tell them to shut up? I wasn't even very loud! I think someone else turned me in. I am never going back. I may, however, call the owners and complain. (This is a one screen show hall that has been there forever- we live in the middle of nowhere, remember!)


Merry Christmas and go see the show, it was good. I may just wait for the movie to come out on video next time.

Ma and Bill came and dropped off the presents and went back to Sidney. Alice (MIL) and Larry (FIL) can't make it either; they are working in Texas. No other hotshots down there will run till after New Years! The oil field doesn't stop for holidays.So A and L couldn't turn the opportunity down and picked up some jobs. Not just for the money, but it says something about them and their company; gives them an even better rep than they had. Dschaak's RoadRunner Service is reliable. My man doesn't work though! I hope... Cousin Sherry is staying with us for Christmas; her sister bailed on her at Thanksgiving and no one knew. Alice and I aren't letting that happen for this holiday.

Enough. Must make cookies now. Later, Dawn

Evil! Sinister!

I am so bored and can't get back to sleep, Bruce is teething and woke me up. Now he's konked out peacefully in my spot on the bed. But that's not what is evil. I went to all my favorite blogs. I read and commented, and even read other people's comments, which are sometimes tedious and sometimes hilarious. Then I thought I would browse for other blogs, but didn't find any links I found interesting. And it was taking too much thought. But that's still not what's evil. So I decided to surf- I clicked on "next blog" on the blogger bar.

Not interesting... stupid... not in English... wtf? Is that stream of conscious? No, no its not and its not rambling either. It almost looks like a bunch of key words about roulette games and other stuff just thrown in.

NEXT

WTF? I am rerouted to some stupid roulette site and cannot go back or forward! I am stuck at some game site! How sinister! How evil! How dare they! It's abuse I tell you!

So I click on the back arrow and choose from the drop down menu the site before Roulette Games and get the hell outta there. Then I realize I have just found something to do, something to blog about. I do it again, and this time it actually takes me to the next blog! Have I defeated it? Have I won? Lets check it out. I'm gonna do it again. BRB.

YES! It has been defeated! For the time being, anyway. I gotta go now, this next blog I found may be interesting. There was Japanese Anime and who can resist that at 5 o'clock in the morning? Who can resist typing out "o'clock" at 5 o'clock in the morning?

Hmmm? Who?

My Insanity, My Hell

I am not making this up**. I am not exaggerating or fishing for sympathy to cover for my "insanity" or to excuse my spazzing. My children do not act in this way because I am a bad mother. They don't "learn" these things from me. My son is diagnosed with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder. My daughter is in no way ordinary, either. And she does not act in this way because she copies her brother (which is why she has been denied evaluations; I consistently get brushed off.) I am an adult and don't have to explain myself, I know this. What I do need to do though is vent.

My kids will consistently and repeatedly do the following:

1. Choose the hardest way to do EVERYTHING
2. Pick the most cluttered or dirtiest place at the table to sit
3. Do the same wrong thing over and over again, and not learn from their mistakes
4. Argue or contradict everything Chantz and I say or tell them to do
5. When asked not to do something, do it even more and even worse than before
6. And many other things I cannot think of at the moment
   

If you had to live with this day in and day out, you'd be crazy, too. You would loose it and spaz as I have. You would also need to take medication. You would not need people to ridicule you or make jokes, like "Did your mom take her pills today?" You would not need this because it is rude and undermines your authority over your children, because they are not "magic" pills that stop working if you miss one, they don't start working the first day you take them. These little wonders actually take up to two weeks to work and have side effects during that period that actually make you worse. Mocking is definitely not needed.

I swear to god, if you dealt with what I deal with everyday, you would need some kind of therapy. Because I highly doubt you could handle it either, unless you're a Saint of some holy sort.

They are not bad kids. They do not do this on purpose and they do do these things as often as I say they do them!

**This post is in no way directed at "you" my readers, but the people in my life I deal with daily.

New corpse

"I kiss the crumpled violet and not coffee."

Mine is the last panel. I like this one; it turned out pretty nicely. This is the first last panel I have gotten to do. All the other ones were panel 3! And just last night I uploaded my first ever panel 1! I can't wait for it to be finished.

Dream- running naked and stuff

I am at this place- open and very white. A bunch of people are there; we all write and draw. My guy friend doesn't know I blog; he had one and I wonder if he's updated it in a while. He is writing and drawing in this group in real life.

Then I am another girl (I think) and I had an episode where I had run in the middle of the night naked. We are in a house now, but still with the same type of people. People like to say things like, you're one to talk, you were out naked!

So I am trying to discover what happened because I can't remember. Finally this mother figure tells me it is _____. _____?
"Didn't you figure it out when he couldn't keep his stories straight?" she asks me. Then she tells me he drugged my water. I had thought it was breakfast time and drank this water. She says she kept smelling roses. She found the room filled with these clear glasses of rose scented water and she was trying to get rid of them. Apparently, the naked thing wasn't supposed to happen. Whatever he tried to do backfired.

"Why didn't he just tell me he liked me?" I ask her.

She says because he didn't think we were compatible. WTF? We have so much in common, we both love to write and draw (we're at this thing, remember?). This guy is kind of bookish/sciency and shy. I don't get it. I am intrigued by this. What he did isn't even important to me. I just realized a guy I have a crush on likes me!

He had given me a folder with all these notes and pictures to explain what happened to me and it was laying in a corner on the floor. So I go over to pick it up and throw it away. This gets his attention. He comes over to me and starts talking about some of the stuff in it. As he is reading to me, I slowly step into the crook of his arm, so it is now around me. This is done very subtly. He doesn't seem to notice. He is very intent on reading. I am very intent on capturing him. As he nears the end of the page I wait and wait. As he finishes reading I turn to him and plant a kiss on his mouth. It is a perfect kiss- our lips are perfect and our tongues are perfect, it is slow and nice and wonderful. Very dramatic and passionate.

Then I am myself; I am sitting with the girl I just was and he is leaving the room, very nervously! We think it is funny.

And now I am sitting watching TV in a different room and Austin is on the computer, but he is a teenager. Instead of using the headset while on the phone like daddy, he is using one tiny earphone. This messes with me because I can't see it and he doesn't answer when I talk to him, yell at him, or anything. I believe he is just very focused. He switches between the phone and music- the music I was listening to until he put the other earphone in, shutting off the sound (Rumours by Fleetwood Mac- which I have been listening to lately.) I get his attention and someone suggests that I take the phone away so I do.

Then the alarm clock goes off and I get Chantz to get up with Tessa and he makes sausage links. Yummy. There are two links left and I am going to go eat them now. With syrup.

Dreams

I am in a school. It is a warm building with tall ceilings and dark wood, very old and very unschoolish. I am in line for class and there is a girl in front of me holding a set of pipes and she is trying to play them. But this is math class. They gave me two books; algebra and trig. Trig is next. I ask why she isn't in music class. The teacher tells me that she was late and can't open the door. She needs to knock on the wooden part to get in. I ask why she doesn't. With an evil smug look, she tells me that the girl is too short to reach. There is a boy there (young man), one of those charming trouble makers that always get out of trouble. He is goofing off with me, but I don't recall what we do. I know he is in trig with me next. (aside: IRL I used to love trig in hs!)

Lots of adventures with my kids I can't recall. I go to the bathroom. I think it is in the school. This part is funny. I pee- and I really gotta go! I am afraid to let go and relax, but finally do- and it is great! It just rushes out! I had this pee thing happen in a different dream not too long ago. I used to get "pee dreams" as a kid, but in those when I let go I peed IRL! This didn't happen! How weird!

I got up this morning and couldn't remember my dreams- until I went pee and it all came flooding back to me...

Comfort?

I found a new blog today... actually someone else I visit links to her. When I am bored or need a distraction, I like to visit new blogs. I usually decide within the first few minutes whether or not I am going to bookmark it. She wrote about a dream she had about her dad and I read it twice. It made me remember how comforted he makes me feel, even though he is gone. I wrote how he comforts me when I am sad and I realized that right now I am sad. Just thinking of him felt nice. After Grandma Laura died, and Uncle Hal was in prison, Aunt Nancy and Willy had it pretty hard. She woke in the night and smelt cigarette smoke. There in the kitchen was Grandma, smoking a cigarette. She told Nancy that everything would be alright. When Nancy woke she realized it was a dream. What she didn't know was that my mother had just sent her a check to help out. But grandma knew.

My dad is gone and he brings peace, my Grandma is gone and she brings comfort. Nancy is a loving woman and will smile down on all of us when she is gone. My dad will be there to watch out for her and so will my grandma. I've thought about naming the baby Laura or Betty (another grandmother who recently died), but now she may be Nancy. Hmmm... I keep thinking she's a girl but I won't know until the 20th.

My uncle is 9 years older than me. He started dating Nancy when he was fourteen. She is a couple of years older than him. I am 29 and 11 months. I have known her since I was 5. I have called her Aunt Nancy since I was 5. She is so damn young and this is so damn cruel.

So this is how it is?

When you have no money and you get sick they just let you die. They let the cancer spread out all over your body before they give you chemo and they let you suffer and waste away cuz now its too late and nobody cares nobody gives a fuck if you don't have money they don't care if you're someones aunt they don't care if you're someones wife or mother or a very good person who never partied or smoked and put up with a husband with problems and stuck by him and his addictions and his prison time and loved hom no matter what they don't care cuz your poor and white and nobody gives a fuck if you don't have money if you can't pay you don't get treatment they just let you die that's what it is if you don't treat a breast cancer patient right away and you let that lump get really big you are signing a death warrent you should rot in the deepest pits of hell saved for the worst kinds of people like murderers and child molesters and those that let innocent women suffer and let that crap spread to the liver and everywhere else oh what a Christmas Nancy are you waiting till Christmas? I love you

I'll be gone

...for a few days. I am going to Gillette with Chantz. I think I said Cheyenne before, but that is near Laramie! We are just going to Gillette, about 4 or 5 hours depending on the weather. (Cheyenne is more like 8 to 10 hours away!) I don't know what I was thinking! Sherry is going to babysit the kids and Rocksy while we are gone.

We're going shopping!! Yay! And we are staying in a hotel. I love hotels. I don't know why, I just do. Something about staying somewhere different, I guess. Gotta go now, I have lots to do to get ready.

Later,

Dawn

Yes!

I can take yoga! Dr. Swarny said it was ok and I have a note. I also got all of our medications today, even the one they said they couldn't fill, so ha! I am 17 weeks and the baby's heartbeat was loud and strong. I get an ultrasound next week! If this printer ever gets installed, I will upload the scan! I got a check from the insurance company on Saturday and we have a new bank account. The dog is still iffy, but what can I do? Bruce got a new tooth (front top right) and was up ALL night Sunday night. Screaming. Poor baby.

Chantz has to go to Cheyenne WY about an accident he got into a while ago; it wasn't his fault but he still needs to go sort it out. He plead not guilty to a driving to fast for conditions ticket (how can 15 be too fast?) and now has to go back. His folks will meet him there- they are coming straight from Texas. I hope they get to come home afterwards. They've been gone a while this time! (Chantz works for them, for those of you who don't know. They drive pickups with 40 foot flat beds hauling motors and tools for the oil field.)

Ma's not coming for Xmas or going anywhere and that's ok. She has it rough and could use some quiet at home time. I found lots of sites that make pixel dolls that are awesome. I found a pregnant base! I have been wondering how to make my sassy girl (the pic that shows up when I comment) knocked up, but it was too hard. So I may make a different one using an actual base this time. I'll even give her red hair!

Perfect Smooth Gold Text

In Paint Shop Pro 7 or 9
Rating: Easy

This may not be the tutorial I promised, but it is a good one to have if you use PSP.

-open an image: 200 px by 200 px.
-foreground color: set to transparent
-background color: set to #a57b73
-text tool: antialiased checked, floating checked, size 72, font of your choice
-promote selection to layer
-deselect (psp 9)
-drop shadow:

• vertical-2
• horizontal-2
• opacity-89
• blur-4
• color-black

-chrome:

• flaws-1
• brightness-27
• color-white
• fill- unchecked

-inner bevel:

• width-9
• ambience-58
• color-white
• bevel-round
• smoothness-25
• shininess-50
• intensity-50
• depth-10
• angle-315
• elevation-36

-colorize:

• hue-28
• saturation-126

Check out the finished product: I have a picture tube for you! It is an entire alphabet done in my Perfect Smooth Gold Text. Please don't misuse it!

What the Hell?

Just when I think I've got that bleeping dog trained....

It's 2 o'clock in the morning ok? I am waiting for Chantz to come home from work and decided to got to bed. Rocksy was sleeping on the floor in front of the couch and Bruce was next to her. I picked him up and came downstairs and then started to move Austin who fell asleep in my room. Next thing I know Tessa is downstairs because that stupid dog got up and peed in her room. On the carpet!!!!!!! She gave no indication she had to go, didn't follow me downstairs (the basement has outside access and that is where her chain is!) or anything! I was going to put her in the crate when I got back upstairs. I don't let her out at 2 in the morning ever! She holds it till morning every night! Dogs won't pee where they sleep. Two days ago she came in the house, after spending an hour outside, and pissed on my family room carpet! WTF? Day before that, she peed all over my kitchen floor- not too big a deal, it is tile. She hasn't peed on carpet or around the upstairs of my house ever! I don't count the submissive peeing, C does but he can f off; I'm tired right now. That is different.

Anyway? WTF? She is also been naughtier than usual, too! She will jump her big ass (this is a 7 month German Shepard) onto the top of my dining table! I gate the kitchen to keep her out because she bugs me when I cook or scavenges for people food, which makes her sick, and she will do this with a full bowl of dog food! Now, if I leave it open even for a minute, that B**** will steal the butter (real, not margarine) off my counter!! She was so bad about a month and a half ago that we were going to get rid of her! I didn't want to so I bought the crate and started teaching her. It worked great at first, then bam! I am very busy and couldn't move on with her training, but kept up what I started. It was super cold out last week and she wasn't getting much exercise, but it is nice again and I played retrieve with her and even got her to lay down for a treat. At first I thought it was the weather, but now I don't think so. I think there is something wrong with this dog! This house is a rental. She needs to learn or we get f'd up the a! Oh and this morning her chain was froze to the ground where the snow melted yesterday. It can be reached from inside the house so I don't have to go outside and I told Rocksy to stay while I pried it up (It was about 20F this morning). Do you know what she did? Just mosied her ass out the door and took off around the corner. We live on a busy street and we never just let her go. I called to her in my stern voice and she wouldn't come back. I used my sweet voice and she pounced away like it was a game. I got my boots on, went out in my nightgown and sweats and offered her a treat with my sweet come 'ere voice and she bounded into my open arms. I then took her to the yard by her collar, careful not to let her pull me on the ice and chained her up. She got a treat because it is "positive reinforcement" and is supposed to let her know what I want her to do.

The idea of potty training her again tires me out! She is a "willful" dog and will need to be trained aggressively. I read this in a book. I thought it could be avoided when she turned herself around, but no, just like my kids, she saw me relax and got all disobedient again. Damn. I am just so busy with the kids and the house and errands (not that I can go anywhere, the pick up is broke, too) that I don't have time to read and study how to train her and follow it through constantly. I just can't. That is why Chantz was going to sell her before. I said, no I can do it and it worked and then poof! She got stupid again.

I am just frustrated and am ranting and I do like my puppy, she is just a pain in the ass. I already live with 3 other pain in the asses. Bruce isn't yet, and the only way to avoid it is to "aggressively" train him. And the new baby. I just can't do it all at once.

Tessa's homework and Austin's homeschooling and my free time and cooking and worrying over the bills and making costly errors in the checkbook and having panic attacks and headaches and backaches and forgetting to make doctor appointments and forgetting to get prescriptions for my depression and panic attacks and being snippy and losing my temper and making other appointments I won't get to keep because I have no transportation....

I think Ma's luck finally kicked in. You see it didn't take slowly from me, bit by bit every day. No, it came in like a hail storm or a hurricane and destroyed everything all at once. I just hope she got to use it all month, and not wait for it to decide to transfer to her, unless of course that is how it could have been most beneficial. What I mean to say is that it better have worked, g.d. it!

It is now 2:36 am. I am going to bed.

Pet Peeve

I have a pet peeve I have been meaning to write about but haven't gotten around to yet. Thanks to Fred, who updated his site yesterday with a new, non blogger issue look, I'm getting around to it. I don't want to offend anybody, but I am putting it out on the table. It really bothers me that so many blogs look alike because they use the same ol' tired blogger templates. It really isn't that hard to customize them at all. Fred got a company to do it for him, but it isn't too difficult to do on one's own. My problem with this repetition is that it doesn't show much of the author's personality. I am a visual person and tend to recall blogs by what they look like. If they all look the same or very similar, it doesn't help me categorize them in my head!

If you can add a link to your blog, you can change the background color or the font and link colors. You can add an image. These are simple to do and I would like to put up a tutorial on how to do this, when I get time. There are many sites that offer free templates, some image free. Why don't people use these? I just find generic ones boring. I used to make lots and lots of linkware sets until I got bored with it. Granted, images will have to be hosted elsewhere and linked to, but that isn't a problem either; many free hosts can be found.

Again, I offer my services or advise to any who ask. I may not be the best designer, nor a graphic genius like some, but I'm not bad. That and I am free. Can't really beat that can you?

Fate?

I stumbled upon something today- not life changing or altering or anything, just something I find interesting. As I was reading one of my daily blogs, I noticed its author was a Cancer. Cool, my husband is a Cancer! Isn't that weird?

Not really. But I decide to go and see what the signs are for my other favorite bloggers. And of the 7 blogs I frequent, four are Cancers. One is unknown, one is a Leo and one an Aquarius.

But four are Cancers. Isn't that weird?

In case you are wondering, I'm a Capricorn. So come on Fred- what's your sign?

Yoga? Check?

I called Body and Soul fitness and spoke with a nice lady who gave me two options to present to my doctor. She said I can see about joining prenatal yoga classes with another instructor in town, or I can get a gentle fitness yoga plan through B and S. It is up to my Dr to decide what is best and I will need a note and description of what he thinks I can do. She is also a PA at the hospital and encouraged me to tell Dr S about the way I was treated in physical therapy- or lack of treatment! So I am in a good mood about that.

The estimate on the car is over $1500. We should be receiving a check soon! Another reason to celebrate? Not that I can drive it anyway, I need new insurance since this is a different state. It is parked in back by the garage that we do not use- our landlords bought this home for the garage itself! Oddly, we don't have a problem with people parking in front of our house anymore. Not a prime spot now is it? Don't want to take my parking space since my car got trashed do you? We don't even park the pickup there any more; it goes in the driveway. Which is a pain because we live on a corner and the street our driveway is on is a one way street, and of course it spills out onto the street we face. Oh well. Going around the block may be inconvenient, but getting crashed into is more so.

I must leave now; Austin needs homeschooling.

Ugh!

I am actually starting to feel pregnant. My boobs are so sore! My back has been killing me every morning when I wake. Upper, lower, middle and hips... I feel as though I am falling apart. I did move to the couch this morning and I don't hurt so damn bad, not at all. But I don't wanna sleep on the couch this whole pregnancy! What we really need is a new bed. We just can't afford one right now.

I went to the local hospital's physical therapists, but they sent me home with a sheet of exercises that weren't working before I went and are not working now. I was in therapy in Laramie, at the bone and joint clinic not the hospital. They were so nice. I won't go back to GMC- they wouldn't treat me properly because my insurance was pending. Goddamn it, my doctor sent me to them for help and they wouldn't even touch me without insurance, so fuck them. I won't go back. I am going to tell Dr S, though. I didn't even get an eval! The other place was so thorough, too. One of the few good things about that terrible town. Ok so it wasn't so bad, but we weren't happy there and they were prejudiced towards Wyotech students and grads, like Chantz.

So for my back issues, I am going to call the yoga center and see if there is anything they can do. I will even get a doctors note if I have to! This is so ridiculous. Oh, and my insurance? Yeah, I have it now. And those prissy fucks can stuff it. My doctor is pretty important at that hospital. I hope he chews some ass!

The Commonly Confused Words Test

Advanced You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 80% Advanced, and 66% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score. Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 23% on Beginner You scored higher than 37% on Intermediate You scored higher than 6% on Advanced You scored higher than 20% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Dream

This is sexy- I am in a room with Spike (from Buffy, duh) and some girls. Spike is making out with this chick; me and this other gal are like, vampires are so HOT! Only it is James Marsters as Spike- so he is pretending to be a vamp. The gal I am talking to got it on with him last night. I am impressed. She leans in to kiss me, but I notice this scarf on the wall and am really into it when Chantz comes in and says it is time to go. Damn! I wanted to get it on with Spike! But suddenly I am wearing only the scarf (large square) and a towel. I can't find the clothes I had on so I grab a skirt and top that do belong to me and put them on. I leave with C. He needs to take the work truck to get fixed; I need to follow in the car but would I take these people home first? As I make room in the car, it keeps expanding until it is the size of a 4 row van with a roomy trunk and rear space. There are blankets and stuff I need to move around that Ma left in the vehicle. Some stuff belongs to Alice (MIL). So these kids and 2 moms hop in. But I don't take them home, they want to sell candy to people. I take them to Ma's work, and she is actually there. I tell these people there is no soliciting here and to make it quick. So they give a religious tract with a bag of candy on it to Ma and we leave. I am mad. We wander around outside for a bit. There is this guy with us who was never in the van and he is leading us around. I don't really like him. He is big and imposing and strutful. The kind of guy that I like to piss off and stand up to; maybe he is a Scorpio. I don't like Scorpios and St. John is a Scorpio and a religious nut! We wander around outside for a while and then my alarm goes off. It was pretty cool while Spike was in it!

I had an even better dream earlier that I will post later. I have stuff to do now!