Whole30 Day 9 part 1

Blogging is helping me stay on track and keeps me accountable! I am having gassy stomach but I think that has to do with constipation. Need moar fiber!
Made breakfast. Threw leftover grilled yellow squash in a pan with last night's supper, a tiny bit of steak and salad and added spinach.  Put two fried eggs on top. And it was yuck. The spinach was slimy and I didn't finish my greens.
I'm.going to pay attention to how much fat I'm eating and make sure it isn't too much and no salad today! Give my tummy a break from lettuce. I have a tendency to finish my playe even if Ibdon't want to. Out of paper plates and our regular plates are too damn big. Don't fill your plate! So, smaller portions, watch the fat, no lettuce. Going to eat fish and chicken today. Also start looking for another job and put up the towels and do dishes. It's my "play day" so I can zumba for however long I want or yoga, or whatever I choose!

Whole30 Day 8 part 2

Tired. Got tired around 2 and am still tired. Idk what is wrong. Maybe working out makes me sleepy?? Going to soak in an epsom salt bath.
Since I was grilling over charcoal, I made two large sirloins each seasoned.differently and cut the second one up for beef broccoli stirfry. Made some summer squash for morning and forgot about it! Then I had to "taste" it. Hahaha!
Dinner: sirloin steak and salad.

Whole30 Day 8 part 1

I woke up with so luch energy, but my mind said "Go back to sleep." My body won. My body didn't want to work out, but my mind did. My mind won. Balance.
Breakfast:
Pre workout- 2 scrambled eggs in coconut oil, decaf coffee*
Post workout- small sweet potato w/ evoo, 1 egg over leftover groundbeef and onion, decaf coffee*
Lunch:
Paleo shrimp scampi over sauteed greens with garlic and red pepper, decaf ice tea. Used EVOO and coconut oil.
*naturally decaffinated

Got laundry going, dishes going, vacuuming going. Using the ADD to my advantage!!

Whole30 Day 7 and Lynyrd Skynyrd/Bad Company Concert

Today rocked!! Switched from half caff to decaf and David hasn't said anything! I think it's because before, he had a pot of coffee and skipped breakfast, but since I went CAVEWOMAN I started preparing him big breakfasts. What's a more stable energy source? He drinks less coffee and he doesn't have the shakes any more. Woot woot!
This morning he made his own breakfast so I just cooked for me. Sauteed (almost crispy) collard greens, 2 eggs a some grapes. Not pretty enough for a picture and um, I ate it before I could anyway. XD
I managed to squeeze in 20minutes of yoga before work and then DEVOURED about 4 figs and dates, and some nuts. *insert drama drama drama*
I made a quickie supper because the concert was tonight! I browned two pounds of ground beef and onion and put half in the fridge for later use. Let me tell y'all something. Grassfed beef STINKS! It stinks like a feedlot/sale barn/pasture! It tasted fine, but the smell!  Meat should not smell like cow poop!
Dinner: grassfed gb, italian seasonings, grape tomatoes, and spinach with cucumber salad and what I like to call "roughage" and homemade italian dressing.
Concert was awesome. Got there fine, took a bit to settle in since so many people met us there. They didn't disappoint! Go see the show!

Whole30 Day 6, workout day

Last night was rough. I got very little sleep and awoke with upset timly. Taco salad was too spicey. I ate two scrambled eggs and devoured the Aldi and.HEB flyers, made the meal plan for the week and the list. Organic grassfed beef was 4.89 or something. Holy shiz. I got 5 lbs. Back to my story. I was fixin' to work out and it's funny because at this point I am almost asleep standing up! I went back to bed.
Brandy woke up. "Mom. I'm hungry. Will you make me some eggs?" I said, "Mumble mumble go have some cereal mumble mumble there's boiled.eggs in the fridge." The spawn said okay and fed her and her friend. I didn't hear a peep for almost 2 hours.
It took me 30 minutes to move. I just laid there. Brandy gave me my water bottle. She suggested I splash it on my face. My response was something like "I'm not splashing water on my face!!!!" I rolled over. I checked my phone. People started messaging me (ahem, Candace) about some hawt guy on some new show that's a book series. With lots of steamy sex. Hmmm. Sounds good to me! I roll out of bed. It's 11.
I want to hate myself. I want to say mean, ugly things to myself so O don't have to workout. But I realllly want to. So I eat. I mean I shoveled two boiled eggs down my maw, put on a sports bra, marched my butt downstairs (it's like, three steps, but I like to call it "downstairs") and turned on the Wii. I danced. Nice, slow warm up. I danced again. A weird one that halfway through becomes a redneck line dance. I love it. I grab my notepad and pen (ahhh that's where my pen went off to!) And set out to do Nerd Fitness's Beginner Body Workout. The whole thing plus deadlifts and downward facing dogs. I made it through one set: 20 squats, 10 girly pushups, 20 lunges, 10 dumbell rows (I call them "arm things" and I used real 10 lb dumbbells!) Each arm, downward facing dog, 15 second plank, deadlift 50 lbs (5,7,10 times), 12 jumping jacks (supposed to be 30). I had to pee. Then I did it AGAIN and rested for 1 minute. And then, I did it a third time. And I was tired and wanted to be a baby but instead, I squated deeper, lunged farther, did the push ups faster, extra arm things, and 10 deadlits! I counted out loud, LOUDLY! I got into it! I gave that last set everything I had! And I was sweaty and out of breath and I danced. A slow cool down. I stretched!  Sat in front of the fan!!!
And then I ate. The acorn squash was NOT ready, but the ground beef and onion with an egg on top was divine. Then I took the kids to Conroe and dropped them off, bought some bright pink sneakers, got groceries at Aldi and HEB... Talked to some amazing people who built me up. Found out where I can go to get grassfed meat. Came home, put groceries away, and prepped the salads and veggies for the week or two. I made a huge mess but this will save me so much time! I got a ginormous organic spring mix blend on reduction for $2!
Two large salads, cumumber/olive/tomato salad, veggies chopped, fruit washed, cut up a whole chicken and made Crispy rosemary chicken with sweet potatoes and green beans. I'm tired now but really want to watch the damn movie I rented (oz). Can't believe it's 9 already! I feel better now that I brain vomited everything here, in my blog diary thing.
I also love how the photos tell a story. David drew that owl this morning because he is awesome.

Whole30 Day 5 Part 1

Good morning! Too stiff and soar to workout. Will do some yoga this afternoon, I think. I had funny dreams all night and not all were good. I work with Miss Sue today so I need to eat and get a move on.
Breakfast is a salad I prepped last night, spring mix, leaf lettuce, red and yellow bell pepper, radish, cucumber and added two boiled eggs and half an avacado this morning. Simple olive oil dressing, salt pepper.

Whole30 day 4 part 2

Crispy Paleo Chicken Tenders | CrossFit Syracuse http://crossfitsyracuse.com/2013/01/crispy-paleo-chicken-tenders/
I made this recipe and it was divine! I seasoned it with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder, italian seasoning and paprika. Heaven in my mouth! I made them in two batches and next time I will clean the pan, or judt have two pans going at once. Coconut flour absorbs the oil! I may also have fried an avacado since I had left over flour.  Tasted better than the last time. I was craving it! I also stirfried yellow and red bell beppers, garlic and onion with kale and over cooked it slightly. Ooopsie! The kids had carrots with "ranch" (Simply Dressed Ceasar) that they lurved! Simple ketchup for their dipping pleasure. The kids are not total cave children ... Yet. Living in two different homes makes it difficult to restrict what they eat too much.
For lunch we had the last t bone, sliced, served on the rest of the salad I had made up. I haven't made an italian dressing yet, so I just use EVOO, salt, pepper, and some italian seasoning.
I also had a snack. I know that isn't Whole30, but my metabolism sucks balls and I fall asleep around 2-4 if I don't recharge. I had a nap from 4 to 5 because I was cranky. For snack I had an egg, that was a double yolk, 1 cup sauteed spinach and a handful of baby carrots. I am actually full tonight. I think I am.just not eating enough at meals to feel full. I love salad, but it isn't very filling at all.
Why am I so tired? Ovulating? Not sleeping well? Or enough? Need MOAR exercise? Probably AOTA! I have a sleep CD I'll play tonight and instead of flopping into bed, Ima actually get ready for bed. Omg a bedtime routine! And I want to do zumba before work in the morning, so going to get my clothes, shoes and breakfast ready tonight. I'm still tired.

Whole30 Day 4 Part 1

This time I didn't forget my ppst as much as I lost it when I went to google to search for the name of Marius (Eddie something) from Le Mis. Long story short, this time: I got two free rentals because the Redbox was broken and I drove all the way to town and that one didn't have Brave or the Oz movie, so I got Le Mis. I'm a snob, because in middle school I read the book and saw the musical. Anne Hathaway was amazing! She nailed it. So much so I had nightmares last night!! I know, right? And here is where I lost my post, because I couldn't remember Cosette's lover's name. I read how awful Russell Crowe's singing was but it was fine! It was wonderful compared to the CROAKING frog voice of Eddie Something. God, he made me want to stab my own ears. Hahaha I am so mean.
Today is workout day and I was looking forward to it all weekend! I love how I feel after a workout and I think I will zumba on off days if I feel like it. I've read how "unnecessary" cardio is and "just lift weights" and 80% is what you eat blah blah blah. I want a healthy body that has stamina and energy so I can enjoy life to the fullest. I've battled oppression, depression and addiction and know what helps overcome those things? Exercise. Dance. Sports. Running. Yoga. Hiking. Kayaking. Pick your favorite and JUST DO IT if it makes you feel good! I love zumba! A Personal.Trainer told me I would have to dance for 2 hours up to 5 days a week to lose weight on cardio alone. This doesn't mean don't do cardio! He said I don't need diet pills or supplements for energy. Just. Work. Out. And that will create energy and he was right. Now I do a combo of zumba, strength training and clean eating (Paleo). I want to add in play, yoga and moar zumba to getvme off my lazy, tired butt! I was that jazzed this morning that workout day was finally here.
Whole30 workout day
2 scrambled eggs with 1 tbsp evoo, half caff coffee, water (pre workout meal)
Put dishes away, reboot laundry
Beat level 110 on Candy Crush Saga WOOOOT!
20 MINUTES high intensity Zumba Core on the Wii. I tried a different workout with dances I didn't know and it was great!
Basic Body Workout x3 plus 1 rep
11 jumping jacks
14 squats
14 lunges
8 push ups
downward facing dog
10 arm things (each side)
I did three sets if those with 1 minute break in between. Then I stretched, started blogging, and made my post workout bonus meal. This I look forward to also, because I get to eat starch!
Pan fried salmon in small amount of EVOO, salt, pepper and fresh thyme with half a small sweet potato. Just a smidge of oil, becacuase the post workout meal.is supposed to have little to no fat. I fogrgot to take a picture! Oopsie!
And.... I forgot to do my dead lifts!!! So a few minutes ago while typing up my workout, I ran and deadlifted 50 pounds 11 times. Another oopsie!! Lolol
I should go check on the laundry now and wash some dishes and probably wouldn't hurt to shower. That zumba workout made me sweat!! Later gaters!

Whole30 Day 3 and a tangy chicken stirfry with bok choy

While cooking dinner tonight I wtote this blog post in my head and I lost it! Where did it go? Let's see... It is day three of Whole30... A strict paleo diet that lasts 30 days. I was naughty and had a smoke but it hurt my throat. Maybe the pack will fall in the pool? Out of nowhere this urge came and I shouldn't have given in, but whatever!
I lost 15 pounds over 2 months but hit a plateau because I was cheating! Now no more cheese, alcohol, processed meats like bacon and sausage and raw veggies like onion, garlic and broccoli. I posted on facebook earlier that I was giving up those things, but I figure since they only upset my tummy in raw form, I'll try eating them cooked, but not everyday!
Sooo here is how today went: for breakfast I had 2 eggs, uncured bacon, and sauteed kale, peppers and yellow squash. Unfortunately, the bacon had sugar in it and was illegal. Poopstain. Lunch: grilled burger and a large salad with lots of fixin's. 
Then I finished reading the saddest book ever... Mockingjay, the last Hunger Games book. Good god! Then in the afternoon I got so tired, especially after I eat. I went for a short walk and felt somewhat better. It's now after dinner and I am ready to pass out!
Dinner rocked. Tangy Chicken Stirfry with Bok Choy. Omg.
3-4 Boneless skinless breasts, sliced
2-3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tsp turmeric
salt
Pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 sweet onion, sliced
baby bok choy (2 bunches)
1-2 tsp fresh ginger root
I prepped the veggies, heated the oil, and stirfried the chicken, adding turmeric, salt and pepper, until it was done. Then I set that and it's yummy juice aside in a dish. I added the olive oil, garlic onion and bok choy stems (and MOAR salt and pepper). I had looked up how to cook bok choy on youtube, so I cut the stems off and cooked them first because they are so thick. When those were translucent and all limpy, I added the leaves in and stirfried them. The ginger wasn't cooperating, so I cut it up instead of grating it. Then I added the chicken and juices back in and heated it up.
Let me say, this was so good! I had my husband rate it and we made some.changes. He thinks it should be saltier and more spicey, but this guy eats raw jalepenos! We agreed it needed more onion and bok choy... Originally I'd used just I bunch of baby bok choy and 1/2 an onion. I found the bok choy hard to eat, so in the future I will chop it up. I even took some pictures! Let's see if I can the blogger app will let me upload them. Here's to one more day of healthy eating! See y'all tomorrow.
PS I wanted links and stuff, but I'm on my phone and lazy!

Cool

Deactivated

I'm tired of the political bullshit. I thought it would end with the election,but it hasn't. Join a real cause or do something useful with y'alls time, but stop posting meme after meme of anti whateveryoudon'tbelieve in. Maybe this school shooting bullshit will die down by Christmas. I'm fixin to wait this one out. Facebook just isn't fun anymore.

Uh oh I'm blogging! You know it's bad!

I feel like poo inside. Sad, bummed, depressed andfor once I know prezactly why. I hate working as a cashier at Kohl's this time of year. It's busy like walmart or a grocery store: non stop checking people out. And I hate it. We got a new manager, so I didn't get to go to shoes. And I'm not familiar with her and well.... I flaked on myself. I'm weak!
I just couldn't tell them how I feel and what I want and the sad part is they do this on purpose. Matilda called me out and said she got anemail that I was leaving. I said yes. And she fucking said no. Pshh as if she has any say in the matter. But if they're going to create an environment where I can't freely speak my mind and I stay, Ima be miserable. It's like they suck the decisiveness out of me. I need to leave and I'm planning my escape.
And this time, I'm not going to cave. I can't live my life to make other people happy. I really can't explain what happens when I try to talk to them. I think they are just very good at getting what they want.
I have to face this. I just don't know how. I need.to quit qnd I need Saturday off.
They have me scheduled on days that I need to work at the other job.... The clients have been waiting for someone for so long that they might lose them if I don't start. I'm trying to do the right thing and its making me sick. I want to tell them to take a flying leap and never go back. Just being there with all those people hurts me. But to do so is irresponsible. Then I feel guilty like I'm just running away. And what about the clients who really need a care giver asap?
Holy fuck just somebody tell me what to do. And by that I mean tell me it's ok to drop Kohl's and how I should do that. I'm miserable.

New Direction

Making a big life change: I'm changing my career! I admit I am a little apprehensive, but I needn't be. I've done this before and I liked it. I filled out my app, had an interview of sorts, and an offer was made. A good offer. We're waiting on my background check and then we'll know for sure.
No more retail! I'll be helping people! Home health care is a completely different direction, but it is something I am very familiar with. Not only have I done it before, but Ma did it while I was growing up.
They said they can load on the hours if I want. I'm very excited. This opportunity fell in my lap- an employee bought some clothes at Kohl's and gave me their card. I knew I had to jump on this. When opportunity knocks, ge up and answer the damn door!
Wish me luck!

Phooooooh

I really can't deal with the van's transmissions issues right now. I love the van and I feel it's worth fixing, however, I can't drive it like it is and I'm not going to wait for months and months while it just sits there. The alternatives are taking it back to the guy we bought it from and either getting option b (a dodge cavaran with some serious interior issues like missing door panels and windows that won't stay up on there own) or getting our money back. IDk which option to choose. If I had specifics I could make a decision. So here we go: I am so happy and grateful that if we decide to fix the van, we will be able to get it fixed quickly, efficiently, accurately and affordably with minimal inconvenience to all involved. If we decide to go with option B, the caravan, I am so happy and grateful that the interior issues will be fixed quickly, efficiently, accurately and affordably with no minimal inconvenience. And if it's option c, I am so happy and grateful we will ge a full refund right away without any hassle and that we find a reliable vehicle that's affordable and without any glitches right away.

Crisis of Faith

I've been discussing how sickened I am buy consumerism- how we are pushed by companies to consume consume consume!!! And buy as much as possible for the holidays. Don't miss this sale!!! On black Friday I spent $80 and SOMEONE had to call me out on it. Let's put things into perspective, shall we? The store I worked at made over $300,000 in sales (and still didn't make their day.) That is just one store, in one community. Can you imagine, with all the events going on that day through today (Cyber Monday), how much money one community made in sales? Staggering, isn't it?
We sure love our stuff. Yet there are a lot of things we complain about. Like giving and sharing and paying taxes, especially when those taxes go to helping those who are less fortunate. We have people sleeping in tents- if they're lucky- in the woods in Conroe, TX. I know exactly how bad the homeless problem is in this town and how very little help their is oit there to help people get back on their feet. Don't for one second think that these people are lazy or crazy bag ladies or drunken hobos like the media portrays them. They are like you and I, normal people falen on hard times. They spend their mornings at day labor hoping to get called out for manual labor- $50/day.
I was astounded when I saw our sales for Black Friday. Can you imagine how much money could be raised to help a community if a charity fundraising event had the same turn out as Black Friday and everyone donated $20?! Let me tell you, people spent hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars to fill their homes and lives with things. Ridiculous things.
I think of Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror while I write this. When was the last time I donated to charity? The one Sevenly shirt I bought for Tessa? I am having a crisis of faith. My job is meaningless and I sell meaningless junk to people with wallets full of credit cards. I am promoting greed with every transaction so I can have money to buy presents for my family??? I've gotten then shoes, socks, underwear and clothes. But I still want to get them toys and electronics and candy just to see them happy.
I need to change my ways. I need to make a change and soon, in my heart and my mind, before it drives me insane.

Thankfulness

I am thankful for everyone of life's blessings and lessons. I am thankful for David and Daddy and all of David Hulon's family. And I am thankful for all of my friends, including the ones I've ticked off or offended with my big mouth, for understanding that life is a journey, and we all make mistakes and learn and grow, in our own way and time. I am thankful for realizing what is important, to live a meaningful life and focusing on what is important. Worrying about buying things for the kids wasn't living in the now and won't make Christmas any better. A magical Christmas comes from the environment we create, not by how many presents are under the tree. Working for money to buy gifts was the wrong path. Working to provide for my family is the only way to go. The gift list is getting tweaked- And will focus on each individual's needs.

Stupid job

I got into a little spat with another cashier when she wouldn't take my check and wanted all my info. I'd never had anyone say anything before. Anyway, the supervisor intervened and today I had to get talked to. AND instead of comong to me, other cashiers been talking behind my back, saying I get an attitude with them. Oh really? It's ok for them to get an attitude with me, though? I figure I'm just too direct. Whatthefuck ever.

Thanksgiving

Well, Happy Thanksgiving. The neighbors are partying and racing horses up and down our driveway. The music they're thumping is BEYOND loud but David is friends with them and doesn't want to call. People don't realize they can call it in before 10 pm.
We had a good time at his aunt's house and watched the Texan's game. We didn't go to his brother's, though, because I'm tired and didn't really wanna see some of the people who were gonna be there.
He kept his promise and left when I wanted to leave, didn't get cocky with me and paid attention to where I was and what I was doing. I had a talk with him and let him know the things that bother me. He won't know if I don't tell him, right? I also tried to be nicer, and I left when I started getting cranky and tired.
Honestly thinking about hitting walmart tonight just because I can and I never have (black friday). Ok ok tbh the neighbor's noise bothers me so much I want to run away. They did turn it down a lot.
On a more tmi type personal note, I'm still constipated. Used to write whatever the fuck I wanted on my blog and I think it's funny how sensitive many of my fb friends are and their over reactions to topics such as constipation and sex. Young people around here these days are such prudes. I love my "old" friends. No filters! No "omg tmi!" Rude and crude, just like I like them!!!
Laters!!

My Weekend

Chin up tits out. Been really stressed out with everything going on. David is so mad at his friend and is super stressed. This weekend was pretty hard for me.

The girls brought home a kitten they found in the pasture- neighbor's dog had it in its mouth and the mom ran off and they couldn't find her. Its pretty young and I am bottle feeding her. She whines. A lot. That makes four freaking cats- 2 kittens! Hailey was supposed to take it home with her and she didn't! This is too many animals. Three of our cats are cats that Hailey has rescued! Riley- the mostly white long haired calico that is our baby, Mocha, the mottled calico kitten and the bug looking one she just found. The two kittens need homes. The girl cats are so mean and hiss at each other and The Bug. Tiger, the tom, loves all the animals and takes every opportunity to love on anyone that will come his way! Mocha is currently stalking The Bug, which is a Manx, btw, and maybe will make friends with her. She is lonely.
I decided I don't have it in me to train any puppies. We have dogs already- so we will be finding homes for them, too. Soon, I hope, so that Daisy can get back to her normal self. I know she is tired of nursing them. And we still need to get Daisy and Riley fixed so this doesn't happen again, and get them shots. I can't afford more pets.
Oh damn, the puppies are in the pasture!

Brain Vomit for Wednesday Morning!

I worked 40+ hours last week and had more time on my hands than in the past 6 months, so we figured out where my time went. Driving to Huntsville-7.5 hrs/week. Breaks on avg- 2hrs/day- that's 10 hrs/wk (I hated this!!!). At most I was scheduled 34 hrs/wk but spent an extra 17.5 hrs/wk traveling or in Huntsville that I didn't get paid for. Add in $10/day in gas, and I was making $4.67/hr for my TIME. Transfering to a store closer to home was the best decision. And its so much less stressful! I don't want to work that many hours, that was just for Easter, anyway. There is other stuff I need to do.
Like get all crazy political on facebook. My friends are prolly irritated with all my links! So I will post them here:


Wisconsin Republicans target voter fraud within universities

This law will make it harder for college students to vote by requiring IDs with up to date addresses. They are restricting the votes of students because they tend to vote Democrat. This gets on my nerves. Republicans across the country are making laws to restrict the votes for the poor, as well.. Laws like this should be illegal, even if they say its to restrict fraud if its known that the results will target a specific voter group that is their opposition. There should have been an easier way to say that, lol....

The "Glory Days" of Scott Walker May Already be Over | BuzzFlash.org
Like Trump, he likes to take credit for things he hasn't done. I hope he gets recalled, too.
White House releases Obama birth certificate
Trump takes credit for Obama releasing the long form BC, but really, it was his way of saying STFU we have real issues to deal with. WIN THE FUTURE!
"Instead of Continuing to Subsidize Yesterday's Energy Sources, We Need to Invest in Tomorrow's"
A letter from the President urging that we eliminate tax breaks for the oil and gas industry. If their profits are up 50% then they are fleecing us, plain and simple! 
snopes.com: Barack Obama at Columbia
Yes, he did go to Colombia you racist fascists. 


Onto more serious matters. Puppies! OMG they are so cute! The little buggers are sleeping right now, the kitten all cuddled up with Avril, who still doesn't like me. Last night we ALL were outside looking for her. I told Tessa she was fine and that she was either sleeping or hiding. She doesn't come when called, the fat lil pudge runs when called. Seven, on the other hand, always comes to momma! We went outside later for our "rain dance" for Jacque Sue and found her on her momma's tit. :P What I really should be doing right now is looking up how to train the puppies to live in the house, not outside. Daisy was too old when I got her to live in the house. She likes laying in the dirt. Whatever. :D 


The Rain Dance. Sorry Jacque, I didn't participate. The girls wanted to dance to Milkshake. MILKSHAKE! I was like that isn't a raindance song! When I checked on them later they were dancing to screamo music. Much better. They were like, can we come in now? Hahahaha! hey, they volunteered! I'll get my fat ass out there later when they aren't home.
Laters!

A big shout out to Miss Kitty

It took me all night long to set this blog up! I couldn't decide on blogger or wordpress, until I found out I had to pay to customize wordpress. No thank you! I downloaded the google toolbar, logged in and found all my old bookmarks. A big thanks to Ann from Ornamental Illness for inspiring me to blog again and a HUGE thank you to Miss Kitty for the blog template. Mmmmwah! :*

Do what you love and love what you do! Peace!

I am back!

Fed up with facebook, I have come home to blogger! I used to live here! Its been so long I prolly forgotten how to blog! My biggest gripe with facebook is that posts have to be so short, and now I can't think of anything to say! Its ok, I am sure my brain will vomit something interesting to say.

Prolification

Is that a word? I doubt it. Its a total Dawn-ism. Its just that I used to be so prolific! I haven't written anything in a very long time. I am glad to be back though.

Its more than an internet connection. Its a commitment. A permanence. A reestablishment of what once was.

The relief I felt after I called the cable company and ordered service- after living here for 10 months- was a clear indication that I needed to validate to myself that I really am home.

I need references!

I need a job. I need a job yesterday and money a month ago! I am gathering up my old job information, but I am stuck when it comes to references. Employers probably won't understand why a 32 year old SAHM would lack something so simple! I am sorry, but I do not have personal references because for the last decade I have been isolated from friends and family, have moved once every 2 or 3 years, and have not been able to make new friends. Until recently. But they turned out to be a bunch of backstabbing hoes!

No... I don't think they will understand.

So, if you are my blogger friend, and would like to help me out, I need at least 3 personal references to put down on an application. I know this is a lot to ask, since I would need to put down your name and phone number, and request that if called upon that you would tell the prospective employer nice things about me, like I am reliable, prompt, of the upmost moral character, you know, all the kiss ass things employers wanna hear, etc!

Yeah I am exaggerating it a bit, but seriously, I do need some help. I have really had a rough time making and establishing real world friendships. I really am a social person, I just thought it was my job to give up all of myself for my family and be a model 1950s housewife. I sucked at this and I need to find a real job, that pays money, gets me out of the house, and helps me meet people to socialize with.

If you would like to volunteer, drop me a line and let me know. You have no idea how much I would appreciate it!

Thanks!

Merry Christmas!

Ok, I scratched lavenderdaydreams.wordpress.com blog when I was able to keep my host! So I can be found at lavenderdaydreams.com/lavsblog. I plan on moving all of these posts to wordpress, btw!

Sorry for confusion.

Laters

just don't ask what happened

*sigh*

http://lavenderdaydreams.wordpress.com

testing

what the heck?

WordPress

I have moved to word press. Email me for the addy if ya want it. :D

dawndschaak@gmail.com

Happy Thanksgiveing All!

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."
-Cheris Kramarae & Paula Treichler

I am still alive... I think. :p

The Heroine

I wrote a story called The Heroine and you can go see it over at Flashes of Speculation!

So, what do ya think???

Stupid evil bitch

Below is an email conversation C had with his instructor. She is a doctor something or other AND keep in mind that the class she teaches is Critical Thinking Skills. she also goes on and on about logic in her class. I will not be taking any classes from this whore anytime soon.

From: lav's wolf
Sent: Monday, October 22, 2007 9:48 PM
To: stupid teacher
Subject: peer evaluation

i know i submitted my peer eval on Wednesday the 17th.

From: stupid instructor
No submission. According to directions, if you do not complete an evaluation for your team members, you will receive a 0 on for this assignment, regardless of how your team members rate you.

From: lav's wolf
Sent: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 8:37 AM
Subject: Re: peer evaluation

is it not attaching my file? it says it is attached when i submit it.

From: stupid instructor
It was too late, Chantz. I'm sorry. This was one assignment that had to be submitted on time.

From: lav's wolf
Sent: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 9:16 AM

i did submit it on time i am trying to figure out why it did not go though. i pulled over in a truck stop and did homework for 4 hours. thats why i know i did it. i was just wondering if it was the attachment that did not go though or the whole thing?

From: stupid instructor
There was nothing attached prior to the due date as I indicated in the second to last e-mail I sent you, Chantz. I can only go by what I have on my end. I will post the screen print again.

From: lav's wolf
Sent: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 10:56 AM
So I did submit something, just without an attachment. That is what I was unsure of. I figured that if you received a submission -on time- without the attachment that you would come to the logical conclusion that an error had been made and needed correcting. I and my wife both take devry online classes have had this problem. It could be a problem with the dropbox. It is sending the messages with out the attaching document. This is a technical error that needs to be addressed. Or, perhaps it could have been human error and that I forgot to send an attachment. I did try however, as you can see, to submit this assignment. In my wife's situation, her teacher understood that it was a simple mistake, either on her part or on the part of the drop box, and accepted the assignment late. We will contact the devry help desk about the issue with the dropbox, as well as our advisers. Hopefully this problem will be resolved soon. I would hate for this to continue happening in other classes I plan to take.

Thank you so very much for being so supportive and helpful in this situation and for being understanding of my problem. (sent carbon copy of this email to the advisor)

From: The Queen bitch of stupid instructors
Chantz, there was no indication that you had logged on. The website keeps accurate track of when are where each student logs on.

From: lav's wolf
Sent: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 5:56 PM
Well then how does that explain the other assignments that I turned in on the 17th? I can see them with their dates when I look at the drop box. (attached two screenshots of evidence)

From: The Cunt
I don’t know. I wish I had all the answers to these questions.

Oh, I see, lady. I was correct in my first assumption. You were just making that not logging on shit up. hey, can you guys tell when I jumped in and took over for big C?

Grrr, Argh

Know what pisses me off? All these so called "sexy" Halloween costumes for women. So in order for a woman to be sexy she needs to wear a very short skirt, dress like a little girl, or wear an extremely skimpy costume?

Wake up America and get the fuck over yourself. It's not "drive all the men spitting wild and get your self raped day." It's Halloweffinween!

Brought to you by Pissed off Fat Mama!

too much

An email from Candy: "What's going on with you - are you okay? I worry when I don't hear from you."

My reply:

i am so-so
less crazy, still confused
paranoia is gone (didn't know i had it before)
still overwhelmed. still spending too much money. still stressed and frustrated. still not sleeping at night.
been reading or watching tv.
BUT i am trying to get stuff done. try to get austin into mental health, no answer, left message, no call back. try to get kids to doctor, phone busy.
am skipping tessa's piano lessons today. its too much.
girl scouts 2x/month, science club and piano lessons???
the lesson is at 4:30. rush hour traffic!? schools letting out!? missing dinner time every friday!? its too much
i am getting dinner ready right now, we are going to eat, and watch a movie i bought and stay the fuck home
c is on his way home
THANK GOD.
i am a tad tired and run down, brandy still has a cold. class is going well. i have a 99%

Dinah and the Mites

These kittens and their mom need a new home! They are so adorable. Read their story over at http://dinahandthemites.blogspot.com/.

"Well, that time has come. Dinah and her Mites are ready to go to their Forever Homes.
If you would like to adopt Dinah and/or a Mite or two and you meet the following criteria:

1. Loving home (INDOOR ONLY)

2. Provide plenty of attention

3. Would be willing to keep us updated by blogging (if you don't know how to blog, we will be happy to teach you!) or at least keep in touch every now and then.

PLEASE LET US KNOW THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ADOPTING. (We've used Continental to fly kitties everywhere, so the mites can travel if necessary)

The Mites were checked out at Houston Cat Hospital and came through with flying colors. We had each Mite individually checked for disease, rather than selecting a random kitten or two. All of them tested negative. They didn't have ear problems, fleas or anything other problems, even though they all received preventive treatment.
These are very sociable kittens, affectionate, active. One thing to suggest would be adopting a pair if you have no other cats. These Mites can really play and they are very close.
Thank you all for your help. We've used Continental to fly kitties everywhere, so the mites can travel if necessary -- they charge by weight, so it wouldn't cost that much to fly a Mite! If anyone wants information on how the Mites would "fly", here is the website. If you want to adopt a mite and can't afford the flight fee, arrangements can and will be made to pay it for you!"
http://www.continental.com/web/en-US/content/travel/animals/default.aspx

Willis, Texas (Inequality)

Which house would you live in? Which can you afford? Which one is mine? I will let you guess!

1.

2.

That is a mattress sticking out the window, next to the shopping cart!

3.
4.

This house is on stilts:

5.

That's not a blurry picture, its smoke from the fire:

6.
7.
8.
9.

Wah

I have a bladder infection/UTI and am miserable. I am tired, too. My doctor apt isn't until Monday, and I can't afford to go any sooner than that. It's actually to get my blood work for my lithium levels.

What I have been taking:
Cranberry pills and Azo. The Azo is a bladder pain reliever and antibacterial. The cranberry pills prevents the bacteria from sticking to my bladder. They work as long as I continuously take them, and drink enormous amounts of water. Since I forgot to take them yesterday (only once!), I am drinking the cranberry juice, too.

But I hurt.

I googled UTS's of course, and know what I found out!? It's icky... The bacteria living in my bladder is EColi! Ewww! Nasty! That is just so freaking gross. Yuck!

Proclamation?

This is a word for word copy of an email I received today. Tell me in the comments just what you think about it. :D Go ahead, give me your opinions!

Someone Finally Said It
(And it's long over-due.)
Proud To Be White
Someone finally said it
How many are actually paying attention to this?
There are African Americans,
Mexican Americans,
Asian Americans,
Arab Americans,
Native Americans, etc.
...And then there are just -
Americans.
You pass me on the street
and sneer in my direction.
You Call me "White boy,"
"Cracker," "Honkey,"
"Whitey," "Caveman,"
... And that's OK.
But when I call you Nigger,
Kike, Towel head,
Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey,
Beaner, Gook, or Chink
... You call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot
of violence against you,
so why are the ghettos the most
dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
You Have Yom Hashoah.
You have the NAACP.
And you have BET.
If we had WET
(White Entertainment Television)
... We'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day
... You would call us racists.
If we had White History Month
... We'd be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites
to "advance" OUR lives
... We'd be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce,
a Black Chamber of Commerce,
and then we just have the plain
Chamber of Commerce.
Wonder who pays for that?
If we had a college fund that only gave
white students scholarships
... You know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly-proclaimed
Black-only Colleges in the US ,
yet if there were "White-only Colleges"
... THAT would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March,
you believed that you were
marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights,
... You would call us racists.
You are proud to be black,
brown, yellow and orange,
and you're not afraid to announce it.
But when we announce our white pride
... You call us racists.
You rob us,
carjack us,
and shoot at us.
But, when a white police officer
shoots a black gang member
or beats up a black drug-dealer
who is running from the LAW and
posing a threat to ALL of society
... You call him a racist.
I am proud.
... But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only
whites
can be racists?
There is nothing improper about this e-mail.
Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on.

It's been a while...

I have been on anti depressants for a few years now, and guess what?

"Research has shown that people with bipolar disorder are at risk of switching into mania or hypomania, or of developing rapid cycling, during treatment with antidepressant medication."

They only made things worse! I might have been less depressed, but my episodes of Mania increased. Ni-i-i-ice!

A new semester starts tomorrow, for both me and Chantz. I don't have my final grade yet; the exam is part essay and takes longer to grade. Chantz is going to school for (computer) game design. How cool is that?

Oh, yeah. It's also big C's and my 11th wedding anniversary.

Laters!

First Day of School

I am up! And I am driving Austin to school because the bus comes at 5:45 am for middle and high schoolers! That is just nuts. He doesn't need to be there until 7:10. I wanted to leave at 6:30 this morning, but Austin didn't sleep well last night and is lagging a tad bit. A simple threat of the youth officer dragging him off to school in his PJ's and then spending tomorrow at Boot Camp got him up and rolling.

Seriously.

Tessa wasn't able to sleep either. I know this because she kept waking me up last night to tell me. She is passed out on my floor now. So I reset my alarm and will call her to wake her ass up. This is going to be so much fun!

I slept like a baby, however. Life is wonderful!


Oh, and I love this quote:

"A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider to be God-fearing and pious."
-- Aristotle, 343 B.C.

This is a test

Remember those damn broadcasting tests? How annoying.

So far so good

I ain't dead yet. That's good! No terrible scary side effects from the new meds, and all is good.

**Update**

I got in to see my doctor today after I really started to wig out. We threw out the Trazadone, and got a prescription for Lithium... it's only $4/bottle. I need to have blood work done in two weeks with this med, though, because it has some possible nasty side effects. It won't make me crazy though. Liver damage or crazy??? Ok, I will take crazy... but its worth a try.

I'm blanking losing it!!!

I am off that new med! I should go see the Dr again, but I can't afford it right now! She won't put me on any Bi Polar meds because she doesn't think I can pay for it. She only prescribes me what is on Wal-Mart's $4 list. Gee thanks.

Here I am taking Wellbutrin ill*g@lly because she won't prescribe me that, either. Prozac doesn't cut it, because I am in Manic mode right now, and yeah, that Trazadone will knock me out right now, and half off tomorrow! Doesn't do me any good, does it?

For the past few days:
I can't think... formulate thoughts.
I forget what I am doing.
I get confused.
I am edgy and lose it easy.
I don't care about school, and am lagging this week. Don't even want to post. Am willing to lose a few points (for Christ's sake, I only missed two so far and next week is the last. I think I can spare a few).
See? There is something wrong with me.
I have no filter... no angel conscience that tells me, no, you shouldn't die the ends of your hair lavender, because its an extra $20!

Hey, I am no longer two toned... sort of. Before I had 3 inch roots of ash blond hair, the ugliest color on the planet, dull, drab, and blah! The rest was faded red, that I had stripped out. It was horrid.

Now I am all over blond (10), that is more golden, and two thin strands in front are lavender, and the ends are too. Even my layer. (I only have two layers, so...)

I love it, it looks great. I got up at 6 this morning, PUT MAKE UP ON, and put curlers on the ends of my ponytail. And no nappies, either! I am still going on 6 hours sleep, when those monster pills made me sluggish with 12!

Yes, I have been Manic since six o'clock, and fear I cannot slow down.

DeVry sent me a bill for $600, though they told me I would have enough fin aid this semester. Riiight. What is really very clever is the *past due* amount of $250. They never sent me a previous bill! So anyone with a spare 600 bucks just lying around.... call me.

...Not!


Oh yeah, one more thing. Oh wait, never mind. I can't post that idea. Ask me via email about my plan to get bi polar meds. NO NOT ILL%G#LLY! Sheesh, peoples. Just teasin'!

:D

What's up with you?

Have you seen this? It's great! I am totally encouraging you to go look!

I went to my friend, Jan's, house today. We ended up stuffing 7 kids in my van and headed to the park. Once we got there, and everyone was sucking down snow cones, we wondered, "what the hell were we thinking?? It's August in Texas! Who the hell goes to the park in August??"

I think next time it will be the pool. We came back and stopped at my new neighbors house so Jan could take a look at their Dachshund pups. Jan's wiener dog had gotten run over, and she was preggers, (terribly, terribly sad!) and she is looking for a new dog; an inside, house dog! They have two to give away, and Jan is going to take two of them home in about three weeks. Ain't that sweet?

My kitty, Molly, no longer tries to eat us. Here's a tip: canned cat food can make kitties aggressive! Now she is all sweet and loverly again.

School is going just fine, and I am happy with it. My grades so far are amazing! I also recently got a new prescription for my depression. I am sorry to say it does nothing for my big mouth, however. It's called trazodone, and it is to be taken at night; the fluoxetine (prozac) is still to be taken in the mornings.

I am a google junkie, (seriously, you should see my track marks!) and I had to google that drug. I found it at wikipedia, another addiction of mine, and guess what? A side effect of it is an increased sex drive!!! Wooo hooo!

Oh and I bought a hypnotherapy cd set from Wendi.com. :D

I've been Nab'd

What do you think about that?

---

And isn't this the most hideous thing you have ever seen? (Not the boy, the sofa, people!)

Musings, not amused

What is the politically correct term for black people in England?
Why do I get so overwhelmed?
Why is Bruce too much all the time?
Why am I such a spaz?
Why am I not as good a mommy as I was a year ago?
Why is my porch such a disaster?
Why do I get stuck doing shit I don't want to do?
Why do I feel guilty when I do something for myself?
Why are babies so cute?
Why do baby girls lift their dresses over there heads?
Why is peek-a-boo so fascinating for babies?
Why can't I screw in a screw into the wall with out stripping it out?
I hate not being able to finish something I start.
So if I don't think I can, i won't try.
The bookcase in my room is disastrous.
There is an overwhelming amount of laundry to do, the floor needs to be mopped, there is barbeque sauce on the wall by the table, and toys everywhere.
It takes forever just to sweep this floor, and even longer to get it in shape to be mopped.
Tomorrow it will looks just as gross anyway so why bother?
I hate disappointing Chantz.
I spend money I don't have when I am stressed out.
I want him home!
I am tired of these trips to Montana.
They were supposed to get a new driver. That was the plan.
They don't care. No one fucking cares.
Why don't people understand simple English?
Why is the following concept so difficult for them to understand?
Why don't they care about me?
Why don't I matter?

I still can't do this by myself!!!

The Title Is "I'm Fine"

I just finished reading The Bourne Identity and it was excellent. One of the best books I have ever read. Too bad the movie didn't follow the book! Let's see, what do the two have in common with each other? Well there's this guy with amnesia who goes to this bank and a hotel, meets some chic who helps him and people are trying to kill him. If you read it, you will hate what hollywood did to Marie's character! This isn't really a spoiler, but the real Marie St Jacques has a doctorate, works for the Canadian government, and is a technical analyst in Zurich for a conference. Which means she is very, very fucking smart.

Oh what the hell. The man known as Jason Bourne was never, I repeat, NEVER an assassin. He was only pretending to be one to flush out Carlos.

See? Hollywood screws everything up.

Oh wait, people wanted to know about me right? Ok, I am fine. My husband was fine and was even nice and attentive for the last two weeks. He is on the road to MT and although I don't really miss him, I can't wait for him to get his ass back here and give me some.

Yes, I just said that. Oh and since EVERYONE (ahem, Doozie) is so nosy, I will let you know just how attentive my husband has been. Close your eyes little ones, Dawn is going to talk about SEX.

So we are fucking, and we are making this funny, wet slapping noise. You know it, you have heard it and done it and know how damn funny it is. We stop, but I start laughing so hard that he came. Yup. I LAUGHED my husband off. Who of you can say that you have done that?

I have other stories of the last two weeks, too. And unless you want to hear all about my anal adventures, all y'all just might want to put up with the shit I post, when I post it. So there.

*spitty tongue noises* :p

Seriously guys, thanks for worrying . Things are better and brighter. For the moment. :D

Oh so true!

Your Hidden Passion Number is 5

You love travel, change, and new challenges. You are highly adaptable and versatile. You have a talent for languages, and are generally good with words. Writing, promotion, and public relations work suit you perfectly.

You are sensual and a bit impulsive. You love to satisfy your senses, which can get you into trouble. Overindulgence in food, drink, sex, and drugs are common among people with too many 5s -- six or more. (I do not have that many fives, only 2 I think. This girl is mostly 9s!)

You are resourceful and original. You have a good sense of humor and a quick tongue.

Your desire for freedom is extremely strong and it will take effort and discipline to stick with whatever it is you started. There is a tendency to give up a project or situation prematurely.

You may be interested in too many things, which can make it hard for you to apply yourself to one area successfully.

You are very unconventional.

Commitment in relationships and your work is fundamental to your happiness. You may have a tendency to wander from person to person, job to job, making depth of relationship or deep expertise difficult.

All this came from entering my birthdate and my name as its on my birth certificate. How totally cool is that?

Luke Skywalker

Boldly striving to overcome the darkness both in this world and within yourself, you are righteously devoted to forging your own destiny.

It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my powers.

Luke is a character in the Star Wars universe. For more information, see his character entry at the Star Wars Databank.

I am in school

And that's why I haven't been around much lately! I like it, too. I also am thinking about getting a part time job.

Laters!

Hi

Dear Dawn,
Here is your AstroSlam
for Saturday, July 14:

Some people see the glass as half full; others, as half empty -- you, however, don't care, because you know that the glass contains poison. Would it kill you to be just a little bit positive?


On another note, I had to fall asleep last night imagining my husbands arms wrapped around me, keeping me safe. He comes home soon, but I am not too sure about when.

I am also not so sure I know how well we are going to get along, either.

Thanks for the support guys!

i am falling apart

and i don't know how to put myself back together again.


don't bother calling the kings horses and the kings men, because they don't give a fucking shit.

Where Am I?

Dear Dawn,
Here is your AstroSlam
for Wednesday, July 4:

You're perfectly capable of entertaining yourself. Really, friendship and love are totally overrated -- and you know it. A lifetime of solitaire and word-search puzzles suits you just fine.


That is so much closer to the truth than anyone knows, I think. I am going to Houston today to register for classes at DeVry. I didn't sleep well last night and I am going to be so tired by this afternoon. I am up very early so I can do this and get everything done on time. Funny that I am here instead!

We didn't go to a fireworks display; we had our own. I was a brat though, and came inside with Brandy, who didn't like it much, because it isn't fun for me to run around and watch the babies while everyone else has a good time. C and his mom watched the kids and let the fireworks off and had a good time without me. I heard about it later, though.

I am tired of being a mom who never gets out or has any fun. It just reminds me of when Austin and Tessa were little and I had to give up everything for them. No one here wants to hear this shit though, so I get to use my blog for what it was originally intended... an outlet for my angst. LOL "Angst" I like that word... makes me sound so... you know.

Sometimes I wonder where my fiery spirit went. Is it hidden?

Or lost forever?