Dream

I got dressed in my black pants, black satiny maternity shirt and even put on my black socks I like so much. Then Chantz and I walked Rocksy to the hospital where I went to talk to a lady about a job. I told her I was looking for something occasional, maybe on call; I am pregnant and don't want to work to often. We went to the rest room for privacy where we found my baby gate on the floor. She said I shouldn't leave my stuff laying around. I said I didn't bring it, someone must have took it. Then it was ok. She pulled out some photos I had taken and started looking through them. Then I am on top of a hill in the winter time with Bruce who is a toddler with thick dark hair. He lays down the gate and rides down the hill on it. I follow until we meet Chantz at the bottom with the dog. Never do find out about the job or what was up with the photos.

Damn

I am not parking in the street any more. My car got wrecked and I didn't even go anywhere. Did she have to hit my driver's side door? Couldn't she have attacked my bumper or the fender? At least she has insurance. These roads are so icy. Wish we could sue the city, you know, just for kicks.

And we were just going to go to the store, too. It was 4 o'clock and Gilmore Girls just got over. I am so sad. My pretty pretty red car. My baby. And Chantz is in Fairview with Austin and I can't reach them on the cell. I left a message. Damn! Damn Damn Damn Damn.

Now I gotta find that registration card. Argh.


Hey, way off topic! Did you know that if you click on the time at the bottom of the post, and not on the comments, it will take you to a page that shows the comments under the post but within the blog and not on some pop up or alternate page that doesn't list the original post? Yeah, who'da thought!

Red again

I finally got off my ass and dyed my hair again. Carrot orange isn't a good look for me. I need to redye it every 6 to 8 weeks to keep it bright, dark red. Plus, my hair grows super fast! I use Garnier, %100 color and really like it. It is much cheaper than the salon, and I buy them a couple at a time. I am just so lazy... or tired... or busy... or...

Watched a weird movie called Camp this morning on Encore. Gilmore girls stared over (on the family channel). I have shopping list made and am waiting to go. The bills have been paid, ok not all of them, we are still behind from moving. My MDU (Mon-Dak Utilities) deposit is $400 bucks! My god! They will have to wait...

I need to get some hair stuff- I am tired of looking like a slob. I got a hair cut last Wednesday, but it is still frizzy. I think I want some more flannel pj's. They are comfy and I wear the pants all the time. I wonder if they come in black?

Blah

Thursday Ma came with Bill and Uncle Dave. We had a cured and smoked turkey, a traditional turkey and a ham. We had spuds, both mashed and sweet, squash, stuffing from a box, green bean casserole and sweet corn. A veggie snack tray with spinach dip, cheese and cracker trays with smoked cheddar, baby Swiss and havarti, candy, butterfluff rolls, 2 pumpkin pies, 1 Dutch apple and strawberry cheesecake (from a box). The other pies were baked from frozen, I made the trays with Tessa, Ma the casserole, squash was frozen, sweet potatoes were canned topped with marshmallows and the mashed potatoes were from a recipe I got off of Good Eats on food network. Yay Alton! They were a combo of 2 to 1 whites and reds with butter and this awesome milk-garlic stuff. (He uses heavy cream and stuff, I just used milk and it was fine, simmered with lots of garlic cloves while the potatoes cooked.) My god were they good! Then we watched Charlie and the chocolate factory. Oh, and Pepsi and mountain dew.

Friday Alice and Larry came over at five and we had dinner again! Without the cheese tray though; Chantz dumped it on the floor. Alice ate like it was her last meal- on the road they eat fast food, gas station food, and at a smorgasborg when they hit Conroe (sp). She was excited a bit. Chantz put a candle in her pumpkin pie; the 25th was her birthday. 39 again; and again, and again and again... Chantz doesn't know how old his mother is! He couldn't remember it was the 25th. Him and Larry just remember it is sometimes on Thanksgiving. Nice, huh?

Friday Tessa went to Pizza Hut with her friend and then she and Austin went to the light parade and roller skating! She spent the night at her friends and came home late Saturday night! She has fun...

Wednesday we had pizza because someone forgot to buy ANYTHING for dinner. We has all that food and not a damn thing we could eat!!

New template...

...for you to have, maybe. I might not be able to let go for long, so this may be a limited time offering.

A Season In Hell... {Click the stupid arrow thingies and the stupid geocities menu will go away, expanding the template, 'k?}

Been creating like crazy since I been off my meds. Is creativity linked to insanity? Dude, I'm not insane, just depressed and stuff. Don't take me literally now....

Good night, I am tired. It is so past my bedtime!

New Corpse

and it sucks ass.

Oh, and it might look familiar. I borrowed the middle part, that is mine, to create what you see up there.

channeling or whatever

Ma's been having a hard time, harder than usual. Since she's been home from New York she accidentally doubled up on her meds and she was already at maximum dose. She could have died, had a heart attack or something. What she did and is still suffering from are emotional outbursts. She's been written up at work for saying ass in front of clients (not the business kind, but the developmentally disabled kind. Yep, she spends all day taking care of the mentally and physically challenged then comes home to take care of Uncle Dave.) Ma lives with her husband Bill, her f-i-l Jason, her brother, 2 black lab mix dogs and 3 cats- Salem is one of them, :( Big plate. There is conflict at work because her brother is a client and she doesn't work directly with him but tells her coworkers when she thinks they are doing it wrong, as is her right!

Anyway, the girls know she is messed up from her meds and got writ' up anyway and has 3 mos probation so she has to behave. They are provoking her, the snobby bitches. G@D D@&M C#@%S! On purpose. Sidney women are- just don't get me started. I feel bad for her and I think how I have such good luck cuz when things get bad, they never get so bad as we can't handle it. The money comes, people are nice, I get an advance on my financial aid, etc. I start talking to Chantz' parents after 2 years and they offer him a job when no one else will .... Doesn't seem fair, Ma is so much more spiritual than us, why is someone looking out for us? Why do we have such good luck and her not so good? Then I think maybe this is her life with luck and that's all she gets, that's all that can be given. So I ask my Dad or God or whoever it is looking out for us, spontaneously, to give Ma our good luck for a month. She needs it. Maybe if she has a good month, she will pull out of depression enough to have a good 2 months on her own.

WHAT! What did I do? What if Tess or Austin get hit by a car I irrationally think. Wait a minute, if anything bad happens to my family it effects Ma, so we are ok. I worry, not to be selfish, we are just that lucky. I don't worry about fincances, it'll be ok for a month, but I worry about Chantz and the kids and the unborn baby. Then I get over it.

I tell my doctor about it at my appoinment because I've had a headache since we got back from Nebraska but it didn't become unbearable until after I gave Ma our luck; she gets migraines. I told him Tylenol doesn't work on this one and that I took Ibuprofen for the pain. He says that's ok for now. I told him I can't take it back and know what he said? Do you!?!

He says, "No, but you can take Ibuprofen for the next 30 days!" Shithead doctor with a sense of humor!

So I think I'm channeling. My hip pain didn't come back until I sat on the exam table and I have had an unexplained sore ankle for a week. I don't think it is my own bad luck I am getting. I think I am channeling Ma's and that's ok. Suffering for someone else makes the suffering like not suffering at all. I just ignore the pain and hope she is doing allright.

I have 26 days left.

Dream

We are wandering through this old house, me and 4 or 5 boys. We are exploring. The dream is boring up til the end, so details don't stick with me. Then 2 boys pass the lady of the house, and 6 or so strands of her blond hair falls out in a clump. The roots are grey. She looks at the boys and tells them that they are gay. They look at each other, say yeah we are, ok! And go make out. I've never seen them happier. They and the others go back to the carriage. We, the person I am with and myself, decide to make it a relationship ride. The two other boys have now also realized their homosexuality and are now happily embraced as well. It's quite cute. (I guess I should say early twenties when I refer to boys in this context. They just acted so very young before.) So the house is now part of the ride. We get this really "out there" black wearing rocker almost goth type with long black hair to join us. We hire him. So he starts to make the carriage totally outlandish and we start to recruit people to go on this relationship ride. This guy is really cool and crazy.

Then my husband rolls over and starts snoring again and I wake up.

The woman who lived in the house was spacey and was wearing a tradtional, ordinary, to the calf night gown with a yoked breast. That seemed important for some reason. No color pops out hear. Just the color of her hair- blonde.

Keep it short

I read in a teacher's blog about long blocks- classes that run an hour and a half rather than 45 minutes. Now I know it seems like such a short time to sqeeze so much info into, but maybe we should be concerned about quality over quantity. She said students have a hard time paying attention for so long. That says they are bored and not learning.

Take a tip from Charlotte Mason. She believed in short, 20 minute lessons. That if a child's brain shuts down in math to switch to science or reading or history or some such and vice versa. Our brains use different parts for different subjects because we learn different things differently. The brain isn't shut down completely. It's just bored stiff in that area. Or confused. Or overwhelmed. Switching and keeping it short will keep the brain stimulated and the kids will remember what they learned.

So you teach a 45 minute class? Or a *long block*? Your students getting bored? Try shifting gears in how you teach stuff- keep the subject the same, just switch the lesson or method halfway through. Just try it ok? "Millions of homeschooling mom's swear by it!"**

**Don't take this quote to the bank, I was just making it (the quote) up. It's a joke, ok? ;) Just a joke.


Check this out: Charlotte Mason's 20 Principles: A Synopsis of her Educational Method.

New template

Click here. I am done for the day. Gotta go frost cookies now.

Oh, there is a new look, too. Like it?

Dream

Our checkout date for the trailer is the 14th and we are going over there today to finish packing and clean up, inr also. But when I get there this morning, there are five or more cars parked out front and they are already inspecting the trailer. I am pretty worried because its a mess in there yet! I see AC wondering around, looking disgusted and maintenance guys working on it. So I go in to get started and I am wondering how they knew I was coming over today?

Now a young teen boy is there trying to impress some girls he invited over (is it Austin only older?) and he's being picked on by a man there supervising things. He is sorta good looking in an asshole kinda way with blond hair, thick longish and feathery. I don't like him. Austin and his male friends take off with some wood and stuff on a small flatbed and are heading over to the pit and are going to try to cover it up before it gets found. The man is following in another flatbed, but with out a truck pulling it. Austin gets some balls (figuratively, like he grows a pair) and starts throwing small pieces of wood at him, then for the first time in his life (this is not like rl at all!) really stands up to this guy and threatens his ass with a BIG piece. I'm impressed. The girls are impressed. I defend him saying something like I don't care what he does as longs as he does this to get such and such done. Don't remember the exact wording here, but it was severe.

-----------------------------

Girls manipulate boys thru distraction. 4 girls, 3 leave while one captures the attention of the group of guys. They get in a truck and the drivers has to be in on it to drive how they want. Girls cooking a steak, it is too rare, they stick their fingers IN IT and send it out anyway. Of course they get away with it and it doesn't get sent back, they're girls. (Not teens, a bit older and more experienced girls.) Then some stuff about driving techniques and buying insurance that actually effects the way the car handles that I don't understand and won't go into.

-----------------------------

Night time, shiny roads, wet like. West Towne street up by the hill, stretch starting 50 feet from the rail road tracks and ending there (by the 2 gas stations). Obstacle course laid out with bright lights shining on it and junk piles heaped up and a couple of white wooden small road blocks (shaped like those things people jump in high school track that always terrified me). Tessa is excited and running the course like its nothing, dodging this and that as fires start exploding all around her and she comes to the last road block and is stopped right there, she can't go on. I go and get her. I am supposed to take her to the hospital, where I am to get a neck film done, but first must pick up her old one (IRL, on Monday I have to take cousin Sherry to Sidney to get blood work done but first we must pick up her film from our local hospital and bring it with us). I am looking for a doctor we know to speed things along. It is the mom from the home improvement, she is a doctor on lifetime's strong medicine, a show which I've seen like 2 episodes of ever- and she gets the x-ray for us. She says that since Tessa is so small you could see it all on one film. It looked all twisty and weird as though she did acrobatics during the x-ray. The doc is concerned over Tessa's antics. It is she who stopped Tessa during the obstacle course. Now she is a different lady and is from the fire department. She sets up a mini scale model of the course. Tessa went to that part cuz it was windy and she liked it, but wind feeds fire and a train was coming. Lady pushes a train through and I notice it is a bit more ahead than it was for real (not irl), but oh well. The point is Tess would have been trapped by the wind and fire and the train. Tess starts to jump through the model train saying, I coulda** got out like this or done this or this*, as she maneuvers through it and part of it becomes a cage. Lady takes out the very small cage a puts a cute dog in it. He doesn't look happy but he is out of the sun. He pouts at me with his eyes.

*Tessa says shit like this in real life, hiding from the consequences of her actions. It doesn't occur to her in the dream that she couldn't have done those things if she was trapped by a MOVING train.

**BTW, she and Austin think the word coulda is an actual word. They don't believe it means could of.

IRL this morning the phone rang at 6:20 waking me. When I answered they hung up. Assholes. Anywho, these dream sequences ran like one dream and started after I fell asleep and woke up at 7:30 this morning. I'd have thought it ran for hours and hours!

Willy Wonka!

We just finished watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and boy do I have something to say. In every description of Depp's character, Wonka is juxtaposed with Michael Jackson. So, one idiot says this and all follow suit? Is there no original thought in this world at all?

Did you even see the movie?

Not only is Wonka not creepy, he is also not at all portrayed in any manner as a would be molester. When you put the words creepy and Micheal in a sentence together, that is just what comes to mind! Is Wonka a boy who never grew up and lives in a fantasy land and who indulges every whim and desire? Hell yeah. But that's not what you said. You used creepy and Micheal together.

Wonka doesn't like kids; they make him feel uncomfortable. He has been alone a very long time. Wonka suffered childhood trauma which makes him the boy he is today. He isn't creepy in the least! He has poor social skills, is a genius, and is a bit self centered. He has flaws. He has been hurt, and being around these children brings to the surface his buried childhood memories.

There is nothing Michealish about Depp's portrayal of this icon by Roald Dahl, not even their boyish adulthood. Wonka caters to his childish whims and markets them to children around the world, subverting parental control over children through indulgence in forbidden fruit, er, candy. Micheal, in contrast, caters to his childish whims in the manner of Elvis (in private), but markets himself to adults, not children, around the world. Public Micheal, as portrayed through his music for many years, was a strong sexual man .

Jesus people. Next time watch the movie. And leave your goddamn preconceptions home, in the toilet where they belong. I heard the same tripe as you, and was able to abandon it 5 minutes after meeting Willy Wonka as played by Johnny Depp. And I'm just a stay at home mom, for pete's sake!

Puppy issues

What the hell is wrong with my dog? After being outside for about an hour, I let her back in. We had to leave so we left her downstairs; the entry to my "dungeon" gated. We were only gone for an hour. She knocked down the gate, shit on my floor and on my bed!!! Again!!! She used to shit on the kids beds all the time when we first got her. We cured that by leaving the doors shut and making her spend most of her time outside. Now that we've moved this crap has started again. I don't know what to do. She should have gone while she was out, right? Last time she crapped on my bed, we cleaned it up, then my dumbass of a spouse left the door open and she peed on it. I soaked it with odor nutralizer pet cleaner and FLIPPED the mattress. So why is she still doing this? It is so damn gross! T he only thing I can think of was that:
A. There was food in her dish still, which she ate then had to poop
or
B. When she knocked down the gate she got into the big bag of food, ate and pooped.

But why? And how do I fix this? How do I help my puppy? She is a 6 mo old german shepard and she is driving me nuts with this behavior. I try to train her, but she still mouths and grabs stuff, and jumps and does other acts of naughty mischief. We NEVER give her people food, yet she is always trying to eat from the table. Or jump on top of it.

Her area, btw, just outside my space, is uncarpeted and large- she has 3 rooms to roam around! She can shit there if she needs to! I understand she is just a pup. But why the hell does it have to be on carpet or ON MY BED?

Please, I really need advice. Help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help us please, if you can.

Back in school

That's right! Tessa is back in public school. I just couldn't take it anymore. I love my baby girl, but all day every day Tessa and Austin and Bruce and Chantz and Rocksy was just too much! It just ain't natural I tell you! Luckily, this house is on the southside, just 4 blocks from Lincoln school. We didn't have to send her back to Jefferson! So yesterday we registered her and this morning was her first day back.

I think she will do well. I learned from homeschooling her how far behind in math she was and we were working on that. I told the folks at L that she has difficulty in math, is hesitant to speak up when confused, and when she gets overwhelmed, tends to just shut down. And that she doesn't know cursive yet. Tess did excellently in music, art and PE last year, great in reading, science and history (except critical thinking) and not so well in the math, but I never knew just how badly she was doing. Once I found out what the problem was, I realized that she needed to go back to public school. She can really benefit there.

I was impressed with the staff and teachers at L. They won't rush her, they will give her a week to adjust (unlike J!!!!!!) and don't really push cursive till second semester. They will keep an eye out on her math skills. Surprisingly, both elementary schools share a principal, music, art and PE teachers. District doesn't have as many kids as it used to and not much money. Both elems only go to fourth grade, her school is older than J, and the rooms are smaller. Her classroom is so cute; it has a loft for extra space. Computers are below the loft, and on it. I really hope she has a good day. The students were so friendly, and one little girl even gave her a hug! I told her to tell people that she was born here in Glendive and that she moved away for two years and that she went to kindergarten at J. Hopefully she will find some friends who live nearby. I miss my baby. It's like sending her to kindergarten all over again! She wanted me to stay, but I didn't. she can do it.

I just worry. She can be so sensitive. Her favorite class last year was the one where a group of kids talk about there feelings and make stuff. I told her I'd see about getting her into counseling again.

No more box springs!

We couldn't get the queen size box springs into the finished basement. This is an older home, remember. So we have ditched it; we plan on buying a new bed anyway. My goodness, my bed has never been so comfortable! That box spring was terrrible.

Of course we are sleeping with he mattress on the floor until we get a platform built, but that's ok. No one goes in our room anyway; it is safely tucked away in our dungeon, right next to the computer room. This used to be a little apartment. It is adorable! I've seen closets bigger than this "kitchen"!

Last night I dreampt that Chantz's snoring had something to do with us saving some people. I don't remember much, I am just glad that it only registered as a dream and didn't actually wake me. Did I really elbow him in the face to get him to quit? Or was that part of the dream? I'll ask him when he wakes. He didn't get back from Nebraska till late last night/early this morning and he is still sleeping.

We got it!

Yes! In the paper, there was a 4 bedroom house for rent. We went and looked and were totally hooked. We were number 6 on a list of 13 who were looking. So we filled out a credit application (turned in within a half hour!) and we waited! This was Saturday. Sunday passed. Monday came. I waited for them to call, surely the creditors had been contacted by now! I called. Machine. I didn't leave a message. I called again later to see if it had been rented. She said no, and that we seemed the most interested but she hadn't gotten hold of our previous landlord, RealEstate 1. I told her they don't open till 9 and they're closed from noon to one. It was about 4:30. She said she would try again and to call back in the morning.

So I felt a little better. I was a wreck all day. We have to get out of this trailer. It has mice that die in my hallway and spiders that don't go away and leaking faucets that drip down the tub and onto the floor and we think there may be mold. I was spizazzing (Spazzing times 10) all day!

She called back at 4:55. I see the time on my caller id. We got the house! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! And we can have our puppy Rocksy! We go in at 11 to pay and sign the papers. Now the only problem I have is our current landlord. But due to the problems we are having and that we are going to have another baby, I am going to fight. I am much more eloquent (ha!) in writing than in person, so at 5 this morning I wrote a letter in my head while trying to back to sleep. I had to get up with the dog and with Bruce, so I wrote it out. I usually can remember things that I write in my head, but I was afraid I would forget it all. Now it is typed, I need to get the printer hooked up, then I am going to mail it. I really don't want to talk to them in person. I wonder, though, if they are going to give us our $400 deposit back.

People here think that $450/month is a lot here. But after paying $650 for a teensy apartment, this is nothing. We would have paid five. (Plus they want the last months rent. Again, this is not new to us after living in Laramie!)

I admit I prayed.