Dream- Second Coming

I came out of a building in the winter time and had to help this man drive home. I get to the car and he jumps in the driver's seat and takes off, driving crazy. I run after him yelling until he stops and I get in. He says I was too slow and wouldn't make up my mind. He somehow falls out and Shannon Doherty (I hate her) gets out of her SUV to see if this jackass, whom she knows, is ok. She offers him a ride and since i am his caregiver i go along to. I pull myself up into this very high seat and slide the bench behind me back. We go to her camper thing. It is huge, but not to fancy. No one else notices the sludge on the ceiling coming from the kitchen. I realize it isn't grease, but dirty snow/ice that came in the vent as they were driving. It is thick and all over the place. Like a snow cone gone bad. Then we are all girls and part of this important group. I am this small young girl. My friend tries to prove that I am in fact a member. She tells them I can sense this stuff under the water and throws something in. I dive in for this orb, which comes up so translucent it almost seams invisible, but for the iridescent sheen. I float in the air holding the globe and realize I am God. I am the second coming although I am actually the first. By merely thinking it, I created the universe in the few moments I sat in the air holding the globe. I did everything God was known for. So Jesus came first...

How cool is that?

Which Endless are you?

Dream, the third of The Endless, you are in charge
of the Dreaming, all imagination and
creativity, everyone knows your beautiful
realm, but none truly understand it. You are
dark and brooding, creative, and spend a lot of
time by yourself, just thinking. You are almost
as serious as Destiny, but not quite. Everyone
is enchanted by you, but you keep them all at a
distance, even when you shouldn't.


Which Endless are you?
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Kidz bop

I am not a religious person. I feel that some people take their beliefs too seriously. So it is not for love of Christ or biblical morality that I say "Kidz Bop? What are you people thinking? Are you retarded?"

Kidz Bop is a music CD you can buy off TV. The commercials are on all the time. It is "songs for kids sung by kids." Sounds great doesn't it? But before you go and buy these atrocities for your children, let me ask a few questions.

Do you allow your children to listen to all songs on the top 40? Have you listened to the top 40 lately or in the last few years? Because that is what is on these CDs; kids singing adult themed songs by artists such as Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Weezer, Black Eyed Peas, Gorillaz, Green Day, Avril Lavigne and many more. Here are some lyric samples:

"The feeling that I’m feeling
Now that I don’t hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don’t have a choice
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To have you lying by my side
Right here cause baby..." We Belong Together, Mariah Carey

"Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.
Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything
You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me" Karma, Alicia Keys

"Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me...
I'm just a no-class beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play
Beverly Hills
That's where I want to be
Livin' in Beverly Hills..." Beverly Hills, Weezer

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
Hey, baby my nose is getting big
I noticed it be growing when I been telling them fibs
Now you say your trust's getting weaker
Probably coz my lies just started getting deeper
And the reason for my confession is that I learn my lesson
And I really think you ought to know the truth
Because I lied and I cheated and I lied a little more
But after I did it I don't know what I did it for
I admit that I have been a little immature
Fucking with your heart like I was the predator...
No,no, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie..." Don't Lie, Black Eyed Peas

Don't get me wrong, I love these songs. I think they are great! But I am 30 years old, not twelve or younger, the target ages for Kidz Bop. As a parent I let my children listen to many of these songs, but I am not so ignorant to think that just because they are sung by kids that they are for kids. These songs are monitored by me first. And this is how this product is marketed. I would rather kids hear these lyrics by adults, because then they know these are adult issues. Children singing this kind of material just validates the idea that these are morally good for children.

I am no Tipper Gore. I abhor sensorship. I am not talking about restricting these songs in any way. But I believe it's wrong to try to pass these off as songs for children! And with the newest release, Kidz Bop 9, this damn thing must be popular. Are people really this stupid and ignorant to fall for this? Really, I wanna know. Or does every parent who buys this for their kids think its ok for kids to listen to other kids singing these types of songs?

My husband agrees with me on this, and we shake our heads everytime a new Cd comes out, beginning with Kidz Bop ("30 newly-recorded, kid-friendly versions of today's biggest songs!") Yeah, this one has the song Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls (which I personally love) that is about an unwed, unplanned pregnancy:

"Could you whisper in my ear
The things you want to feel
I’ll give you anything
To feel it comin’
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults

Chorus:
I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah we’re gonna let it slide

Don’t you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you

Don’t suppose I’ll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can’t change
I’ll live around it

I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah we’re gonna let it slide

And I’ll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh,may put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May do you wanna get married
Or run away...."

Narnia and annoying children

I took the kids to see Chronicles of Narnia last night. Ok, so I wanted to go to. Chantz didn't want to go, so he stayed home with Bruce. It was great. I was surprised how close to the book it was and how it didn't leave too much out. I have the set in storage and picked them up today. At less than 200 pages, I am not surprised now that the movie came out so well.

But...

At the theatre there were about 15 or so "eleventeen" year olds sitting in the front. These kids weren't whispering, they were yelling! Chatting! Disrupting the movie! So I, pissed, went down and asked them, sorry, told them to SHUT UP! They just looked at me and kept it up. 5 minutes later this teenager in charge actually told me that I was too loud and that I needed to keep it down! WTF? So I said fine, next time I'll come get you. He says ok. I say, well they are still doing it! He walked off and did nothing. I fumed. It got worse. They flitted from one aisle to another, hopped over rows and yelled and laughed and ran around! I tried to ignore it and watch the show. I waited for someone else to complain. Someone else had to!

Nothing.

Finally toward the end of the movie I got up, went to the back and told the only working employee and his friend who was hanging around, that they were loud, had been loud the whole time! I did this after he got off the phone, btw. I went back down and waited for him to come dispense some justice. I watched the movie, tried to ignore them though they got louder and louder, deciding that I was never coming back to the Rose Theater again, ever. So its the only one in a 50 mile radius! I'll go to Sidney (50 mi), or Miles City (75 mi) or Dickinson (90 mi) before I ever go back to that sh#@hole! Finally, 15 minutes later, when he was done talking I am sure, he finally came down and broke it up.

I worked at the Centre Theatre in Sidney back in highschool. I know the drill. I also know that you keep the fudging doors shut so that light doesn't come in and to keep the noise out. The Rose always keeps one set of doors open! That's how the employee can listen, supposedly. Then how could he not have heard all that shit down there, yet heard me tell them to shut up? I wasn't even very loud! I think someone else turned me in. I am never going back. I may, however, call the owners and complain. (This is a one screen show hall that has been there forever- we live in the middle of nowhere, remember!)


Merry Christmas and go see the show, it was good. I may just wait for the movie to come out on video next time.

Ma and Bill came and dropped off the presents and went back to Sidney. Alice (MIL) and Larry (FIL) can't make it either; they are working in Texas. No other hotshots down there will run till after New Years! The oil field doesn't stop for holidays.So A and L couldn't turn the opportunity down and picked up some jobs. Not just for the money, but it says something about them and their company; gives them an even better rep than they had. Dschaak's RoadRunner Service is reliable. My man doesn't work though! I hope... Cousin Sherry is staying with us for Christmas; her sister bailed on her at Thanksgiving and no one knew. Alice and I aren't letting that happen for this holiday.

Enough. Must make cookies now. Later, Dawn

Evil! Sinister!

I am so bored and can't get back to sleep, Bruce is teething and woke me up. Now he's konked out peacefully in my spot on the bed. But that's not what is evil. I went to all my favorite blogs. I read and commented, and even read other people's comments, which are sometimes tedious and sometimes hilarious. Then I thought I would browse for other blogs, but didn't find any links I found interesting. And it was taking too much thought. But that's still not what's evil. So I decided to surf- I clicked on "next blog" on the blogger bar.

Not interesting... stupid... not in English... wtf? Is that stream of conscious? No, no its not and its not rambling either. It almost looks like a bunch of key words about roulette games and other stuff just thrown in.

NEXT

WTF? I am rerouted to some stupid roulette site and cannot go back or forward! I am stuck at some game site! How sinister! How evil! How dare they! It's abuse I tell you!

So I click on the back arrow and choose from the drop down menu the site before Roulette Games and get the hell outta there. Then I realize I have just found something to do, something to blog about. I do it again, and this time it actually takes me to the next blog! Have I defeated it? Have I won? Lets check it out. I'm gonna do it again. BRB.

YES! It has been defeated! For the time being, anyway. I gotta go now, this next blog I found may be interesting. There was Japanese Anime and who can resist that at 5 o'clock in the morning? Who can resist typing out "o'clock" at 5 o'clock in the morning?

Hmmm? Who?

My Insanity, My Hell

I am not making this up**. I am not exaggerating or fishing for sympathy to cover for my "insanity" or to excuse my spazzing. My children do not act in this way because I am a bad mother. They don't "learn" these things from me. My son is diagnosed with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder. My daughter is in no way ordinary, either. And she does not act in this way because she copies her brother (which is why she has been denied evaluations; I consistently get brushed off.) I am an adult and don't have to explain myself, I know this. What I do need to do though is vent.

My kids will consistently and repeatedly do the following:

1. Choose the hardest way to do EVERYTHING
2. Pick the most cluttered or dirtiest place at the table to sit
3. Do the same wrong thing over and over again, and not learn from their mistakes
4. Argue or contradict everything Chantz and I say or tell them to do
5. When asked not to do something, do it even more and even worse than before
6. And many other things I cannot think of at the moment
   

If you had to live with this day in and day out, you'd be crazy, too. You would loose it and spaz as I have. You would also need to take medication. You would not need people to ridicule you or make jokes, like "Did your mom take her pills today?" You would not need this because it is rude and undermines your authority over your children, because they are not "magic" pills that stop working if you miss one, they don't start working the first day you take them. These little wonders actually take up to two weeks to work and have side effects during that period that actually make you worse. Mocking is definitely not needed.

I swear to god, if you dealt with what I deal with everyday, you would need some kind of therapy. Because I highly doubt you could handle it either, unless you're a Saint of some holy sort.

They are not bad kids. They do not do this on purpose and they do do these things as often as I say they do them!

**This post is in no way directed at "you" my readers, but the people in my life I deal with daily.

New corpse

"I kiss the crumpled violet and not coffee."

Mine is the last panel. I like this one; it turned out pretty nicely. This is the first last panel I have gotten to do. All the other ones were panel 3! And just last night I uploaded my first ever panel 1! I can't wait for it to be finished.

Dream- running naked and stuff

I am at this place- open and very white. A bunch of people are there; we all write and draw. My guy friend doesn't know I blog; he had one and I wonder if he's updated it in a while. He is writing and drawing in this group in real life.

Then I am another girl (I think) and I had an episode where I had run in the middle of the night naked. We are in a house now, but still with the same type of people. People like to say things like, you're one to talk, you were out naked!

So I am trying to discover what happened because I can't remember. Finally this mother figure tells me it is _____. _____?
"Didn't you figure it out when he couldn't keep his stories straight?" she asks me. Then she tells me he drugged my water. I had thought it was breakfast time and drank this water. She says she kept smelling roses. She found the room filled with these clear glasses of rose scented water and she was trying to get rid of them. Apparently, the naked thing wasn't supposed to happen. Whatever he tried to do backfired.

"Why didn't he just tell me he liked me?" I ask her.

She says because he didn't think we were compatible. WTF? We have so much in common, we both love to write and draw (we're at this thing, remember?). This guy is kind of bookish/sciency and shy. I don't get it. I am intrigued by this. What he did isn't even important to me. I just realized a guy I have a crush on likes me!

He had given me a folder with all these notes and pictures to explain what happened to me and it was laying in a corner on the floor. So I go over to pick it up and throw it away. This gets his attention. He comes over to me and starts talking about some of the stuff in it. As he is reading to me, I slowly step into the crook of his arm, so it is now around me. This is done very subtly. He doesn't seem to notice. He is very intent on reading. I am very intent on capturing him. As he nears the end of the page I wait and wait. As he finishes reading I turn to him and plant a kiss on his mouth. It is a perfect kiss- our lips are perfect and our tongues are perfect, it is slow and nice and wonderful. Very dramatic and passionate.

Then I am myself; I am sitting with the girl I just was and he is leaving the room, very nervously! We think it is funny.

And now I am sitting watching TV in a different room and Austin is on the computer, but he is a teenager. Instead of using the headset while on the phone like daddy, he is using one tiny earphone. This messes with me because I can't see it and he doesn't answer when I talk to him, yell at him, or anything. I believe he is just very focused. He switches between the phone and music- the music I was listening to until he put the other earphone in, shutting off the sound (Rumours by Fleetwood Mac- which I have been listening to lately.) I get his attention and someone suggests that I take the phone away so I do.

Then the alarm clock goes off and I get Chantz to get up with Tessa and he makes sausage links. Yummy. There are two links left and I am going to go eat them now. With syrup.

Dreams

I am in a school. It is a warm building with tall ceilings and dark wood, very old and very unschoolish. I am in line for class and there is a girl in front of me holding a set of pipes and she is trying to play them. But this is math class. They gave me two books; algebra and trig. Trig is next. I ask why she isn't in music class. The teacher tells me that she was late and can't open the door. She needs to knock on the wooden part to get in. I ask why she doesn't. With an evil smug look, she tells me that the girl is too short to reach. There is a boy there (young man), one of those charming trouble makers that always get out of trouble. He is goofing off with me, but I don't recall what we do. I know he is in trig with me next. (aside: IRL I used to love trig in hs!)

Lots of adventures with my kids I can't recall. I go to the bathroom. I think it is in the school. This part is funny. I pee- and I really gotta go! I am afraid to let go and relax, but finally do- and it is great! It just rushes out! I had this pee thing happen in a different dream not too long ago. I used to get "pee dreams" as a kid, but in those when I let go I peed IRL! This didn't happen! How weird!

I got up this morning and couldn't remember my dreams- until I went pee and it all came flooding back to me...

Comfort?

I found a new blog today... actually someone else I visit links to her. When I am bored or need a distraction, I like to visit new blogs. I usually decide within the first few minutes whether or not I am going to bookmark it. She wrote about a dream she had about her dad and I read it twice. It made me remember how comforted he makes me feel, even though he is gone. I wrote how he comforts me when I am sad and I realized that right now I am sad. Just thinking of him felt nice. After Grandma Laura died, and Uncle Hal was in prison, Aunt Nancy and Willy had it pretty hard. She woke in the night and smelt cigarette smoke. There in the kitchen was Grandma, smoking a cigarette. She told Nancy that everything would be alright. When Nancy woke she realized it was a dream. What she didn't know was that my mother had just sent her a check to help out. But grandma knew.

My dad is gone and he brings peace, my Grandma is gone and she brings comfort. Nancy is a loving woman and will smile down on all of us when she is gone. My dad will be there to watch out for her and so will my grandma. I've thought about naming the baby Laura or Betty (another grandmother who recently died), but now she may be Nancy. Hmmm... I keep thinking she's a girl but I won't know until the 20th.

My uncle is 9 years older than me. He started dating Nancy when he was fourteen. She is a couple of years older than him. I am 29 and 11 months. I have known her since I was 5. I have called her Aunt Nancy since I was 5. She is so damn young and this is so damn cruel.

So this is how it is?

When you have no money and you get sick they just let you die. They let the cancer spread out all over your body before they give you chemo and they let you suffer and waste away cuz now its too late and nobody cares nobody gives a fuck if you don't have money they don't care if you're someones aunt they don't care if you're someones wife or mother or a very good person who never partied or smoked and put up with a husband with problems and stuck by him and his addictions and his prison time and loved hom no matter what they don't care cuz your poor and white and nobody gives a fuck if you don't have money if you can't pay you don't get treatment they just let you die that's what it is if you don't treat a breast cancer patient right away and you let that lump get really big you are signing a death warrent you should rot in the deepest pits of hell saved for the worst kinds of people like murderers and child molesters and those that let innocent women suffer and let that crap spread to the liver and everywhere else oh what a Christmas Nancy are you waiting till Christmas? I love you

I'll be gone

...for a few days. I am going to Gillette with Chantz. I think I said Cheyenne before, but that is near Laramie! We are just going to Gillette, about 4 or 5 hours depending on the weather. (Cheyenne is more like 8 to 10 hours away!) I don't know what I was thinking! Sherry is going to babysit the kids and Rocksy while we are gone.

We're going shopping!! Yay! And we are staying in a hotel. I love hotels. I don't know why, I just do. Something about staying somewhere different, I guess. Gotta go now, I have lots to do to get ready.

Later,

Dawn

Yes!

I can take yoga! Dr. Swarny said it was ok and I have a note. I also got all of our medications today, even the one they said they couldn't fill, so ha! I am 17 weeks and the baby's heartbeat was loud and strong. I get an ultrasound next week! If this printer ever gets installed, I will upload the scan! I got a check from the insurance company on Saturday and we have a new bank account. The dog is still iffy, but what can I do? Bruce got a new tooth (front top right) and was up ALL night Sunday night. Screaming. Poor baby.

Chantz has to go to Cheyenne WY about an accident he got into a while ago; it wasn't his fault but he still needs to go sort it out. He plead not guilty to a driving to fast for conditions ticket (how can 15 be too fast?) and now has to go back. His folks will meet him there- they are coming straight from Texas. I hope they get to come home afterwards. They've been gone a while this time! (Chantz works for them, for those of you who don't know. They drive pickups with 40 foot flat beds hauling motors and tools for the oil field.)

Ma's not coming for Xmas or going anywhere and that's ok. She has it rough and could use some quiet at home time. I found lots of sites that make pixel dolls that are awesome. I found a pregnant base! I have been wondering how to make my sassy girl (the pic that shows up when I comment) knocked up, but it was too hard. So I may make a different one using an actual base this time. I'll even give her red hair!

Perfect Smooth Gold Text

In Paint Shop Pro 7 or 9
Rating: Easy

This may not be the tutorial I promised, but it is a good one to have if you use PSP.

-open an image: 200 px by 200 px.
-foreground color: set to transparent
-background color: set to #a57b73
-text tool: antialiased checked, floating checked, size 72, font of your choice
-promote selection to layer
-deselect (psp 9)
-drop shadow:

• vertical-2
• horizontal-2
• opacity-89
• blur-4
• color-black

-chrome:

• flaws-1
• brightness-27
• color-white
• fill- unchecked

-inner bevel:

• width-9
• ambience-58
• color-white
• bevel-round
• smoothness-25
• shininess-50
• intensity-50
• depth-10
• angle-315
• elevation-36

-colorize:

• hue-28
• saturation-126

Check out the finished product: I have a picture tube for you! It is an entire alphabet done in my Perfect Smooth Gold Text. Please don't misuse it!

What the Hell?

Just when I think I've got that bleeping dog trained....

It's 2 o'clock in the morning ok? I am waiting for Chantz to come home from work and decided to got to bed. Rocksy was sleeping on the floor in front of the couch and Bruce was next to her. I picked him up and came downstairs and then started to move Austin who fell asleep in my room. Next thing I know Tessa is downstairs because that stupid dog got up and peed in her room. On the carpet!!!!!!! She gave no indication she had to go, didn't follow me downstairs (the basement has outside access and that is where her chain is!) or anything! I was going to put her in the crate when I got back upstairs. I don't let her out at 2 in the morning ever! She holds it till morning every night! Dogs won't pee where they sleep. Two days ago she came in the house, after spending an hour outside, and pissed on my family room carpet! WTF? Day before that, she peed all over my kitchen floor- not too big a deal, it is tile. She hasn't peed on carpet or around the upstairs of my house ever! I don't count the submissive peeing, C does but he can f off; I'm tired right now. That is different.

Anyway? WTF? She is also been naughtier than usual, too! She will jump her big ass (this is a 7 month German Shepard) onto the top of my dining table! I gate the kitchen to keep her out because she bugs me when I cook or scavenges for people food, which makes her sick, and she will do this with a full bowl of dog food! Now, if I leave it open even for a minute, that B**** will steal the butter (real, not margarine) off my counter!! She was so bad about a month and a half ago that we were going to get rid of her! I didn't want to so I bought the crate and started teaching her. It worked great at first, then bam! I am very busy and couldn't move on with her training, but kept up what I started. It was super cold out last week and she wasn't getting much exercise, but it is nice again and I played retrieve with her and even got her to lay down for a treat. At first I thought it was the weather, but now I don't think so. I think there is something wrong with this dog! This house is a rental. She needs to learn or we get f'd up the a! Oh and this morning her chain was froze to the ground where the snow melted yesterday. It can be reached from inside the house so I don't have to go outside and I told Rocksy to stay while I pried it up (It was about 20F this morning). Do you know what she did? Just mosied her ass out the door and took off around the corner. We live on a busy street and we never just let her go. I called to her in my stern voice and she wouldn't come back. I used my sweet voice and she pounced away like it was a game. I got my boots on, went out in my nightgown and sweats and offered her a treat with my sweet come 'ere voice and she bounded into my open arms. I then took her to the yard by her collar, careful not to let her pull me on the ice and chained her up. She got a treat because it is "positive reinforcement" and is supposed to let her know what I want her to do.

The idea of potty training her again tires me out! She is a "willful" dog and will need to be trained aggressively. I read this in a book. I thought it could be avoided when she turned herself around, but no, just like my kids, she saw me relax and got all disobedient again. Damn. I am just so busy with the kids and the house and errands (not that I can go anywhere, the pick up is broke, too) that I don't have time to read and study how to train her and follow it through constantly. I just can't. That is why Chantz was going to sell her before. I said, no I can do it and it worked and then poof! She got stupid again.

I am just frustrated and am ranting and I do like my puppy, she is just a pain in the ass. I already live with 3 other pain in the asses. Bruce isn't yet, and the only way to avoid it is to "aggressively" train him. And the new baby. I just can't do it all at once.

Tessa's homework and Austin's homeschooling and my free time and cooking and worrying over the bills and making costly errors in the checkbook and having panic attacks and headaches and backaches and forgetting to make doctor appointments and forgetting to get prescriptions for my depression and panic attacks and being snippy and losing my temper and making other appointments I won't get to keep because I have no transportation....

I think Ma's luck finally kicked in. You see it didn't take slowly from me, bit by bit every day. No, it came in like a hail storm or a hurricane and destroyed everything all at once. I just hope she got to use it all month, and not wait for it to decide to transfer to her, unless of course that is how it could have been most beneficial. What I mean to say is that it better have worked, g.d. it!

It is now 2:36 am. I am going to bed.

Pet Peeve

I have a pet peeve I have been meaning to write about but haven't gotten around to yet. Thanks to Fred, who updated his site yesterday with a new, non blogger issue look, I'm getting around to it. I don't want to offend anybody, but I am putting it out on the table. It really bothers me that so many blogs look alike because they use the same ol' tired blogger templates. It really isn't that hard to customize them at all. Fred got a company to do it for him, but it isn't too difficult to do on one's own. My problem with this repetition is that it doesn't show much of the author's personality. I am a visual person and tend to recall blogs by what they look like. If they all look the same or very similar, it doesn't help me categorize them in my head!

If you can add a link to your blog, you can change the background color or the font and link colors. You can add an image. These are simple to do and I would like to put up a tutorial on how to do this, when I get time. There are many sites that offer free templates, some image free. Why don't people use these? I just find generic ones boring. I used to make lots and lots of linkware sets until I got bored with it. Granted, images will have to be hosted elsewhere and linked to, but that isn't a problem either; many free hosts can be found.

Again, I offer my services or advise to any who ask. I may not be the best designer, nor a graphic genius like some, but I'm not bad. That and I am free. Can't really beat that can you?

Fate?

I stumbled upon something today- not life changing or altering or anything, just something I find interesting. As I was reading one of my daily blogs, I noticed its author was a Cancer. Cool, my husband is a Cancer! Isn't that weird?

Not really. But I decide to go and see what the signs are for my other favorite bloggers. And of the 7 blogs I frequent, four are Cancers. One is unknown, one is a Leo and one an Aquarius.

But four are Cancers. Isn't that weird?

In case you are wondering, I'm a Capricorn. So come on Fred- what's your sign?

Yoga? Check?

I called Body and Soul fitness and spoke with a nice lady who gave me two options to present to my doctor. She said I can see about joining prenatal yoga classes with another instructor in town, or I can get a gentle fitness yoga plan through B and S. It is up to my Dr to decide what is best and I will need a note and description of what he thinks I can do. She is also a PA at the hospital and encouraged me to tell Dr S about the way I was treated in physical therapy- or lack of treatment! So I am in a good mood about that.

The estimate on the car is over $1500. We should be receiving a check soon! Another reason to celebrate? Not that I can drive it anyway, I need new insurance since this is a different state. It is parked in back by the garage that we do not use- our landlords bought this home for the garage itself! Oddly, we don't have a problem with people parking in front of our house anymore. Not a prime spot now is it? Don't want to take my parking space since my car got trashed do you? We don't even park the pickup there any more; it goes in the driveway. Which is a pain because we live on a corner and the street our driveway is on is a one way street, and of course it spills out onto the street we face. Oh well. Going around the block may be inconvenient, but getting crashed into is more so.

I must leave now; Austin needs homeschooling.

Ugh!

I am actually starting to feel pregnant. My boobs are so sore! My back has been killing me every morning when I wake. Upper, lower, middle and hips... I feel as though I am falling apart. I did move to the couch this morning and I don't hurt so damn bad, not at all. But I don't wanna sleep on the couch this whole pregnancy! What we really need is a new bed. We just can't afford one right now.

I went to the local hospital's physical therapists, but they sent me home with a sheet of exercises that weren't working before I went and are not working now. I was in therapy in Laramie, at the bone and joint clinic not the hospital. They were so nice. I won't go back to GMC- they wouldn't treat me properly because my insurance was pending. Goddamn it, my doctor sent me to them for help and they wouldn't even touch me without insurance, so fuck them. I won't go back. I am going to tell Dr S, though. I didn't even get an eval! The other place was so thorough, too. One of the few good things about that terrible town. Ok so it wasn't so bad, but we weren't happy there and they were prejudiced towards Wyotech students and grads, like Chantz.

So for my back issues, I am going to call the yoga center and see if there is anything they can do. I will even get a doctors note if I have to! This is so ridiculous. Oh, and my insurance? Yeah, I have it now. And those prissy fucks can stuff it. My doctor is pretty important at that hospital. I hope he chews some ass!

The Commonly Confused Words Test

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Dream

This is sexy- I am in a room with Spike (from Buffy, duh) and some girls. Spike is making out with this chick; me and this other gal are like, vampires are so HOT! Only it is James Marsters as Spike- so he is pretending to be a vamp. The gal I am talking to got it on with him last night. I am impressed. She leans in to kiss me, but I notice this scarf on the wall and am really into it when Chantz comes in and says it is time to go. Damn! I wanted to get it on with Spike! But suddenly I am wearing only the scarf (large square) and a towel. I can't find the clothes I had on so I grab a skirt and top that do belong to me and put them on. I leave with C. He needs to take the work truck to get fixed; I need to follow in the car but would I take these people home first? As I make room in the car, it keeps expanding until it is the size of a 4 row van with a roomy trunk and rear space. There are blankets and stuff I need to move around that Ma left in the vehicle. Some stuff belongs to Alice (MIL). So these kids and 2 moms hop in. But I don't take them home, they want to sell candy to people. I take them to Ma's work, and she is actually there. I tell these people there is no soliciting here and to make it quick. So they give a religious tract with a bag of candy on it to Ma and we leave. I am mad. We wander around outside for a bit. There is this guy with us who was never in the van and he is leading us around. I don't really like him. He is big and imposing and strutful. The kind of guy that I like to piss off and stand up to; maybe he is a Scorpio. I don't like Scorpios and St. John is a Scorpio and a religious nut! We wander around outside for a while and then my alarm goes off. It was pretty cool while Spike was in it!

I had an even better dream earlier that I will post later. I have stuff to do now!

Dream

I got dressed in my black pants, black satiny maternity shirt and even put on my black socks I like so much. Then Chantz and I walked Rocksy to the hospital where I went to talk to a lady about a job. I told her I was looking for something occasional, maybe on call; I am pregnant and don't want to work to often. We went to the rest room for privacy where we found my baby gate on the floor. She said I shouldn't leave my stuff laying around. I said I didn't bring it, someone must have took it. Then it was ok. She pulled out some photos I had taken and started looking through them. Then I am on top of a hill in the winter time with Bruce who is a toddler with thick dark hair. He lays down the gate and rides down the hill on it. I follow until we meet Chantz at the bottom with the dog. Never do find out about the job or what was up with the photos.

Damn

I am not parking in the street any more. My car got wrecked and I didn't even go anywhere. Did she have to hit my driver's side door? Couldn't she have attacked my bumper or the fender? At least she has insurance. These roads are so icy. Wish we could sue the city, you know, just for kicks.

And we were just going to go to the store, too. It was 4 o'clock and Gilmore Girls just got over. I am so sad. My pretty pretty red car. My baby. And Chantz is in Fairview with Austin and I can't reach them on the cell. I left a message. Damn! Damn Damn Damn Damn.

Now I gotta find that registration card. Argh.


Hey, way off topic! Did you know that if you click on the time at the bottom of the post, and not on the comments, it will take you to a page that shows the comments under the post but within the blog and not on some pop up or alternate page that doesn't list the original post? Yeah, who'da thought!

Red again

I finally got off my ass and dyed my hair again. Carrot orange isn't a good look for me. I need to redye it every 6 to 8 weeks to keep it bright, dark red. Plus, my hair grows super fast! I use Garnier, %100 color and really like it. It is much cheaper than the salon, and I buy them a couple at a time. I am just so lazy... or tired... or busy... or...

Watched a weird movie called Camp this morning on Encore. Gilmore girls stared over (on the family channel). I have shopping list made and am waiting to go. The bills have been paid, ok not all of them, we are still behind from moving. My MDU (Mon-Dak Utilities) deposit is $400 bucks! My god! They will have to wait...

I need to get some hair stuff- I am tired of looking like a slob. I got a hair cut last Wednesday, but it is still frizzy. I think I want some more flannel pj's. They are comfy and I wear the pants all the time. I wonder if they come in black?

Blah

Thursday Ma came with Bill and Uncle Dave. We had a cured and smoked turkey, a traditional turkey and a ham. We had spuds, both mashed and sweet, squash, stuffing from a box, green bean casserole and sweet corn. A veggie snack tray with spinach dip, cheese and cracker trays with smoked cheddar, baby Swiss and havarti, candy, butterfluff rolls, 2 pumpkin pies, 1 Dutch apple and strawberry cheesecake (from a box). The other pies were baked from frozen, I made the trays with Tessa, Ma the casserole, squash was frozen, sweet potatoes were canned topped with marshmallows and the mashed potatoes were from a recipe I got off of Good Eats on food network. Yay Alton! They were a combo of 2 to 1 whites and reds with butter and this awesome milk-garlic stuff. (He uses heavy cream and stuff, I just used milk and it was fine, simmered with lots of garlic cloves while the potatoes cooked.) My god were they good! Then we watched Charlie and the chocolate factory. Oh, and Pepsi and mountain dew.

Friday Alice and Larry came over at five and we had dinner again! Without the cheese tray though; Chantz dumped it on the floor. Alice ate like it was her last meal- on the road they eat fast food, gas station food, and at a smorgasborg when they hit Conroe (sp). She was excited a bit. Chantz put a candle in her pumpkin pie; the 25th was her birthday. 39 again; and again, and again and again... Chantz doesn't know how old his mother is! He couldn't remember it was the 25th. Him and Larry just remember it is sometimes on Thanksgiving. Nice, huh?

Friday Tessa went to Pizza Hut with her friend and then she and Austin went to the light parade and roller skating! She spent the night at her friends and came home late Saturday night! She has fun...

Wednesday we had pizza because someone forgot to buy ANYTHING for dinner. We has all that food and not a damn thing we could eat!!

New template...

...for you to have, maybe. I might not be able to let go for long, so this may be a limited time offering.

A Season In Hell... {Click the stupid arrow thingies and the stupid geocities menu will go away, expanding the template, 'k?}

Been creating like crazy since I been off my meds. Is creativity linked to insanity? Dude, I'm not insane, just depressed and stuff. Don't take me literally now....

Good night, I am tired. It is so past my bedtime!

New Corpse

and it sucks ass.

Oh, and it might look familiar. I borrowed the middle part, that is mine, to create what you see up there.

channeling or whatever

Ma's been having a hard time, harder than usual. Since she's been home from New York she accidentally doubled up on her meds and she was already at maximum dose. She could have died, had a heart attack or something. What she did and is still suffering from are emotional outbursts. She's been written up at work for saying ass in front of clients (not the business kind, but the developmentally disabled kind. Yep, she spends all day taking care of the mentally and physically challenged then comes home to take care of Uncle Dave.) Ma lives with her husband Bill, her f-i-l Jason, her brother, 2 black lab mix dogs and 3 cats- Salem is one of them, :( Big plate. There is conflict at work because her brother is a client and she doesn't work directly with him but tells her coworkers when she thinks they are doing it wrong, as is her right!

Anyway, the girls know she is messed up from her meds and got writ' up anyway and has 3 mos probation so she has to behave. They are provoking her, the snobby bitches. G@D D@&M C#@%S! On purpose. Sidney women are- just don't get me started. I feel bad for her and I think how I have such good luck cuz when things get bad, they never get so bad as we can't handle it. The money comes, people are nice, I get an advance on my financial aid, etc. I start talking to Chantz' parents after 2 years and they offer him a job when no one else will .... Doesn't seem fair, Ma is so much more spiritual than us, why is someone looking out for us? Why do we have such good luck and her not so good? Then I think maybe this is her life with luck and that's all she gets, that's all that can be given. So I ask my Dad or God or whoever it is looking out for us, spontaneously, to give Ma our good luck for a month. She needs it. Maybe if she has a good month, she will pull out of depression enough to have a good 2 months on her own.

WHAT! What did I do? What if Tess or Austin get hit by a car I irrationally think. Wait a minute, if anything bad happens to my family it effects Ma, so we are ok. I worry, not to be selfish, we are just that lucky. I don't worry about fincances, it'll be ok for a month, but I worry about Chantz and the kids and the unborn baby. Then I get over it.

I tell my doctor about it at my appoinment because I've had a headache since we got back from Nebraska but it didn't become unbearable until after I gave Ma our luck; she gets migraines. I told him Tylenol doesn't work on this one and that I took Ibuprofen for the pain. He says that's ok for now. I told him I can't take it back and know what he said? Do you!?!

He says, "No, but you can take Ibuprofen for the next 30 days!" Shithead doctor with a sense of humor!

So I think I'm channeling. My hip pain didn't come back until I sat on the exam table and I have had an unexplained sore ankle for a week. I don't think it is my own bad luck I am getting. I think I am channeling Ma's and that's ok. Suffering for someone else makes the suffering like not suffering at all. I just ignore the pain and hope she is doing allright.

I have 26 days left.

Dream

We are wandering through this old house, me and 4 or 5 boys. We are exploring. The dream is boring up til the end, so details don't stick with me. Then 2 boys pass the lady of the house, and 6 or so strands of her blond hair falls out in a clump. The roots are grey. She looks at the boys and tells them that they are gay. They look at each other, say yeah we are, ok! And go make out. I've never seen them happier. They and the others go back to the carriage. We, the person I am with and myself, decide to make it a relationship ride. The two other boys have now also realized their homosexuality and are now happily embraced as well. It's quite cute. (I guess I should say early twenties when I refer to boys in this context. They just acted so very young before.) So the house is now part of the ride. We get this really "out there" black wearing rocker almost goth type with long black hair to join us. We hire him. So he starts to make the carriage totally outlandish and we start to recruit people to go on this relationship ride. This guy is really cool and crazy.

Then my husband rolls over and starts snoring again and I wake up.

The woman who lived in the house was spacey and was wearing a tradtional, ordinary, to the calf night gown with a yoked breast. That seemed important for some reason. No color pops out hear. Just the color of her hair- blonde.

Keep it short

I read in a teacher's blog about long blocks- classes that run an hour and a half rather than 45 minutes. Now I know it seems like such a short time to sqeeze so much info into, but maybe we should be concerned about quality over quantity. She said students have a hard time paying attention for so long. That says they are bored and not learning.

Take a tip from Charlotte Mason. She believed in short, 20 minute lessons. That if a child's brain shuts down in math to switch to science or reading or history or some such and vice versa. Our brains use different parts for different subjects because we learn different things differently. The brain isn't shut down completely. It's just bored stiff in that area. Or confused. Or overwhelmed. Switching and keeping it short will keep the brain stimulated and the kids will remember what they learned.

So you teach a 45 minute class? Or a *long block*? Your students getting bored? Try shifting gears in how you teach stuff- keep the subject the same, just switch the lesson or method halfway through. Just try it ok? "Millions of homeschooling mom's swear by it!"**

**Don't take this quote to the bank, I was just making it (the quote) up. It's a joke, ok? ;) Just a joke.


Check this out: Charlotte Mason's 20 Principles: A Synopsis of her Educational Method.

New template

Click here. I am done for the day. Gotta go frost cookies now.

Oh, there is a new look, too. Like it?

Dream

Our checkout date for the trailer is the 14th and we are going over there today to finish packing and clean up, inr also. But when I get there this morning, there are five or more cars parked out front and they are already inspecting the trailer. I am pretty worried because its a mess in there yet! I see AC wondering around, looking disgusted and maintenance guys working on it. So I go in to get started and I am wondering how they knew I was coming over today?

Now a young teen boy is there trying to impress some girls he invited over (is it Austin only older?) and he's being picked on by a man there supervising things. He is sorta good looking in an asshole kinda way with blond hair, thick longish and feathery. I don't like him. Austin and his male friends take off with some wood and stuff on a small flatbed and are heading over to the pit and are going to try to cover it up before it gets found. The man is following in another flatbed, but with out a truck pulling it. Austin gets some balls (figuratively, like he grows a pair) and starts throwing small pieces of wood at him, then for the first time in his life (this is not like rl at all!) really stands up to this guy and threatens his ass with a BIG piece. I'm impressed. The girls are impressed. I defend him saying something like I don't care what he does as longs as he does this to get such and such done. Don't remember the exact wording here, but it was severe.

-----------------------------

Girls manipulate boys thru distraction. 4 girls, 3 leave while one captures the attention of the group of guys. They get in a truck and the drivers has to be in on it to drive how they want. Girls cooking a steak, it is too rare, they stick their fingers IN IT and send it out anyway. Of course they get away with it and it doesn't get sent back, they're girls. (Not teens, a bit older and more experienced girls.) Then some stuff about driving techniques and buying insurance that actually effects the way the car handles that I don't understand and won't go into.

-----------------------------

Night time, shiny roads, wet like. West Towne street up by the hill, stretch starting 50 feet from the rail road tracks and ending there (by the 2 gas stations). Obstacle course laid out with bright lights shining on it and junk piles heaped up and a couple of white wooden small road blocks (shaped like those things people jump in high school track that always terrified me). Tessa is excited and running the course like its nothing, dodging this and that as fires start exploding all around her and she comes to the last road block and is stopped right there, she can't go on. I go and get her. I am supposed to take her to the hospital, where I am to get a neck film done, but first must pick up her old one (IRL, on Monday I have to take cousin Sherry to Sidney to get blood work done but first we must pick up her film from our local hospital and bring it with us). I am looking for a doctor we know to speed things along. It is the mom from the home improvement, she is a doctor on lifetime's strong medicine, a show which I've seen like 2 episodes of ever- and she gets the x-ray for us. She says that since Tessa is so small you could see it all on one film. It looked all twisty and weird as though she did acrobatics during the x-ray. The doc is concerned over Tessa's antics. It is she who stopped Tessa during the obstacle course. Now she is a different lady and is from the fire department. She sets up a mini scale model of the course. Tessa went to that part cuz it was windy and she liked it, but wind feeds fire and a train was coming. Lady pushes a train through and I notice it is a bit more ahead than it was for real (not irl), but oh well. The point is Tess would have been trapped by the wind and fire and the train. Tess starts to jump through the model train saying, I coulda** got out like this or done this or this*, as she maneuvers through it and part of it becomes a cage. Lady takes out the very small cage a puts a cute dog in it. He doesn't look happy but he is out of the sun. He pouts at me with his eyes.

*Tessa says shit like this in real life, hiding from the consequences of her actions. It doesn't occur to her in the dream that she couldn't have done those things if she was trapped by a MOVING train.

**BTW, she and Austin think the word coulda is an actual word. They don't believe it means could of.

IRL this morning the phone rang at 6:20 waking me. When I answered they hung up. Assholes. Anywho, these dream sequences ran like one dream and started after I fell asleep and woke up at 7:30 this morning. I'd have thought it ran for hours and hours!

Willy Wonka!

We just finished watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and boy do I have something to say. In every description of Depp's character, Wonka is juxtaposed with Michael Jackson. So, one idiot says this and all follow suit? Is there no original thought in this world at all?

Did you even see the movie?

Not only is Wonka not creepy, he is also not at all portrayed in any manner as a would be molester. When you put the words creepy and Micheal in a sentence together, that is just what comes to mind! Is Wonka a boy who never grew up and lives in a fantasy land and who indulges every whim and desire? Hell yeah. But that's not what you said. You used creepy and Micheal together.

Wonka doesn't like kids; they make him feel uncomfortable. He has been alone a very long time. Wonka suffered childhood trauma which makes him the boy he is today. He isn't creepy in the least! He has poor social skills, is a genius, and is a bit self centered. He has flaws. He has been hurt, and being around these children brings to the surface his buried childhood memories.

There is nothing Michealish about Depp's portrayal of this icon by Roald Dahl, not even their boyish adulthood. Wonka caters to his childish whims and markets them to children around the world, subverting parental control over children through indulgence in forbidden fruit, er, candy. Micheal, in contrast, caters to his childish whims in the manner of Elvis (in private), but markets himself to adults, not children, around the world. Public Micheal, as portrayed through his music for many years, was a strong sexual man .

Jesus people. Next time watch the movie. And leave your goddamn preconceptions home, in the toilet where they belong. I heard the same tripe as you, and was able to abandon it 5 minutes after meeting Willy Wonka as played by Johnny Depp. And I'm just a stay at home mom, for pete's sake!

Puppy issues

What the hell is wrong with my dog? After being outside for about an hour, I let her back in. We had to leave so we left her downstairs; the entry to my "dungeon" gated. We were only gone for an hour. She knocked down the gate, shit on my floor and on my bed!!! Again!!! She used to shit on the kids beds all the time when we first got her. We cured that by leaving the doors shut and making her spend most of her time outside. Now that we've moved this crap has started again. I don't know what to do. She should have gone while she was out, right? Last time she crapped on my bed, we cleaned it up, then my dumbass of a spouse left the door open and she peed on it. I soaked it with odor nutralizer pet cleaner and FLIPPED the mattress. So why is she still doing this? It is so damn gross! T he only thing I can think of was that:
A. There was food in her dish still, which she ate then had to poop
or
B. When she knocked down the gate she got into the big bag of food, ate and pooped.

But why? And how do I fix this? How do I help my puppy? She is a 6 mo old german shepard and she is driving me nuts with this behavior. I try to train her, but she still mouths and grabs stuff, and jumps and does other acts of naughty mischief. We NEVER give her people food, yet she is always trying to eat from the table. Or jump on top of it.

Her area, btw, just outside my space, is uncarpeted and large- she has 3 rooms to roam around! She can shit there if she needs to! I understand she is just a pup. But why the hell does it have to be on carpet or ON MY BED?

Please, I really need advice. Help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help us please, if you can.

Back in school

That's right! Tessa is back in public school. I just couldn't take it anymore. I love my baby girl, but all day every day Tessa and Austin and Bruce and Chantz and Rocksy was just too much! It just ain't natural I tell you! Luckily, this house is on the southside, just 4 blocks from Lincoln school. We didn't have to send her back to Jefferson! So yesterday we registered her and this morning was her first day back.

I think she will do well. I learned from homeschooling her how far behind in math she was and we were working on that. I told the folks at L that she has difficulty in math, is hesitant to speak up when confused, and when she gets overwhelmed, tends to just shut down. And that she doesn't know cursive yet. Tess did excellently in music, art and PE last year, great in reading, science and history (except critical thinking) and not so well in the math, but I never knew just how badly she was doing. Once I found out what the problem was, I realized that she needed to go back to public school. She can really benefit there.

I was impressed with the staff and teachers at L. They won't rush her, they will give her a week to adjust (unlike J!!!!!!) and don't really push cursive till second semester. They will keep an eye out on her math skills. Surprisingly, both elementary schools share a principal, music, art and PE teachers. District doesn't have as many kids as it used to and not much money. Both elems only go to fourth grade, her school is older than J, and the rooms are smaller. Her classroom is so cute; it has a loft for extra space. Computers are below the loft, and on it. I really hope she has a good day. The students were so friendly, and one little girl even gave her a hug! I told her to tell people that she was born here in Glendive and that she moved away for two years and that she went to kindergarten at J. Hopefully she will find some friends who live nearby. I miss my baby. It's like sending her to kindergarten all over again! She wanted me to stay, but I didn't. she can do it.

I just worry. She can be so sensitive. Her favorite class last year was the one where a group of kids talk about there feelings and make stuff. I told her I'd see about getting her into counseling again.

No more box springs!

We couldn't get the queen size box springs into the finished basement. This is an older home, remember. So we have ditched it; we plan on buying a new bed anyway. My goodness, my bed has never been so comfortable! That box spring was terrrible.

Of course we are sleeping with he mattress on the floor until we get a platform built, but that's ok. No one goes in our room anyway; it is safely tucked away in our dungeon, right next to the computer room. This used to be a little apartment. It is adorable! I've seen closets bigger than this "kitchen"!

Last night I dreampt that Chantz's snoring had something to do with us saving some people. I don't remember much, I am just glad that it only registered as a dream and didn't actually wake me. Did I really elbow him in the face to get him to quit? Or was that part of the dream? I'll ask him when he wakes. He didn't get back from Nebraska till late last night/early this morning and he is still sleeping.

We got it!

Yes! In the paper, there was a 4 bedroom house for rent. We went and looked and were totally hooked. We were number 6 on a list of 13 who were looking. So we filled out a credit application (turned in within a half hour!) and we waited! This was Saturday. Sunday passed. Monday came. I waited for them to call, surely the creditors had been contacted by now! I called. Machine. I didn't leave a message. I called again later to see if it had been rented. She said no, and that we seemed the most interested but she hadn't gotten hold of our previous landlord, RealEstate 1. I told her they don't open till 9 and they're closed from noon to one. It was about 4:30. She said she would try again and to call back in the morning.

So I felt a little better. I was a wreck all day. We have to get out of this trailer. It has mice that die in my hallway and spiders that don't go away and leaking faucets that drip down the tub and onto the floor and we think there may be mold. I was spizazzing (Spazzing times 10) all day!

She called back at 4:55. I see the time on my caller id. We got the house! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! And we can have our puppy Rocksy! We go in at 11 to pay and sign the papers. Now the only problem I have is our current landlord. But due to the problems we are having and that we are going to have another baby, I am going to fight. I am much more eloquent (ha!) in writing than in person, so at 5 this morning I wrote a letter in my head while trying to back to sleep. I had to get up with the dog and with Bruce, so I wrote it out. I usually can remember things that I write in my head, but I was afraid I would forget it all. Now it is typed, I need to get the printer hooked up, then I am going to mail it. I really don't want to talk to them in person. I wonder, though, if they are going to give us our $400 deposit back.

People here think that $450/month is a lot here. But after paying $650 for a teensy apartment, this is nothing. We would have paid five. (Plus they want the last months rent. Again, this is not new to us after living in Laramie!)

I admit I prayed.

New Corpse!

I was being experimental on this one- and they liked it! YAY! BTW, mine is the 3rd panel. Yup, that's mine, the one with the superimposed dragon. The dragon actually came from Spectrum Glass. Boy was it fun to make.

Try it out!


Later!

Bruce update--- "awww..." :)

Bruce has another tooth! This makes 3. His first two came in at the same time on the tenth; bottom front. This newest one, discovered yesterday, came in on the top right side- not front. And boy is it sharp!

He is so big! Tonight he grabbed Rocksy's squeeky toy, crawled over to her, and gave it to her! And he kept doing it and chasing her and trying to play with her. Then she was chewing her bone and Bruce kept trying to get it. He succeeded and proceeded to eat it! Yuck! He is so smart! He even flipped the top open on my evian bottle!

He is into everything. He likes chex mix, but not the cereal- he likes the little chips and pretzels and swivelly things. He gives big wet kisses, too. The other day he crept to my face, with open mouth, dropped to my lips and licked me! And licked me some more! Eww- so I turned my head and he was getting my cheek. As I kept moving my mouth away, he started getting mad at me. Then I realized he wasn't trying to kiss me, he was trying to steal my gum! Sometimes instead of grabbing food with his hands, he uses his mouth and that is what he was doing. He copies us when he sees us chewing food and goes for it. "I want some too!" is what he tries to say. And he wanted my bright green, sugar free gum.

He is so precious!

Crabs at the Rainbow?

We went to Wibaux, MT last night for supper. And this is what our server's TShirt said: "I got crabs at the Rainbow Club" and it had a pic of a sexy girl with crabs crawling toward her.

Would you like me to explain? Ok, the name of the restaurant was the Rainbow, and Wednesday's are all you can eat crab. Which is why we went! That shirt was awesome.

God did I stuff my self on monstrous crab legs. God it was so good! And Chantz had a blackened ribeye with a twice baked, Austin had applewood smoked ribs (Kevin smokes his own ribs!!!) with a baked, and Tessa had steak strips (she said mine are better, what a lovely girl) and a baked. And bruce, he had a bunch of crackers and my twice baked. I left all room for the crab, baby. No salad either! Although I did have some cottage cheese topped with bacon bits and cheddar cheese. OMG! So good!

After being sick all week with Morning sickness, it was so nice to eat something for once! I even drank a squirt!

Tessa, however, didn't feel good soon after and spent the night throwing up. She thinks she ate to much. I think it might have been the ice in her pop. Don't drink Wibaux water. Ever.

The Rainbow has the best food in like a hundred mile radius. This is the midwest people, there isn't much within that radius but a bunch of small towns and some smaller towns. Wibaux is one of the smaller towns. God they have good food. We even drove there from Bismarck once! (Check that at mapquest people!)

Vampires

Vampires. I love vampires. Books, movies, tv shows, you name it! I like 'em. If a vampire were to walk into my home, I'd be like, take me now!

Ok, ok. Sounds a bit silly. But why has someone who is so in love with vampires never seen Bram Stoker's Drakula until last night? I really let my (youthful) distaste for Winona stop me from watching a vampire movie? Bad girl. Bad.

And it's a love story! She really loved him. Awww...

But, I am terrified of scary movies! I have nightmares. I am scared of the man under the bed. The Ring still frightens me. But I love vampire stuff and it doesn't frighten me.

So I have finally come up with a way to still my waking fears. I just think to myself, WWBD. That's right- "What would Buffy do?" Hell yeah, she'd say something witty, like "Are you having a bad hair day?" And wack! She'd kick her ass and pop off her head.

So when I'm afraid, I just imagine I am Buffy, and all is better.

Now I know she is not a vamp, but who better to kick psycho/ghost/demonic ass than the gal who is tougher than all vamps and demons ever created? Ever? Duh!

That and she got to #### Spike.

Raarrr!

I found it!

Finally, I found my homeschooling books! Their box was mixed in with the boxes that are going to storage! Amazingly, I was able to get many of the books from Ambleside at the library. Way cool. Now I just need to buy a new math book. I don't like the one we have. I found one that teaches multiplication through word problems, so that the kids comprehend what multiplying is, not just memorizing a times table. Example: You have 5 cups in a row, and you have 4 rows. How many cups do you have?

I think that will work. And I had to suspend all computer/Xbox use, and limited TV to one to two hrs a day. They think way too fast to have any patience with being read to. Austin, especially! But he is still young yet, and we will just have to change the way his little brain operates.

This is going to take a while.

Later.

Morning, noon and night sickness

Why can't this, my fourth pregnancy, be like my first two? You know, perfect beyond belief without one ounce of morning sickness? I feel terrible all the time! And I could sleep 18 hours a day! I can't, but god I wish I could! And no matter what I seem to eat, nothing makes my tummy feel better, not even saltines and gingerale!

Until now. I made peach crisp this morning, quite simple actually. Just two cans of peaches in heavy syrup in a small baking dish topped with crumblies (2/3 biscuit mix and 2/3 brown sugar, 4 T cold butter and 1 tsp cinnamin, cut together). Anyway, I cooked it too long, 15 minutes at 400F, when 10 minutes would have been fine, so it is more like a peach pie than a crisp. Anywho, not only is it so incredibly delicious, OMG, but it made my tummy feel better!

I'll never eat plain peaches again.

I want my mommy!

I have a cold and am super sensitive to sound today. The kids were very loud. Very loud.

Tessa was pulled from public school today. I will homeschool her, too. She was far behind the rest of her class and was being pestered by her teacher. I swear, does she even read these notes she sends home? Come on, it's only 3rd grade! Anyway, since she has switched schools every year since kindergarten, and we are not staying in Glendive forever, this is for the best. Hopefully by junior high we will be settled down and she can go back.

I was going to have her wait it out for a month, but when I told Chantz how her first 3 days were, he said "Just homeschool her!" We have short fuses with the PS system cuz of all the stuff we went through with Austin (ironically, this is the same school she went to for kindergarten). Tessa came home the 3rd day begging to be homeschooled. Poor girl.

So, most of my supplies are packed and I cannot find them! We were going to make cookies today, and the weather was perfect, nice and rainy, but I feel so terrible! And I would have had to clean the kitchen...

So yeah, today was a flop. But I did get many errands done, including a meeting with the Superintendent! Did I mention Austin has been off his pills for a few days (like, a week or so *cringe*) and he is driving me NUTS! I just keep telling myself, he's not on his pills, he's not on his pills... Thank god he took them today... thank god!

So, it's rainy, I am sick, Chantz is in Nebraska, and I am home alone with 3 kids and a dog. Bored kids and bored dog.

Today sucked.

Now Austin is sick. Aw, darn. Tomorrow he will be to tired to scream and have a fit! Yes! Now if Tessa could get it, too... (but not the baby or the puppy!)

I'm kidding. God!


P.S. Rocksy's first rainfall. She pooped on the floor. Must say she did not like the down pour much.

I'm going to bed. Shit, I gotta wash the dishes; Chantz'll be home in the morning. Damn.

Damn.
Damn.
Damn.

I don' wanna.

What people are searching for when they find me!

This is what I got off of statcounter, when I looked to see where my visitors come from. Someone searched for this:

Dawn Marie Dawn Marie redhead housewife mom naked nude and not wrestling

Ok, my name is Dawn Marie, I am a red head (unnatural), I am a mom, and a housewife, but I certainly am not naked! Geez!

And what is UP with the wrestling?

And this:

Tessa Everquest, which brought up this page. Dawn Marie Dream, this page. Deed of Paksonarrion, (really good book, btw!) this page.

But most people come from blogspot or other blog sites, and that is cool with me. Now, if they would just post a comment now and then...

Bitching

New corpse; mine is panel 2. Did you see the seam underneath mine? Did you? Argh... I get so mad. There was this other corpse that caused extreme controversy.. there was a seam but the colors matched and it was individual.. it did not try to carry on the "theme" and some players had the audacity to demand it be removed! They said it was a "fresh prince," although a f.p. is when you stick a completely unrelated picture with no attempt at creativity. Idiots. There are players who have done many corpses, who still cannot perform without creating a goddamn seam... hello people, when you get your slice, DO NOT BLEND ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP! Really, that is so much worse, and makes the piece look awful. But unlike those players over at exquisite corpse, I will not comment that negatively on site! It is rude and mean. I will vent in the privacy of my blog!

And you have no idea what I am yammering on about, but today this post is about me.

So there!

So for my next corpse, I am not going to worry about carrying the top picture through. My last one completely lacked my personality and creativity. This next one is about the creation, about what I want to make. I am still a bit rebellious, I guess. I love to stir things up. There is no seam, but I am not going to cater to anybody. I will follow the rules of the game, and not that of a few nit picky players.

Don't get me wrong, corpsing is fun, it is just once in a while there are some self-righteous prigs who believe they need to put down the work and the personal websites of other players!

But only once in a while.

So, come corpse with us!

News

We are finally done moving, after 3 trips from Laramie to Glendive; about 550 miles ONE WAY. I am so sick of traveling! Now we have to unload, uck! the trailer. I won't be getting internet for a few days yet. I am at the library, and will update more later about our excursions.

*sigh*

Upper levels of hell are better that lower levels, right? right?


Oh yeah, and somebody had 2 postitive pregnancy tests. That pretty much seals it doesn't it?

Later!

So damn pissed

I am so damn pissed at Bush right now, and I am not one to get into politics. But come on Democrats! Can't you do something to get this asshole out of office? Shit, the Rebulicans did everything they could to impeach Clinton, the best president we had in decades, just, IMO, to discredit the democrats and get another republican president! Can't we do something other that sit back and watch Bush sink himself so low, that no sane American would ever vote Republican again?

And can't the gov't in New Orleans prevent the city from becoming a New Las Vegas? Hello- look at how New York was cleaned up- Z-O-N-I-N-G. Do not allow the poor areas belonging to those wretched people who have no other choice but to sell their property be rezoned for Casinos! Duh. New Orleans charm comes from its rich history. You want to help those people? Help them restore it! And damnit! Do not let the entire city be razed for pete's sake!

I am so mad! I feel so impotent and I am here in the north, worrying about finding a place to live... it seems so petty now. Everything seems so petty. I can't even invite the "wretched poor" to come live in eastern Montana; all the houses have been taken by roughnecks. You know, due to the oilboom we are now in.

The irony.

But jobs are in plenty, we need lots of cashiers and maids and other minimum wage positions, as well as the highpaying oilfield jobs.


I'm done now. Really, I am.

'damn...

This is something I just had to quote:


"Here, then, is the new American motto, as reimagined by BushCo: Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, and we'll let them die in a filthy and decrepit storm-ravaged American football stadium while our president languishes on vacation and ponders his oil futures and fondly remembers his good ol' days of getting drunk at Mardi Gras before going AWOL from the military. God bless America. "


'damn.

My son is a player!

My son, my ten year old son, is a little perv. We are coming up with ideas for a name for a dog. Here is the top 8 list (by Austin and Tessa):

1. SexyThang
2. StarFire (Teen Titans)
3. Thanginator (like "sexy thanginator")
4. Raven (Teen Titans)
5. Chick
6. Fang
7. Mystic
8. Foxy

Now that I have noticed that there is a pattern to this list, they get all riled up. And I hear Austin gigling telling his sister what kind of chick-magnet car he's gonna have when he's a teenager. He says when he's a teenager he's going to like girls and be handsome, strong and going to get the prettiest girl ever! And if he finds someone even cuter, he's going to "ditch" her for the next girl.

Think that's bad?

Then he's going to have a baby (he is still ignorant of the birds and bees) to attract girls, because they will think he is so cute raising an adorable baby by hisself! EDIT:***Austin now told me he meant he would borrow a baby to attract girls. Phew! I almost thought my baby was going to be a pig!***

Oh my god!

Thank God he was just being silly.

But I am going to have to watch him when he becomes a teenager. Thank god I have three years.

BTW, still no luck finding a place to live. Ma's in the ER due to a Migraine. And Chantz and folks will be leaving Texas tomorrow! YAY!

Not that we'll get to see him; we are leaving for home tomorrow, they will be coming here. I am going to get that "house" packed up, so we can go when he says GO!

Later.

What a waste of time!

So I went to Sidney and waited and waited and waited. And finally, after being told I could go look tomorrow, I convinced ma and Bill to take me out there. $700 for a teeny run down house? With no garage or anything? Whatever.


I was supposed to meet with the realtor today in Glendive, but didn't for this stupid waste of my time. I was hoping to leave tomorrow. Hello, I can't leave until I find a place, or this has just been a total waste of my time and money. And to top it all, the retards, yes I said it, out here in the Midwest, know NOTHING of the importance of TIME. If you advertise something, you better be ready to show it, rent it or sell it, damn it! I swear they dilly dally just to f#ck with people; because they can -(and because they are alcoholic assholes... come on, have you been to this waste, err, area? What else is there to do? Go to AA meetings? Create a meth lab?)


Tomorrow I'll call the real estate office and see if they are open and if they found anything for me. I called ahead so I would hope that they are prepared! Then I will call A.C. and see if he found out anything about that trailer. I also just checked the online classified ads for the local newspapers of Sidney and Glendive and have some numbers to call. BTW, S and H are about 50 miles apart. Sidney is 125 miles from Baker, MT. That's how bad it is.


Oh and Ma and Bill want us to live someplace convenient for them!! I need to find a place that is good for Chantz' job and, well, available!


And!!! Now Chantz and his folks won't be leaving Texas until Tuesday!


I should just go home.


No! Fight! Fight! Fight! I will find a place to live for me and my family damn it!


I will, I will, I will.

Baker

Oh, yeah, my hubby, the diesal mechanic, got a job driving truck for his parents in Baker MT. That is why I am here!

To Sidney, again!

I am in Sidney, MT waiting to look at a farmhouse out in the country. Laramie is 10 hrs away!

First, we drove about 4.5 hrs before we needed to stop for gas, and dummie me missed the exit for town! A few miles later I say a big sign that says "Fuel!" So I exit the interstate and drive around this loopy road to see this beautiful lake. I fuel up and then pump the damn employees for information, like where am I? What is this place? (HUH???) Ok, is this a campsite? (YES) How much is it? ($12) What kind of stuff do you have? (a bathhouse, pool, laundry, playground, cafe {which served: burgers, chz burgers, bacon chz burgers, dbl chz burgers, hotdogs and fries, no shit})

We went camping. Did I mention I only had a kids tent? Travelling with oneadult, moi, and three kids? Yeah.

Last night we stayed in a motel in Glendive, MT.

No more camping!

So I got a paper in Miles City and stopped at the best store in the world, Wal-Mart, as if I have to say!! and called every number in the rentals section. I found one house that may become vacant.

One hour later, in Glendive, I tried my luck with the Ranger Review. Five houses, all rented already!! Then I got a hold of A.C., the man who owns many propertoes in the town. He had a few units available could I come by tomorrow? 8:11 am, in his office. One small trailer, almost exactly like the one I live in, yes, I am trailer trash! except it isn't as wide. Sorry, won't work. The 3 bedroom might be rented, he won't know until tomorrow, since he's been fishing all week. { In a cabin, not a tent. } In a few weeks he'll own a 3 bedroom house maybe...

So I go back to the motel and call Chantz, who is still in Texas, but with a cell phone so its a local call. He tells me I need to call Bill. Damn. Thats my step dad who is mad because I didn't clear this rad trip with himand ma, although I told them I was coming, I just came a few days early, with no intentions at all of staying with them! OK? Anyway, I call and he found a house in the country...

Sin City

Wow!

That's all I can say.

Wow...



That and a crazy cat almost burst through my door a few minutes ago...



Damn latch.

Courting rituals of faeries

I think that faeries' clothing is always tattered because they are remnants of fabric; scraps torn from a dress hanging on a thorn bush, wisps of a negligee, stolen from a young maid's room and fought over by the faeries until torn to little bits and then sewn here and there to compliment their beauty... it is courting season now and suddenly frilly pieces of lace, grandma's antique doily and your daughter's ribbons are missing and cannot be found.

Faeries court in the fall I think, not in the spring, and prefer earthy tones, which compliments their coloring and helps them to blend in. Oh, not to hide from humans, of course, their magic can do that, but as part of the courting ritual, silly! Everyone knows a faery must play hard to get! And what better way to do that than to blend in? (Remember, fairy magic doesn't work on other faeries!)

And where did your husband's deep red handkerchief run off to? Why, it is the new silk blouse sported by at least four male fairies, all getting ready for the hunt, um female hunt that is! Their shirts are not as tattered I think, for they worked together to steal that hanky right out from your nose, to be daring of course... to impress the ladies later on, and they simply split it in fours quite neatly.

This, I must confess, is done also to impress the ladies... little she faeries do not like their men to be anything but impeccably neat and tidy! It is the females job to rumple them up! Every one knows that! That is why I think that he faeries are better sewers than the females; they take much more pride in their looks in hopes to entice the ladies.

Don't get me wrong, our tiny girl faeries take pride as well, even more so if I must say, but they know how much more attractive they appear in torn and tattered clothes, and it may look like they were fighting over that negligee, but that was carefully planned and staged! Boy faeries must feel that they are being fought over; that the girls would fight to the death for them! Oh, I laugh at their folly. She faeries are bestest of friends and no boy could ever pull them apart.

They just know how to play the game.


Do you?

Everything

Oh my god! Has it really been a month? And what a hellish month has it been! Why is it that when we owe money, businesses demand quick and immediate payment, but when they owe us money, we gotta wait? I had to shell out 1st and last months rent plus an excruciating deposit RIGHT away on my old dung heep, but they get to wait 30 days before returning my deposit!!!!!

I was a naughty girl and bounced a check at Albertson's and they took the $30 fee out of my account, without notifying me, TWICE! Yes, that is $60! Now for their part, I will admit that it was not they who handle bounced checks, but a 3rd party company. Since they took the money out of my account, more checks bounced! Do you think they should pay me back the bank fees? I sure do!

Homeschooling is actually going very well so far. Austin is getting so much better at reading. He can read big words like demonstrated and wastebasket, but small words (sight words) totally confuse him. Plus sometimes he reads way to fast and confuses the words, or even starts making stuff up! He is only ten.

Speaking of ten, he just had a birthday and with his b-day money he bought the expansion to roller coaster tycoon 3, Soaked. Now he can make water rides! My grandma had missed Tessa's birthday in June so she sent them both some money. Do you know what Tess bought? A My Scene Barbie Doll that has removable heads!!! It came with 3 heads! Can you believe it? I looked it up, it is called My Scene Swappin' Styles Madison. She doesn't go for blond bombshell barbie, she likes the girls with dark skin and hair.

I have a new corpse up, mine is the last panel entitled "Self portrait." I have been selected to participate in a new one and I am working on it!

Chantz got job, but I ain't telling where yet...

Gross!!

Oh my god, there is something seriously wrong with my husband. He just told me I couldn't "get any" until tomorrow, I already had mine for the month-!! THEN he said "you can say 'yay! its layday!'"

MEN!!!! I tell you what, I think men are colder than women... god!

or just lazy...(er)


you really wanted to know that didn't you!!!

This is the gross part. On Iron Chef America, not the original, we just saw 2 different chefs LICK THEIR FINGERS!!!! You never, ever see them do that on the Asian show!!!!! Gross!!!!!!!!!!!

PT and more stuff

I missed my PT appointment on Tuesday. I am not really surprised. Finding out that Grandma Betty died so suddenly really threw me. She lives in New York with the rest of my family and I am here in Wyoming. The funeral is tomorrow; she will be at the same place my Grandma Laura is.

She's my ex-stepfather's mother so I still have 1 grandma left. Don't get me wrong, John was my step dad for about 14 years, starting when I was four. So Grandma Betty was my grandma. We were not so close after I "grew up", mostly cuz I suck at corresponding.

I hardly ever communicated with my father either, although we both had each other's email adresses. He's gone now, too. My grandparents, both alive, moved their plots so they could be next to him. Ok, too much for me now. I gotta go.

Gifts for you

Here is a blog template that I made. If you need help setting it up with blogger, just lemme know.

I have a few more similar to this one that I will be putting up at a later time. Enjoy!

Now I have also added my tutorials I have been making over the last few years, but never seem to post. I have wallpaper as well, but I need to zip them and GOD am I lazy. So don't count on it, unless you are nice to me!

"Changes in Flight"

My first corpse!

OK, that sounds a bit morbid, but it is from anexquisitecorpse.net. We get 15 pixels from the previous panel to work with and create our own panel. This is done four times. Mine is the 3rd panel and is called "Changes in Flight."

not good news

my grandma died.

thank gawd!!

We found a two bedroom trailer for $300 a month! That is less than half of what we are paying for this apartment. It has a yard! No one lives downstairs so the kids can stomp their feet! It's $300! A year lease? Know how easy that will be to sublease??? ... just in case Chantz gets a kick-ass job soon...

ahh... sigh of relief... we will not be homeless when our lease expires!! The best part, aside from being only $300!!! is that we begin renting on the first of August, but still have this craphole until the 15th. I am SO getting my $650 deposit back!!! I will have time to clean and pack and move and arrange crap how we want over and over til it is perfect! We are putting some stuff in storage cuz we have a lot of crap. According to the ol' man, he-he, we can get a storage unit for about $30 a month.

YAY!

I am tired. Gotta go, yes so abruptly. It was C's b-day today and we actually had enough money to buy some food (I had to put a $300 deposit on the trailer house and that left us $60 to spend until the first). Life's been harder. happy time happy time happy time!

later.

ps I love buffy esp spike! and gilmore girls and smallville and FIREFLY!!! and stargate SG1! and atlantis and battlestar galactica and all startreks, I love SPIKE TV and sci-fi and tripping the rift and going to bed. oh and of course CSI- Vegas baby!

g'nigh'!

Tuesday morning, sure it ain't Monday?

I feel like crap. Just woke up and I feel like a dozer spent the night on my back.

Let's see now, I have had a very busy two weeks. First, poopy Schlumberger did not give Chantz a job- that was a waste of 6 weeks. That's the time we had to wait for a second interview and not accepting other jobs. He has mailed out 4 other resumes, too bad there is a typo- the phone # is wrong. Hey, but the address and email are correct!


I went back to work as a maid at the Super 8. I am now in physical therapy and have quit my job. working aggravated a pregnancy related back injury nice, huh? Having 3 babies and 2 c-sections (yeah, and a v-back in the middle!!!) is not so easy on a Mama's back. Now I have to do exercises to strengthen my tummy and lower back and go to PT. The doctor at the bone and joint clinic was like, "it shouldn't hurt you to go back to work, just don't do any heavy lifting!" OK! My back did not hurt until I started working. Usually it worsened 2 or 3 hours after I got home. But after my appointment I was hurting immediately- I couldn't even strip beds without being in pain. So I quit. Now we have no source of income.

Times have been worse. I think... Hey, ever seen the episode of 30 days where they live on minimum wage? Yeah, life sucks, but "it sucks equally hard for everyone." That is what my psych teacher taught in his class...

Our lease ends Aug 15th and there is no way in hell we are renewing the damn thing. I don't wanna live in this overpriced teeny apartment another year. We can't afford it! The rent is going up, too!!!!! This town is insane! All of Wyoming is insane!! What little housing there is is so g@#darned expensive no one can afford to live here! People are living in hotels in Gillette! Wyotech contacted Chantz last night and he had them add Colorado to his job search. They send him job openings and he sends resumes.

I gotta go, lots of stuff to do today. And my baby Bruce is awake!! He is so adorable!!!