Deactivated

I'm tired of the political bullshit. I thought it would end with the election,but it hasn't. Join a real cause or do something useful with y'alls time, but stop posting meme after meme of anti whateveryoudon'tbelieve in. Maybe this school shooting bullshit will die down by Christmas. I'm fixin to wait this one out. Facebook just isn't fun anymore.

Uh oh I'm blogging! You know it's bad!

I feel like poo inside. Sad, bummed, depressed andfor once I know prezactly why. I hate working as a cashier at Kohl's this time of year. It's busy like walmart or a grocery store: non stop checking people out. And I hate it. We got a new manager, so I didn't get to go to shoes. And I'm not familiar with her and well.... I flaked on myself. I'm weak!
I just couldn't tell them how I feel and what I want and the sad part is they do this on purpose. Matilda called me out and said she got anemail that I was leaving. I said yes. And she fucking said no. Pshh as if she has any say in the matter. But if they're going to create an environment where I can't freely speak my mind and I stay, Ima be miserable. It's like they suck the decisiveness out of me. I need to leave and I'm planning my escape.
And this time, I'm not going to cave. I can't live my life to make other people happy. I really can't explain what happens when I try to talk to them. I think they are just very good at getting what they want.
I have to face this. I just don't know how. I need.to quit qnd I need Saturday off.
They have me scheduled on days that I need to work at the other job.... The clients have been waiting for someone for so long that they might lose them if I don't start. I'm trying to do the right thing and its making me sick. I want to tell them to take a flying leap and never go back. Just being there with all those people hurts me. But to do so is irresponsible. Then I feel guilty like I'm just running away. And what about the clients who really need a care giver asap?
Holy fuck just somebody tell me what to do. And by that I mean tell me it's ok to drop Kohl's and how I should do that. I'm miserable.

New Direction

Making a big life change: I'm changing my career! I admit I am a little apprehensive, but I needn't be. I've done this before and I liked it. I filled out my app, had an interview of sorts, and an offer was made. A good offer. We're waiting on my background check and then we'll know for sure.
No more retail! I'll be helping people! Home health care is a completely different direction, but it is something I am very familiar with. Not only have I done it before, but Ma did it while I was growing up.
They said they can load on the hours if I want. I'm very excited. This opportunity fell in my lap- an employee bought some clothes at Kohl's and gave me their card. I knew I had to jump on this. When opportunity knocks, ge up and answer the damn door!
Wish me luck!

Phooooooh

I really can't deal with the van's transmissions issues right now. I love the van and I feel it's worth fixing, however, I can't drive it like it is and I'm not going to wait for months and months while it just sits there. The alternatives are taking it back to the guy we bought it from and either getting option b (a dodge cavaran with some serious interior issues like missing door panels and windows that won't stay up on there own) or getting our money back. IDk which option to choose. If I had specifics I could make a decision. So here we go: I am so happy and grateful that if we decide to fix the van, we will be able to get it fixed quickly, efficiently, accurately and affordably with minimal inconvenience to all involved. If we decide to go with option B, the caravan, I am so happy and grateful that the interior issues will be fixed quickly, efficiently, accurately and affordably with no minimal inconvenience. And if it's option c, I am so happy and grateful we will ge a full refund right away without any hassle and that we find a reliable vehicle that's affordable and without any glitches right away.

Crisis of Faith

I've been discussing how sickened I am buy consumerism- how we are pushed by companies to consume consume consume!!! And buy as much as possible for the holidays. Don't miss this sale!!! On black Friday I spent $80 and SOMEONE had to call me out on it. Let's put things into perspective, shall we? The store I worked at made over $300,000 in sales (and still didn't make their day.) That is just one store, in one community. Can you imagine, with all the events going on that day through today (Cyber Monday), how much money one community made in sales? Staggering, isn't it?
We sure love our stuff. Yet there are a lot of things we complain about. Like giving and sharing and paying taxes, especially when those taxes go to helping those who are less fortunate. We have people sleeping in tents- if they're lucky- in the woods in Conroe, TX. I know exactly how bad the homeless problem is in this town and how very little help their is oit there to help people get back on their feet. Don't for one second think that these people are lazy or crazy bag ladies or drunken hobos like the media portrays them. They are like you and I, normal people falen on hard times. They spend their mornings at day labor hoping to get called out for manual labor- $50/day.
I was astounded when I saw our sales for Black Friday. Can you imagine how much money could be raised to help a community if a charity fundraising event had the same turn out as Black Friday and everyone donated $20?! Let me tell you, people spent hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars to fill their homes and lives with things. Ridiculous things.
I think of Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror while I write this. When was the last time I donated to charity? The one Sevenly shirt I bought for Tessa? I am having a crisis of faith. My job is meaningless and I sell meaningless junk to people with wallets full of credit cards. I am promoting greed with every transaction so I can have money to buy presents for my family??? I've gotten then shoes, socks, underwear and clothes. But I still want to get them toys and electronics and candy just to see them happy.
I need to change my ways. I need to make a change and soon, in my heart and my mind, before it drives me insane.

Thankfulness

I am thankful for everyone of life's blessings and lessons. I am thankful for David and Daddy and all of David Hulon's family. And I am thankful for all of my friends, including the ones I've ticked off or offended with my big mouth, for understanding that life is a journey, and we all make mistakes and learn and grow, in our own way and time. I am thankful for realizing what is important, to live a meaningful life and focusing on what is important. Worrying about buying things for the kids wasn't living in the now and won't make Christmas any better. A magical Christmas comes from the environment we create, not by how many presents are under the tree. Working for money to buy gifts was the wrong path. Working to provide for my family is the only way to go. The gift list is getting tweaked- And will focus on each individual's needs.

Stupid job

I got into a little spat with another cashier when she wouldn't take my check and wanted all my info. I'd never had anyone say anything before. Anyway, the supervisor intervened and today I had to get talked to. AND instead of comong to me, other cashiers been talking behind my back, saying I get an attitude with them. Oh really? It's ok for them to get an attitude with me, though? I figure I'm just too direct. Whatthefuck ever.

Thanksgiving

Well, Happy Thanksgiving. The neighbors are partying and racing horses up and down our driveway. The music they're thumping is BEYOND loud but David is friends with them and doesn't want to call. People don't realize they can call it in before 10 pm.
We had a good time at his aunt's house and watched the Texan's game. We didn't go to his brother's, though, because I'm tired and didn't really wanna see some of the people who were gonna be there.
He kept his promise and left when I wanted to leave, didn't get cocky with me and paid attention to where I was and what I was doing. I had a talk with him and let him know the things that bother me. He won't know if I don't tell him, right? I also tried to be nicer, and I left when I started getting cranky and tired.
Honestly thinking about hitting walmart tonight just because I can and I never have (black friday). Ok ok tbh the neighbor's noise bothers me so much I want to run away. They did turn it down a lot.
On a more tmi type personal note, I'm still constipated. Used to write whatever the fuck I wanted on my blog and I think it's funny how sensitive many of my fb friends are and their over reactions to topics such as constipation and sex. Young people around here these days are such prudes. I love my "old" friends. No filters! No "omg tmi!" Rude and crude, just like I like them!!!
Laters!!