July 05, 2007

Where Am I?

Dear Dawn,
Here is your AstroSlam
for Wednesday, July 4:


You're perfectly capable of entertaining yourself. Really, friendship and love are totally overrated -- and you know it. A lifetime of solitaire and word-search puzzles suits you just fine.


That is so much closer to the truth than anyone knows, I think. I am going to Houston today to register for classes at DeVry. I didn't sleep well last night and I am going to be so tired by this afternoon. I am up very early so I can do this and get everything done on time. Funny that I am here instead!

We didn't go to a fireworks display; we had our own. I was a brat though, and came inside with Brandy, who didn't like it much, because it isn't fun for me to run around and watch the babies while everyone else has a good time. C and his mom watched the kids and let the fireworks off and had a good time without me. I heard about it later, though.

I am tired of being a mom who never gets out or has any fun. It just reminds me of when Austin and Tessa were little and I had to give up everything for them. No one here wants to hear this shit though, so I get to use my blog for what it was originally intended... an outlet for my angst. LOL "Angst" I like that word... makes me sound so... you know.

Sometimes I wonder where my fiery spirit went. Is it hidden?

Or lost forever?

10 comments:

McBunni said...

Mommies do NOT have to give up everything just because they're mommies!

You know, cuz I'm so schooled in the matter with my zero kids and all.....

....but seriously! Sit 'em down with some quiet toys while you enjoy the BBQ. Get them into what you're into so y'all can all have fun together!

I'm sure you've already thought of these things. Don't get down...you'll figure out your rhythm. :)

ZoeyBella said...

Good luck with DeVry classes. I'm sure you'll do very well.

And don't miss out on your sleep if you can help it. Sleep is sacred!!

Zanthera Degore said...

mcbunny has to try to babysit a bunch of kids. Sit down and be quiet? That's a riot.

DeVry sounds like fun. Wishing you success in that department!! :D

Anonymous said...

I think it's time for you to buy an airplane ticket and go on a cross country trip. By yerself. Leave C at home, he can call his mommy if someone craps their pants

Candace said...

Yes, that's a GREAT idea! You go off for a good Lavender-time alone, and C can get mumsie to help out with the kids!

:)

No, that spirit of yours has not gone forever. How could it? It's part of you!

Margaret said...

I feel the same way most of the time. It wasn't so bad when Squirt was little and took naps. I thought then, wow.. when she is a little older and independent thing will get a bit easier here for me.

They didn't. A 30 minute stolen nap for me results in 3 hours of extra work.

But they say, these years go by so quickly and will be over before you know it. With that in mind - I guess I gotsa buckle up and love being a Mom in any way possible.

I'll find myself someday.

Blank said...

You've got a lot on your plate. I imagine you do need some down time. Is there nobody who can help out, even for a few hours a week?

The irony is that someday you'll look back and wish they were babies again, you know.

Bekke said...

I hope the DeVry classes go great for you and it all works out! Why DeVry (or Deep-Fry as we used to call it)? I liked it when I went. It was very intense and rigorous, though. But I managed so I know you'd do great!

I sort of know where your coming from with being a mommy and having to give things up. I honestly don't know how you keep your sanity (or what's left of it lol) with 4 kids. Some days I feel like I'm losing my mind even more than I already have and I have just one! I have a lot of days when I just cry for no reason.

When I'm not taking care of her, I'm at work. Work is stressful and the amount of work keeps increasing. When I'm not at work, I'm taking care of her. I don't get a true break either. So I can understand that part. Actually the only "break" I get is when she's taking a nap for 2 hours. But then I have to get as much housework done as I can before she's up or it's nearly impossible to do it. The way my husband's schedule is he gets every couple of days off and can have alone time and put her in daycare. He gets every other weekend off but then he's usually doing his own thing those days and I'm still the one taking care of her mostly. I only get a true break from her and work when he's giving her a bath at night and maybe a couple times a year where I get an entire day. We have no family near by to watch her and I'm almost out of vacation time. I have just enough to use for our next trip to Texas in August. One reason why we'll probably move to Texas soon.

Sorry for rambling. Just letting you know you're not alone.

Bekke said...

We did absolutely nothing for the 4th. Except for complain about the fireworks going off after 11 pm. lol I had to get up at 5 am and go to work the next day so it sucked not being able to get to sleep early. Oh well. Tis life right?

What classes are you going to take at DeVry? I'm sure things have changed a lot since I went.

yellowdoggranny said...

i told my kids at a very very young age...I'm a mother not a martyr..try it..it works..