I need references!

I need a job. I need a job yesterday and money a month ago! I am gathering up my old job information, but I am stuck when it comes to references. Employers probably won't understand why a 32 year old SAHM would lack something so simple! I am sorry, but I do not have personal references because for the last decade I have been isolated from friends and family, have moved once every 2 or 3 years, and have not been able to make new friends. Until recently. But they turned out to be a bunch of backstabbing hoes!

No... I don't think they will understand.

So, if you are my blogger friend, and would like to help me out, I need at least 3 personal references to put down on an application. I know this is a lot to ask, since I would need to put down your name and phone number, and request that if called upon that you would tell the prospective employer nice things about me, like I am reliable, prompt, of the upmost moral character, you know, all the kiss ass things employers wanna hear, etc!

Yeah I am exaggerating it a bit, but seriously, I do need some help. I have really had a rough time making and establishing real world friendships. I really am a social person, I just thought it was my job to give up all of myself for my family and be a model 1950s housewife. I sucked at this and I need to find a real job, that pays money, gets me out of the house, and helps me meet people to socialize with.

If you would like to volunteer, drop me a line and let me know. You have no idea how much I would appreciate it!

Thanks!