A little of everything

Wow, I have realized there's much to blog about that I have forgotten to mention! So now I will fill you all in. Bruce is walking. In December he started baby steps, 3 steps, fall down. Then it was 5. Then just after Christmas it was 7. Now he can go clear across a room and change directions. I think he prefers walking to crawling. You should see him try to carry stuff while he walks! It is so funny! He has three teeth on top and two on bottom. The last front top tooth is almost in but not quite. Bruce is very active and gets bumps and scrapes. He is very daring and helpful. He likes to play "crawl somewhere naughty so mommy will chase me." He giggles when I gets I way and I capture him. He says thank you when we give him something and when he gives things to other people or even Rocksy. Cracker was his first word, after mommommom an dadada. Uh-oh, all gone/ all done, too. He has understood these two phrases for a while, because when his food is gone I show him it is gone and say "all gone". And he quits fussing because it is all gone. If I think he is done but its not gone, I say all done, and he accepts that too. Sometimes we fib when we are eating and he wants our food. Then I go and get him his own. He loves big people food and baby food. He knows table is for food, and if Tessa is doing homework or if we are playing a game, we have to show him that we are not eating. Cooking is a problem, too, because he knows food comes from the stove but doesn't understand he has to wait, that it takes a while, so he gets whiny and in the way because he wants something to eat. I try to get the kids to play with him and shut the gate, but the kids let him come back to the gate and shakes it (he gets mad when he is locked out of an area that other people are in)- I hate this. So I may grab a jar of baby food and have Chantz feed him, or Tessa. Feeding Bruce grosses Austin out because it pops back out!

We won the lottery on Christmas Eve. What? And your still blogging? Yes, it was only a $100, silly! But ain't that cool? We didn't even check it right away. Oh! I have another one in my wallet I bought on Wednesday. I should get it. Wouldn't it suck to be the big powerball winner and just sit on it? We used it to put a down payment on our new bed we ordered from Koch's (pillowtop, no flipping... absolutely wonderful and will arrive on the 13th).

Damn I have 10 minutes left and I have to get Tessa up. Better hurry. Today is Bruce's first birthday and we are going to have cupcakes! Ma never called me back to tell me if she could come and I forgot to call her. She doesn't get off work till four, so I may have to call Bill and see if she decided yesterday. I told him it wasn't a big deal and understood id they couldn't make it; they live an hour away. (Which by Montana standards isn't very far-50mi, but it is still a pain to travel, you know?) Tonight Stargate SG1 and Atlantis come back on as well as the new Battlestar Gallatica. On SCI FI. I like these shows. I watch these three on Fridays and Gilmore Girls on Tuesdays. Otherwise its usually just HGTV, lol! Maybe Alias reruns if I am home at 2pm and remember.

Austin starts public school after the 16th, which is end of second semester. He will go from 9:30 to 1:30 to start, with science and English in the classroom and math and reading in the resource room, for now. Our goal is all day by the end of the year. Next year fifth grade is in the middle school so I want him to be prepared. Damn, 3 minutes. I have to go now. See ya later!

Bad day

I was pretty tired and out of it today and didn't feel so well. I didn't want to go anywhere, but Alice needed my truck so I ran some errands on the way to her house. Or that's what was supposed to happen. As I was leaving I noticed that Rocksy hadn't eaten anything since yesterday I was worried. Turns out she was just being finicky, but I didn't know that yet. I passed the courthouse where I was to pick up my license plates; my sticker is expired. So I went on to Alice's figuring we could get them when she took me home. Except that I forgot my checkbook, the check I wanted to cash and to pay my bill at Koch's (for the new bed we ordered!! It's a pillowtop and will be here on the 13th...) and get insurance for the pickup I was driving at State Farm. So we went to my house and picked up the checkbook, found out Rocksy finally ate and we went on our merry way. So on the to the courthouse to get new plates, guess who got pulled over by the Sheriff? (Deputy or whatever, it wasn't the city police!) Me! He called the treasurers office and found out that, yes, my plates are there (my title was mailed on the 15th, it finally arrived!) and so I only get a warning. But I was driving without any insurance. So I had to leave Alice and Bruce in my pickup, hitch a ride with the officer to state farm and get me some insurance. Which I did. Got a ride back and proceeded on our merry way again, getting everything done this time, including getting my plates! If only I had my checks with me. I'd had the cash and check card, but they charge extra for using it. Then I found out from Chantz that I am probably getting a $250 fine for my citation of driving w/o insurance to buy insurance. I should have taken the damn fee.

6:30 and I get a call from State Farm, which closed at 5. Turns out they can't cover me until the 16th, when their new rules come into effect. My insurance is void, please bring back your temporary card and get your check back.

I am having a bad day.

My baby

is humming and it is adorable. He hums himself to sleep! And sucks his thumb while holding his right ear. He used to snuggle a blanket, but now he rubs his ear. Awww... he's sleeping now.

Dream- I'll take your man

First this gay couple wakes in bed and talk for a while. I don't remember much but it seems important. I am with Chantz and this older woman who isn't very good looking. Austin and Tessa aren't in this dream but Bruce is. This lady doesn't realize I am married to Chantz or that I am Bruce's mother. She thinks I am a housekeeper, although he points out I don't do a very good job (really, I don't). Chantz doesn't feel so well and has to go out of town, but this lady wants him to leave early with her and to take Bruce with. I ask if he thinks that is such a good idea. By asking in that manner I don't make it clear I am the mom. Bruce is laying on the floor by the lady. I don't want to protest too much so I can get out of there. I pick up the baby and go upstairs, to the main floor from the basement. I start packing Bruce's diaper bag, planning to get the hell out of there with the baby before they can take them. I don't think Chantz has cheated, but this lady creeps me out and Chantz is sick. I end up going somewhere with Chantz and the baby, it is winter time and I go out and there is a man I need to help into this car...

(see Dream- second coming)

Dream- Second Coming

I came out of a building in the winter time and had to help this man drive home. I get to the car and he jumps in the driver's seat and takes off, driving crazy. I run after him yelling until he stops and I get in. He says I was too slow and wouldn't make up my mind. He somehow falls out and Shannon Doherty (I hate her) gets out of her SUV to see if this jackass, whom she knows, is ok. She offers him a ride and since i am his caregiver i go along to. I pull myself up into this very high seat and slide the bench behind me back. We go to her camper thing. It is huge, but not to fancy. No one else notices the sludge on the ceiling coming from the kitchen. I realize it isn't grease, but dirty snow/ice that came in the vent as they were driving. It is thick and all over the place. Like a snow cone gone bad. Then we are all girls and part of this important group. I am this small young girl. My friend tries to prove that I am in fact a member. She tells them I can sense this stuff under the water and throws something in. I dive in for this orb, which comes up so translucent it almost seams invisible, but for the iridescent sheen. I float in the air holding the globe and realize I am God. I am the second coming although I am actually the first. By merely thinking it, I created the universe in the few moments I sat in the air holding the globe. I did everything God was known for. So Jesus came first...

How cool is that?

Which Endless are you?

Dream, the third of The Endless, you are in charge
of the Dreaming, all imagination and
creativity, everyone knows your beautiful
realm, but none truly understand it. You are
dark and brooding, creative, and spend a lot of
time by yourself, just thinking. You are almost
as serious as Destiny, but not quite. Everyone
is enchanted by you, but you keep them all at a
distance, even when you shouldn't.


Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Kidz bop

I am not a religious person. I feel that some people take their beliefs too seriously. So it is not for love of Christ or biblical morality that I say "Kidz Bop? What are you people thinking? Are you retarded?"

Kidz Bop is a music CD you can buy off TV. The commercials are on all the time. It is "songs for kids sung by kids." Sounds great doesn't it? But before you go and buy these atrocities for your children, let me ask a few questions.

Do you allow your children to listen to all songs on the top 40? Have you listened to the top 40 lately or in the last few years? Because that is what is on these CDs; kids singing adult themed songs by artists such as Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Weezer, Black Eyed Peas, Gorillaz, Green Day, Avril Lavigne and many more. Here are some lyric samples:

"The feeling that I’m feeling
Now that I don’t hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don’t have a choice
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To have you lying by my side
Right here cause baby..." We Belong Together, Mariah Carey

"Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.
Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything
You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me" Karma, Alicia Keys

"Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me...
I'm just a no-class beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play
Beverly Hills
That's where I want to be
Livin' in Beverly Hills..." Beverly Hills, Weezer

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry
Hey, baby my nose is getting big
I noticed it be growing when I been telling them fibs
Now you say your trust's getting weaker
Probably coz my lies just started getting deeper
And the reason for my confession is that I learn my lesson
And I really think you ought to know the truth
Because I lied and I cheated and I lied a little more
But after I did it I don't know what I did it for
I admit that I have been a little immature
Fucking with your heart like I was the predator...
No,no, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie..." Don't Lie, Black Eyed Peas

Don't get me wrong, I love these songs. I think they are great! But I am 30 years old, not twelve or younger, the target ages for Kidz Bop. As a parent I let my children listen to many of these songs, but I am not so ignorant to think that just because they are sung by kids that they are for kids. These songs are monitored by me first. And this is how this product is marketed. I would rather kids hear these lyrics by adults, because then they know these are adult issues. Children singing this kind of material just validates the idea that these are morally good for children.

I am no Tipper Gore. I abhor sensorship. I am not talking about restricting these songs in any way. But I believe it's wrong to try to pass these off as songs for children! And with the newest release, Kidz Bop 9, this damn thing must be popular. Are people really this stupid and ignorant to fall for this? Really, I wanna know. Or does every parent who buys this for their kids think its ok for kids to listen to other kids singing these types of songs?

My husband agrees with me on this, and we shake our heads everytime a new Cd comes out, beginning with Kidz Bop ("30 newly-recorded, kid-friendly versions of today's biggest songs!") Yeah, this one has the song Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls (which I personally love) that is about an unwed, unplanned pregnancy:

"Could you whisper in my ear
The things you want to feel
I’ll give you anything
To feel it comin’
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults

Chorus:
I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah we’re gonna let it slide

Don’t you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you

Don’t suppose I’ll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can’t change
I’ll live around it

I wanna wake up where you are
I won’t say anything at all
So why don’t you slide

Yeah we’re gonna let it slide

And I’ll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
Oh,may put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Oh, May do you wanna get married
Or run away...."

Narnia and annoying children

I took the kids to see Chronicles of Narnia last night. Ok, so I wanted to go to. Chantz didn't want to go, so he stayed home with Bruce. It was great. I was surprised how close to the book it was and how it didn't leave too much out. I have the set in storage and picked them up today. At less than 200 pages, I am not surprised now that the movie came out so well.

But...

At the theatre there were about 15 or so "eleventeen" year olds sitting in the front. These kids weren't whispering, they were yelling! Chatting! Disrupting the movie! So I, pissed, went down and asked them, sorry, told them to SHUT UP! They just looked at me and kept it up. 5 minutes later this teenager in charge actually told me that I was too loud and that I needed to keep it down! WTF? So I said fine, next time I'll come get you. He says ok. I say, well they are still doing it! He walked off and did nothing. I fumed. It got worse. They flitted from one aisle to another, hopped over rows and yelled and laughed and ran around! I tried to ignore it and watch the show. I waited for someone else to complain. Someone else had to!

Nothing.

Finally toward the end of the movie I got up, went to the back and told the only working employee and his friend who was hanging around, that they were loud, had been loud the whole time! I did this after he got off the phone, btw. I went back down and waited for him to come dispense some justice. I watched the movie, tried to ignore them though they got louder and louder, deciding that I was never coming back to the Rose Theater again, ever. So its the only one in a 50 mile radius! I'll go to Sidney (50 mi), or Miles City (75 mi) or Dickinson (90 mi) before I ever go back to that sh#@hole! Finally, 15 minutes later, when he was done talking I am sure, he finally came down and broke it up.

I worked at the Centre Theatre in Sidney back in highschool. I know the drill. I also know that you keep the fudging doors shut so that light doesn't come in and to keep the noise out. The Rose always keeps one set of doors open! That's how the employee can listen, supposedly. Then how could he not have heard all that shit down there, yet heard me tell them to shut up? I wasn't even very loud! I think someone else turned me in. I am never going back. I may, however, call the owners and complain. (This is a one screen show hall that has been there forever- we live in the middle of nowhere, remember!)


Merry Christmas and go see the show, it was good. I may just wait for the movie to come out on video next time.

Ma and Bill came and dropped off the presents and went back to Sidney. Alice (MIL) and Larry (FIL) can't make it either; they are working in Texas. No other hotshots down there will run till after New Years! The oil field doesn't stop for holidays.So A and L couldn't turn the opportunity down and picked up some jobs. Not just for the money, but it says something about them and their company; gives them an even better rep than they had. Dschaak's RoadRunner Service is reliable. My man doesn't work though! I hope... Cousin Sherry is staying with us for Christmas; her sister bailed on her at Thanksgiving and no one knew. Alice and I aren't letting that happen for this holiday.

Enough. Must make cookies now. Later, Dawn

Evil! Sinister!

I am so bored and can't get back to sleep, Bruce is teething and woke me up. Now he's konked out peacefully in my spot on the bed. But that's not what is evil. I went to all my favorite blogs. I read and commented, and even read other people's comments, which are sometimes tedious and sometimes hilarious. Then I thought I would browse for other blogs, but didn't find any links I found interesting. And it was taking too much thought. But that's still not what's evil. So I decided to surf- I clicked on "next blog" on the blogger bar.

Not interesting... stupid... not in English... wtf? Is that stream of conscious? No, no its not and its not rambling either. It almost looks like a bunch of key words about roulette games and other stuff just thrown in.

NEXT

WTF? I am rerouted to some stupid roulette site and cannot go back or forward! I am stuck at some game site! How sinister! How evil! How dare they! It's abuse I tell you!

So I click on the back arrow and choose from the drop down menu the site before Roulette Games and get the hell outta there. Then I realize I have just found something to do, something to blog about. I do it again, and this time it actually takes me to the next blog! Have I defeated it? Have I won? Lets check it out. I'm gonna do it again. BRB.

YES! It has been defeated! For the time being, anyway. I gotta go now, this next blog I found may be interesting. There was Japanese Anime and who can resist that at 5 o'clock in the morning? Who can resist typing out "o'clock" at 5 o'clock in the morning?

Hmmm? Who?

My Insanity, My Hell

I am not making this up**. I am not exaggerating or fishing for sympathy to cover for my "insanity" or to excuse my spazzing. My children do not act in this way because I am a bad mother. They don't "learn" these things from me. My son is diagnosed with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder. My daughter is in no way ordinary, either. And she does not act in this way because she copies her brother (which is why she has been denied evaluations; I consistently get brushed off.) I am an adult and don't have to explain myself, I know this. What I do need to do though is vent.

My kids will consistently and repeatedly do the following:

1. Choose the hardest way to do EVERYTHING
2. Pick the most cluttered or dirtiest place at the table to sit
3. Do the same wrong thing over and over again, and not learn from their mistakes
4. Argue or contradict everything Chantz and I say or tell them to do
5. When asked not to do something, do it even more and even worse than before
6. And many other things I cannot think of at the moment
   

If you had to live with this day in and day out, you'd be crazy, too. You would loose it and spaz as I have. You would also need to take medication. You would not need people to ridicule you or make jokes, like "Did your mom take her pills today?" You would not need this because it is rude and undermines your authority over your children, because they are not "magic" pills that stop working if you miss one, they don't start working the first day you take them. These little wonders actually take up to two weeks to work and have side effects during that period that actually make you worse. Mocking is definitely not needed.

I swear to god, if you dealt with what I deal with everyday, you would need some kind of therapy. Because I highly doubt you could handle it either, unless you're a Saint of some holy sort.

They are not bad kids. They do not do this on purpose and they do do these things as often as I say they do them!

**This post is in no way directed at "you" my readers, but the people in my life I deal with daily.

New corpse

"I kiss the crumpled violet and not coffee."

Mine is the last panel. I like this one; it turned out pretty nicely. This is the first last panel I have gotten to do. All the other ones were panel 3! And just last night I uploaded my first ever panel 1! I can't wait for it to be finished.

Dream- running naked and stuff

I am at this place- open and very white. A bunch of people are there; we all write and draw. My guy friend doesn't know I blog; he had one and I wonder if he's updated it in a while. He is writing and drawing in this group in real life.

Then I am another girl (I think) and I had an episode where I had run in the middle of the night naked. We are in a house now, but still with the same type of people. People like to say things like, you're one to talk, you were out naked!

So I am trying to discover what happened because I can't remember. Finally this mother figure tells me it is _____. _____?
"Didn't you figure it out when he couldn't keep his stories straight?" she asks me. Then she tells me he drugged my water. I had thought it was breakfast time and drank this water. She says she kept smelling roses. She found the room filled with these clear glasses of rose scented water and she was trying to get rid of them. Apparently, the naked thing wasn't supposed to happen. Whatever he tried to do backfired.

"Why didn't he just tell me he liked me?" I ask her.

She says because he didn't think we were compatible. WTF? We have so much in common, we both love to write and draw (we're at this thing, remember?). This guy is kind of bookish/sciency and shy. I don't get it. I am intrigued by this. What he did isn't even important to me. I just realized a guy I have a crush on likes me!

He had given me a folder with all these notes and pictures to explain what happened to me and it was laying in a corner on the floor. So I go over to pick it up and throw it away. This gets his attention. He comes over to me and starts talking about some of the stuff in it. As he is reading to me, I slowly step into the crook of his arm, so it is now around me. This is done very subtly. He doesn't seem to notice. He is very intent on reading. I am very intent on capturing him. As he nears the end of the page I wait and wait. As he finishes reading I turn to him and plant a kiss on his mouth. It is a perfect kiss- our lips are perfect and our tongues are perfect, it is slow and nice and wonderful. Very dramatic and passionate.

Then I am myself; I am sitting with the girl I just was and he is leaving the room, very nervously! We think it is funny.

And now I am sitting watching TV in a different room and Austin is on the computer, but he is a teenager. Instead of using the headset while on the phone like daddy, he is using one tiny earphone. This messes with me because I can't see it and he doesn't answer when I talk to him, yell at him, or anything. I believe he is just very focused. He switches between the phone and music- the music I was listening to until he put the other earphone in, shutting off the sound (Rumours by Fleetwood Mac- which I have been listening to lately.) I get his attention and someone suggests that I take the phone away so I do.

Then the alarm clock goes off and I get Chantz to get up with Tessa and he makes sausage links. Yummy. There are two links left and I am going to go eat them now. With syrup.

Dreams

I am in a school. It is a warm building with tall ceilings and dark wood, very old and very unschoolish. I am in line for class and there is a girl in front of me holding a set of pipes and she is trying to play them. But this is math class. They gave me two books; algebra and trig. Trig is next. I ask why she isn't in music class. The teacher tells me that she was late and can't open the door. She needs to knock on the wooden part to get in. I ask why she doesn't. With an evil smug look, she tells me that the girl is too short to reach. There is a boy there (young man), one of those charming trouble makers that always get out of trouble. He is goofing off with me, but I don't recall what we do. I know he is in trig with me next. (aside: IRL I used to love trig in hs!)

Lots of adventures with my kids I can't recall. I go to the bathroom. I think it is in the school. This part is funny. I pee- and I really gotta go! I am afraid to let go and relax, but finally do- and it is great! It just rushes out! I had this pee thing happen in a different dream not too long ago. I used to get "pee dreams" as a kid, but in those when I let go I peed IRL! This didn't happen! How weird!

I got up this morning and couldn't remember my dreams- until I went pee and it all came flooding back to me...

Comfort?

I found a new blog today... actually someone else I visit links to her. When I am bored or need a distraction, I like to visit new blogs. I usually decide within the first few minutes whether or not I am going to bookmark it. She wrote about a dream she had about her dad and I read it twice. It made me remember how comforted he makes me feel, even though he is gone. I wrote how he comforts me when I am sad and I realized that right now I am sad. Just thinking of him felt nice. After Grandma Laura died, and Uncle Hal was in prison, Aunt Nancy and Willy had it pretty hard. She woke in the night and smelt cigarette smoke. There in the kitchen was Grandma, smoking a cigarette. She told Nancy that everything would be alright. When Nancy woke she realized it was a dream. What she didn't know was that my mother had just sent her a check to help out. But grandma knew.

My dad is gone and he brings peace, my Grandma is gone and she brings comfort. Nancy is a loving woman and will smile down on all of us when she is gone. My dad will be there to watch out for her and so will my grandma. I've thought about naming the baby Laura or Betty (another grandmother who recently died), but now she may be Nancy. Hmmm... I keep thinking she's a girl but I won't know until the 20th.

My uncle is 9 years older than me. He started dating Nancy when he was fourteen. She is a couple of years older than him. I am 29 and 11 months. I have known her since I was 5. I have called her Aunt Nancy since I was 5. She is so damn young and this is so damn cruel.

So this is how it is?

When you have no money and you get sick they just let you die. They let the cancer spread out all over your body before they give you chemo and they let you suffer and waste away cuz now its too late and nobody cares nobody gives a fuck if you don't have money they don't care if you're someones aunt they don't care if you're someones wife or mother or a very good person who never partied or smoked and put up with a husband with problems and stuck by him and his addictions and his prison time and loved hom no matter what they don't care cuz your poor and white and nobody gives a fuck if you don't have money if you can't pay you don't get treatment they just let you die that's what it is if you don't treat a breast cancer patient right away and you let that lump get really big you are signing a death warrent you should rot in the deepest pits of hell saved for the worst kinds of people like murderers and child molesters and those that let innocent women suffer and let that crap spread to the liver and everywhere else oh what a Christmas Nancy are you waiting till Christmas? I love you

I'll be gone

...for a few days. I am going to Gillette with Chantz. I think I said Cheyenne before, but that is near Laramie! We are just going to Gillette, about 4 or 5 hours depending on the weather. (Cheyenne is more like 8 to 10 hours away!) I don't know what I was thinking! Sherry is going to babysit the kids and Rocksy while we are gone.

We're going shopping!! Yay! And we are staying in a hotel. I love hotels. I don't know why, I just do. Something about staying somewhere different, I guess. Gotta go now, I have lots to do to get ready.

Later,

Dawn

Yes!

I can take yoga! Dr. Swarny said it was ok and I have a note. I also got all of our medications today, even the one they said they couldn't fill, so ha! I am 17 weeks and the baby's heartbeat was loud and strong. I get an ultrasound next week! If this printer ever gets installed, I will upload the scan! I got a check from the insurance company on Saturday and we have a new bank account. The dog is still iffy, but what can I do? Bruce got a new tooth (front top right) and was up ALL night Sunday night. Screaming. Poor baby.

Chantz has to go to Cheyenne WY about an accident he got into a while ago; it wasn't his fault but he still needs to go sort it out. He plead not guilty to a driving to fast for conditions ticket (how can 15 be too fast?) and now has to go back. His folks will meet him there- they are coming straight from Texas. I hope they get to come home afterwards. They've been gone a while this time! (Chantz works for them, for those of you who don't know. They drive pickups with 40 foot flat beds hauling motors and tools for the oil field.)

Ma's not coming for Xmas or going anywhere and that's ok. She has it rough and could use some quiet at home time. I found lots of sites that make pixel dolls that are awesome. I found a pregnant base! I have been wondering how to make my sassy girl (the pic that shows up when I comment) knocked up, but it was too hard. So I may make a different one using an actual base this time. I'll even give her red hair!

Perfect Smooth Gold Text

In Paint Shop Pro 7 or 9
Rating: Easy

This may not be the tutorial I promised, but it is a good one to have if you use PSP.

-open an image: 200 px by 200 px.
-foreground color: set to transparent
-background color: set to #a57b73
-text tool: antialiased checked, floating checked, size 72, font of your choice
-promote selection to layer
-deselect (psp 9)
-drop shadow:

• vertical-2
• horizontal-2
• opacity-89
• blur-4
• color-black

-chrome:

• flaws-1
• brightness-27
• color-white
• fill- unchecked

-inner bevel:

• width-9
• ambience-58
• color-white
• bevel-round
• smoothness-25
• shininess-50
• intensity-50
• depth-10
• angle-315
• elevation-36

-colorize:

• hue-28
• saturation-126

Check out the finished product: I have a picture tube for you! It is an entire alphabet done in my Perfect Smooth Gold Text. Please don't misuse it!

What the Hell?

Just when I think I've got that bleeping dog trained....

It's 2 o'clock in the morning ok? I am waiting for Chantz to come home from work and decided to got to bed. Rocksy was sleeping on the floor in front of the couch and Bruce was next to her. I picked him up and came downstairs and then started to move Austin who fell asleep in my room. Next thing I know Tessa is downstairs because that stupid dog got up and peed in her room. On the carpet!!!!!!! She gave no indication she had to go, didn't follow me downstairs (the basement has outside access and that is where her chain is!) or anything! I was going to put her in the crate when I got back upstairs. I don't let her out at 2 in the morning ever! She holds it till morning every night! Dogs won't pee where they sleep. Two days ago she came in the house, after spending an hour outside, and pissed on my family room carpet! WTF? Day before that, she peed all over my kitchen floor- not too big a deal, it is tile. She hasn't peed on carpet or around the upstairs of my house ever! I don't count the submissive peeing, C does but he can f off; I'm tired right now. That is different.

Anyway? WTF? She is also been naughtier than usual, too! She will jump her big ass (this is a 7 month German Shepard) onto the top of my dining table! I gate the kitchen to keep her out because she bugs me when I cook or scavenges for people food, which makes her sick, and she will do this with a full bowl of dog food! Now, if I leave it open even for a minute, that B**** will steal the butter (real, not margarine) off my counter!! She was so bad about a month and a half ago that we were going to get rid of her! I didn't want to so I bought the crate and started teaching her. It worked great at first, then bam! I am very busy and couldn't move on with her training, but kept up what I started. It was super cold out last week and she wasn't getting much exercise, but it is nice again and I played retrieve with her and even got her to lay down for a treat. At first I thought it was the weather, but now I don't think so. I think there is something wrong with this dog! This house is a rental. She needs to learn or we get f'd up the a! Oh and this morning her chain was froze to the ground where the snow melted yesterday. It can be reached from inside the house so I don't have to go outside and I told Rocksy to stay while I pried it up (It was about 20F this morning). Do you know what she did? Just mosied her ass out the door and took off around the corner. We live on a busy street and we never just let her go. I called to her in my stern voice and she wouldn't come back. I used my sweet voice and she pounced away like it was a game. I got my boots on, went out in my nightgown and sweats and offered her a treat with my sweet come 'ere voice and she bounded into my open arms. I then took her to the yard by her collar, careful not to let her pull me on the ice and chained her up. She got a treat because it is "positive reinforcement" and is supposed to let her know what I want her to do.

The idea of potty training her again tires me out! She is a "willful" dog and will need to be trained aggressively. I read this in a book. I thought it could be avoided when she turned herself around, but no, just like my kids, she saw me relax and got all disobedient again. Damn. I am just so busy with the kids and the house and errands (not that I can go anywhere, the pick up is broke, too) that I don't have time to read and study how to train her and follow it through constantly. I just can't. That is why Chantz was going to sell her before. I said, no I can do it and it worked and then poof! She got stupid again.

I am just frustrated and am ranting and I do like my puppy, she is just a pain in the ass. I already live with 3 other pain in the asses. Bruce isn't yet, and the only way to avoid it is to "aggressively" train him. And the new baby. I just can't do it all at once.

Tessa's homework and Austin's homeschooling and my free time and cooking and worrying over the bills and making costly errors in the checkbook and having panic attacks and headaches and backaches and forgetting to make doctor appointments and forgetting to get prescriptions for my depression and panic attacks and being snippy and losing my temper and making other appointments I won't get to keep because I have no transportation....

I think Ma's luck finally kicked in. You see it didn't take slowly from me, bit by bit every day. No, it came in like a hail storm or a hurricane and destroyed everything all at once. I just hope she got to use it all month, and not wait for it to decide to transfer to her, unless of course that is how it could have been most beneficial. What I mean to say is that it better have worked, g.d. it!

It is now 2:36 am. I am going to bed.

Pet Peeve

I have a pet peeve I have been meaning to write about but haven't gotten around to yet. Thanks to Fred, who updated his site yesterday with a new, non blogger issue look, I'm getting around to it. I don't want to offend anybody, but I am putting it out on the table. It really bothers me that so many blogs look alike because they use the same ol' tired blogger templates. It really isn't that hard to customize them at all. Fred got a company to do it for him, but it isn't too difficult to do on one's own. My problem with this repetition is that it doesn't show much of the author's personality. I am a visual person and tend to recall blogs by what they look like. If they all look the same or very similar, it doesn't help me categorize them in my head!

If you can add a link to your blog, you can change the background color or the font and link colors. You can add an image. These are simple to do and I would like to put up a tutorial on how to do this, when I get time. There are many sites that offer free templates, some image free. Why don't people use these? I just find generic ones boring. I used to make lots and lots of linkware sets until I got bored with it. Granted, images will have to be hosted elsewhere and linked to, but that isn't a problem either; many free hosts can be found.

Again, I offer my services or advise to any who ask. I may not be the best designer, nor a graphic genius like some, but I'm not bad. That and I am free. Can't really beat that can you?