My life in a blog post

I am getting a daily planner. My life is a mess, disorganized, I forget appointments, slip into depression and get nothing done. That is going to change. It will change or things in this house are going to change in a negative way.

I used to have a very nice planner I bought at a university bookstore- it contained my life and is the only reason I made it through college. I don't know where it is now. I forgot I ever had it until I decided to buy one today. It had everything- weekly at a glance, daily- hour by hour, notes, budget, address book, everything and it didn't cost me very much at all! Boss had one, it was $80. WTH? I am now at the Franklin covey website and am searching for that perfect contraction to throw my life into. I need this. I need structure, or I suffer terribly. I am undisciplined. If I knew where the old one was, all I would need to do is buy a refill, but it is probably in the trash somewhere. I will buy it, use it, depend on it like a crutch and refill it next year and the next. I will tell it to tell me when to clean and when to shop and do the checkbook and pay the bills and see the doctor and when I can use the computer. Wellbutrin can only do so much and I can't take meds for adult add when I am pregnant. This I am sure that I have, it makes so much sense. And since I can't get help for it from a little pill I will have to help myself.

I am a firm believer in the power of helping one's self. I used to be that person who waited for help to come from a higher power, who gave herself over entirely to her deity and prayed daily for the burden to be lifted and be given a normal life. I waited a very long time and nothing ever came but more depression (which is a medical illness which needs treatment, in my case) and more misery and confusion. Until I went to school, got educated, opened my mind and for the first time did something for me, by me, on my own. (Getting educated gave me the opportunity to finally understand what my husband had been trying to tell me for years.) I now believe the higher power helps those who help themselves, or at least try to anyway, wholeheartedly. I believe I can do anything I try to do, if I believe I can, through the power of my own will. I give myself over entirely to myself and my family. It is when I forget or let things go or have no reason to put myself out there that I fail, and don't even notice that I am dying. I must watch myself continuously and it isn't easy, especially when doing nothing is so easy. Having 2 children 2 years in a row like this doesn't help.

I need to schedule in more sleep- I am always so exhausted. My yoga instructor is out of town due to family illness and I do not know when she will be back. I would have to swallow my embarrassment and call and ask, and ask if my two missed sessions will carry over, since it is not my fault I only got 4. I paid for 6, right? I don't think they will give me a hard time; they are very nice people. I just don't like to ask. Inhale comes on every morning a 7 on Oxygen and I try to get up on time and do the yoga along with it. I also do it at night as often as I can with the kids; it helps them sleep so much better. The guy on TV said yoga brings the body into balance so the mind can be brought into focus. I think just by dimming lights, using candles, shutting off TV's, and giving the kids time to unwind before bed helps them enormously. The exercise routines are essential as well, and very simple. We do a few sun salutations and cow-cats and some stretches, but the benefits to the kids are amazing. They don't come to me and whine about being uncomfortable, hungry or tired. They don't yell across the house for me or Chantz and are quite pleasant. It is hard adjusting to this routine when Chantz is home, but he got right into it and went downstairs with Austin and Bruce so I can get started with Tessa. I do one kid at a time and put Tessa to bed first. Then I move on to Austin. His routine is simpler and shorter than hers, she is into it more than him. I have run out of words. Ciao.